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  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    I could be wrong, but I think Kirby Star means further reading as in further reading of the thread where information has come out from you in bits and pieces before you snapped your biscuit back there.

    Maybe you should start two new threads, one for discussion about your kids if you want to do that (which you did but now you've apparently changed your mind) and another to discuss whether its ok for women to belt men but not the other way around. Because you keep chopping and changing topics here, its really not clear what you want to discuss.

    It is clear that anyone who disagrees with you is wrong though...

    Far out...I haven't changed anything. I used my kids as examples, I did talk about them because people keep making comments on and I'm trying to clarify how the example works in this post. Other people have somehow managed to see the connection, just because you can't doesn't mean that I'm the one chopping and changing..it just means that you fail to see the connection. That's ok..but you really need to own that though.

    I have not told anyone their wrong apart from telling people they are clueless on their comments specifically in regards to my children. Ok...if you feel that I have actually told people they are wrong just because they disagree (with the topic) then by all means...show me where...and I'll apologise.

  2. #152
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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Op just out of curiousity would you feel differently if you had two daughters and the same behaviour was going on? I don't want to open a whole other can of worms but get anyone angry enough and they can have a fair bit of strength. When I was younger my sister used to CONSTANTLY pick on me, nothing physical but the things she said were so hurtful and one day I snapped and threw a brick at her head. Whilst I would have a lot more control over my anger now at the time I felt my actions were justified. I spent years seeing a counsellor because of how she treated me and the things she said to me

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  3. #153
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    Ok so undue force - What does that mean to everyone?

    What does undue force mean to you?

  4. #154
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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    i am so confused it is not funny.

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  6. #155
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrstuilawa View Post
    Op just out of curiousity would you feel differently if you had two daughters and the same behaviour was going on? I don't want to open a whole other can of worms but get anyone angry enough and they can have a fair bit of strength. When I was younger my sister used to CONSTANTLY pick on me, nothing physical but the things she said were so hurtful and one day I snapped and threw a brick at her head. Whilst I would have a lot more control over my anger now at the time I felt my actions were justified. I spent years seeing a counsellor because of how she treated me and the things she said to me

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    Good question.

    Well the only real experience I have of that is with my 15 year old and my 9 year old. Ummm the intent behind it was different and the reaction from my 9 year old was different also. It seemed that she didn't feel the need to lash out physically...just verbally as she doesn't feel as intimidated by my 15 year old girl as she does with my 13 year old boy.

    To give you an idea...I've had arguments with my kids (as you do ) and I must admit when my 15 year old is yelling at me, I feel less threatened as I do when my 13 year old yells at me. He has such a strong booming voice that it takes me aback a litte bit, where I feel I need to stop him and settle him down. My 15 year old doesn't seem to give me that feeling. I think also, I recognise the potential of damage coming more from my 13 year old rather than my 15 year old.

    So yeh what was your question again?

    Would I feel differently if it were the two daughters? Well the answer is yes I do, because I just see more potential for damage with my son, he's massive! Like I don't mean fat, he hasn't an ounce of fat on him...he's just going to be a big lad and he's almost my height now and he's only 13, he has bigger feet than my husband does at this point. Don't get me wrong if my daughters were fighting (and they do...well actually it's more my 9 year old and my 11 year old who fight) I actually don't have the same fear of safety over my 9 year old...I just don't. If you could see the situation I'm sure you'd understand what I'm talking about. The fighting with the girls is just silly sibling fighting...but the 9 and 13 year old fighting is my 13 year old trying to gain control and using his size and strength over the 9 year old to get it. It's different....I guess you have to see what I'm talking about to understand fully. Delirium explained it pretty well back there

  7. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrstuilawa View Post
    True it is very rare, I did feel like males were getting the raw end of the deal in here by some posters though. I just wanted to point out that there are males running for their lives too.

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    Point taken thank you.

    I think it's important to recognise too that perhaps some women might take advantage of the fact that the man IS stronger and really can't fight back for fear of really hurting the person too? If that makes sense?

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Good question.

    Well the only real experience I have of that is with my 15 year old and my 9 year old. Ummm the intent behind it was different and the reaction from my 9 year old was different also. It seemed that she didn't feel the need to lash out physically...just verbally as she doesn't feel as intimidated by my 15 year old girl as she does with my 13 year old boy.

    To give you an idea...I've had arguments with my kids (as you do ) and I must admit when my 15 year old is yelling at me, I feel less threatened as I do when my 13 year old yells at me. He has such a strong booming voice that it takes me aback a litte bit, where I feel I need to stop him and settle him down. My 15 year old doesn't seem to give me that feeling. I think also, I recognise the potential of damage coming more from my 13 year old rather than my 15 year old.

    So yeh what was your question again?

    Would I feel differently if it were the two daughters? Well the answer is yes I do, because I just see more potential for damage with my son, he's massive! Like I don't mean fat, he hasn't an ounce of fat on him...he's just going to be a big lad and he's almost my height now and he's only 13, he has bigger feet than my husband does at this point. Don't get me wrong if my daughters were fighting (and they do...well actually it's more my 9 year old and my 11 year old who fight) I actually don't have the same fear of safety over my 9 year old...I just don't. If you could see the situation I'm sure you'd understand what I'm talking about. The fighting with the girls is just silly sibling fighting...but the 9 and 13 year old fighting is my 13 year old trying to gain control and using his size and strength over the 9 year old to get it. It's different....I guess you have to see what I'm talking about to understand fully. Delirium explained it pretty well back there
    Oh your sons size would definitely have to be of concern when arguements break out in your house! What if one of your older daughters had the same amount of anger as your son has though? Is he the only boy? Maybe he feels outnumbered. I guess a whole lot of what ifs aren't going to get anyone anywhere, just trying to understand and explore your opinion on violence/abuse vs gender.
    I guess there are a million different possible scenarios and a million different outcomes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrstuilawa View Post
    Oh your sons size would definitely have to be of concern when arguements break out in your house! What if one of your older daughters had the same amount of anger as your son has though? Is he the only boy? Maybe he feels outnumbered. I guess a whole lot of what ifs aren't going to get anyone anywhere, just trying to understand and explore your opinion on violence/abuse vs gender.
    I guess there are a million different possible scenarios and a million different outcomes.

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    Yeh probably. No he's no the only boy, the youngest is also a boy. If my daughters had the same amount of anger? No still don't think I'd feel the same...if my daughters had the same anger, size and strength then hell yes!!!! LOL

    Like I mention gender but only because it's USUALLY the male who is bigger and stronger and has more potential for damage than a female. That's all I'm basing it on. I do recognise (as I said in my OP) that I know there are some women who can be bigger and stronger...and of course you could get two men one being bigger than the other or two women... etc. But usually it is the male who has the potential to really hurt someone. As delirium said...size and strength could be seen as a weapon of sorts. That to me makes it that it would be an unequal fight between a male and female. Which in sports, such as boxing this is certainly taken into account (size/strength...feathweight/heavyweight).

    I just wanted to know how far it went. I know that undue force is taken into consideration in most scenarios but is it in DV situations? Because I can't help but have the feelings I do..despite knowiing and believing that abuse is abuse is abuse. The grey area keeps coming up and biting me on the A....like in the case with my children.

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