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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsOhara View Post
    As illogical as it sounds I have the exact same thoughts as you do Deserama.
    I think it IS logical...because we're thinking in terms of size and strength and reasonable force but at the same time...I know I'm at odds (I can't speak for you) with what IS actually right or wrong and the fact that legally there doesn't seem to be any room for grey area in the case of domestic violence whereas any other violence there is the reasonable force thing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    Yep, still very little sympathy, aside from feeling sorry that she obviously can't control herself.

    I'm not saying she deserves to be hit, but people are more likely to hit back when being hit, than initiate the violence.
    True true...but just because they are more likely doesn't make it right...especially for somone who has the physical capabilities to stop themselves from being hit.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    True true...but just because they are more likely doesn't make it right...especially for somone who has the physical capabilities to stop themselves from being hit.
    and the woman who has the capability to not hit someone? or are only men expected to have self control?

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    DV is DV, it doesn't matter what gender is perpetrating it, it is wrong. Having said that, if a tiny woman was belting a huge guy, I would hope he would walk away rather than retaliate, bc he does have that strength.

    When I first read your OP I thought no excuse. but I think I know what you are saying - that any DV is wrong, but a larger guy should walk away bc of the damage he can do and leave her, not hit back? I think many women retaliate out of fight or flight, for defence. But I guess a man, even a large one, can feel the fight response and hit back.

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    My instantly reaction to being violently punched by an adult is to punched them back. Im assuming its the same for my male counterpart.

    I figure if I don‘t wanna be hit by the big Samoan guy, i just wont hit him in the first place.

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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    just because i am a woman does not make my dh stronger than me. he has told me that i am stronger than some of the men he has come across, and he has had to physically restrain a lot of people. men dont have the upper hand just because they are men, likewise woman arent at a disadvantage just because they are women. i can cause harm to dh, i have the ability.
    eta. i am a lot smaller than dh, half his weight, a head shorter, and obviously a lot smaller build.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    and the woman who has the capability to not hit someone? or are only men expected to have self control?
    Yes good point, but it can go both ways and the end results are different. Like she should have shown restraint yes...but she didn't so she hit him. She didn't cause any damage...probably a red mark and may feel a tad bruised in the morning but he probably felt humiliated and awful about it...which is valid. He should then show restraint by not hitting back, instead he should grab her arms to restain her from hitting him...then get away from the situation...but he didn't instead he hit her straight back...and broke her jaw.

    See the difference? She left a bruise...maybe...vs him breaking her jaw. She's in the wrong for hitting him,,,yes, I agree 100% but now he's in the wrong too and probably more so because he's bigger and stronger than her and caused more damage instead of using his size and strength and walking away.

    See the conundrum that I have? The balance is all wrong!!!

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Yes good point, but it can go both ways and the end results are different. Like she should have shown restraint yes...but she didn't so she hit him. She didn't cause any damage...probably a red mark and may feel a tad bruised in the morning but he probably felt humiliated and awful about it...which is valid. He should then show restraint by not hitting back, instead he should grab her arms to restain her from hitting him...then get away from the situation...but he didn't instead he hit her straight back...and broke her jaw.

    See the difference? She left a bruise...maybe...vs him breaking her jaw. She's in the wrong for hitting him,,,yes, I agree 100% but now he's in the wrong too and probably more so because he's bigger and stronger than her and caused more damage instead of using his size and strength and walking away.

    See the conundrum that I have? The balance is all wrong!!!
    Perhaps with this, take into Consideration the mental implications this would have for a male. Theyre not allowed to fight back, if they restrain and she struggles then he can accidentally break her arm\dislocate a shoulders blade, then what??
    Basically the mentality that they‘re bigger and stronger so ‘‘tough titties‘‘ is a perpetration to domestic violence. Very few men are listened to when they say they‘ve been physically abused, they get laughed at or ridiculed. So.... What do they do?

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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    my ex once punched me. it didnt hurt very much (i still felt it) and it didnt leave a mark. abuse or not?

  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    DV is DV, it doesn't matter what gender is perpetrating it, it is wrong. Having said that, if a tiny woman was belting a huge guy, I would hope he would walk away rather than retaliate, bc he does have that strength.

    When I first read your OP I thought no excuse. but I think I know what you are saying - that any DV is wrong, but a larger guy should walk away bc of the damage he can do and leave her, not hit back? I think many women retaliate out of fight or flight, for defence. But I guess a man, even a large one, can feel the fight response and hit back.
    I'm glad you can see what I'm saying. Because I'm not saying DV is only wrong when the man does it...God no! But I think the balance is wrong when man who is stronger and has the capabilities to do more damage hits back. Yes I do agree it could trigger the fight response and it could be catastrophic...if he was to seriously damage her or even kill her because of this response...then would HE be wrong? Do you know what I mean?


 

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