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  1. #91
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    So its your sons responsibility to always walk away from your daughters abuse simply because he is bigger? Why isn't it your daughters responsibility to learn not to antagonize your son? Shes only 9, but he's only 13, and possibly dealing with pressure from your ex from what you wrote earlier.

    It doesn't seem to send a good message that you want to put all the weight of this on your sons shoulders simply because he has a penis.

    That'd how it seems to me.

    But im probably misunderstanding it so i'll leave it there I think. Um tired and confused!

    ETA and before anybody jumps up my behind, no I am not saying that women who antagonize men deserve to be hit or any variation on that theme.
    Last edited by WineTime; 27-10-2012 at 22:55.

  2. #92
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    I haven't read all the responses but I'll give my interpretation.

    When a man physically abuses a woman it is to control and for power, when a woman physically abuses a man I don't think this is so much the case.

    My previous marriage was abusive at times, mostly verbal. My exH would often get stupidly drunk and become extremely aggressive and downright nasty. It became quite common. One night we were having a drink together on the couch. I can't remember what he was saying, I can't remember if we'd just got home from the pub but I wanted him to stop. I don't remember anything about the conversation but I would guarantee that I asked him to stop (he was most likely saying something really nasty about me or my family) and I threw the contents of my drink in his face and walked off. I didn't do it for power, to threaten etc, I just wanted him to shut up. I walked off immediately and went to the bedroom where he closely followed behind me yelling all the way. We had a bit of a fisty-cuff situation, nothing big. I think I may have tried to slap him and he defended himself by raising an arm. I just wanted him to leave me alone but he wouldn't he followed me around the house yelling really really nasty things. Whilst this is in no way ideal behaviour my motive the entire time was that I wanted him to just leave me alone and after repeatedly asking him and he wouldn't I was so enraged I lashed out.

    Must go DD is waking up.

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    Deserama  (28-10-2012)

  4. #93
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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Average women aren't taught how...I'm talking about average women. Like me, who don't have strength size or CAPABILITIES to inflict the same amount of harm as your average male.
    average women ARE capable. you clearly dont believe it, so if you dont have the faith then of course YOU arent capable because your mind is not in the right place. i find it quite sad/sexist that you feel that women arent capable purely because they have a vagina. i am an average woman (actually below average - 55kg and 160cm tall) and i know i am capable of taking down a man bigger and physically stronger than me.
    Last edited by Jinxed; 27-10-2012 at 22:57.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jinxed View Post
    average women ARE capable. you clearly dont believe it, so if you dont have the faith then of course YOU arent capable because your mind is not in the right place. i find it quite sad/sexist that you feel that women arent capable purely because they have a vagina. i am an average woman (actually below average - 55kg and 160cm tall) and i know i am capable of taking down a man bigger and physically stronger than me.
    This seems to me like victim blaming. I appreciate that you are coming from a position where you feel powerful enough to take on a man. Many of us do not. Many of us cannot. This is not because we are less.

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    Deserama  (28-10-2012)

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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    This seems to me like victim blaming. I appreciate that you are coming from a position where you feel powerful enough to take on a man. Many of us do not. Many of us cannot. This is not because we are less.
    oh definitely not victim blaming! absolutely no way, im just saying, for the sake of this thread, that many women dont know how capable they really are until they are faced with certain circumstances, but even then they are not aware of how capable they are because they take the flight response instead of fight. im trying to say that physical strength isnt the only strength one has to go by.

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Having been that 9 year old child assaulted frequently and violently by my 3 years older brother, I feel frightened for your daughter reading this thread My brother around age 13 was beginning to assault my mother when she stepped in to help me before he was packed off to live with our father for a few years. He is now 28 and still believes violence is justified when 'teaching a lesson'. Please get help for your son, I can assure that your story sounds familiar and it doesn't have a happy ending without intervention

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    River Song  (28-10-2012)

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    to be honest i think whoever initiates the abuse/physical contact is to blame.

    society expects men to walk away and not hit women (and a lot do - i have seen so many men verbally and physically abused by their partners and the just take it....) but there are also ones that don't and unfortunately use it as control/power over women.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    So its your sons responsibility to always walk away from your daughters abuse simply because he is bigger? Why isn't it your daughters responsibility to learn not to antagonize your son? Shes only 9, but he's only 13, and possibly dealing with pressure from your ex from what you wrote earlier.
    He's antogonising her, he'll pick on her for any.little.thing. He'll call her fat, ugly, stupid, piece of Sh...anything he can think of. He has absolutely nothing good to say to her or about her. She'll be talking, not even to him, and he'll hae to have something to say to her...telling her to shut up and she's not worth anything. She lashes out because she is 9 and it is the only power she has in the situation. She feels less than. She feels powerless. She feels bullied...right or wrong...it is what it is. So after he's yelled at her that she's stupid and fat and not worth anything, she'll tell him to shut up over and over and to stop it and cry, I'll tell him to quit it or he'll lose priviledges...and if he's anywhere near her...and he does, he intimidates her by yelling over her...she'll hit him. Then he'll turn around and slam into her. This is abuse...he is abusing her - she is the victim! The onus is on him to shut up and keep his hands to himself. If he shut up...she would not feel the need to defend herself in this manner.

    It doesn't seem to send a good message that you want to put all the weight of this on your sons shoulders simply because he has a penis.
    He is the abuser.

    That'd how it seems to me.
    I did say that he would call her fat or something. I didn't elaborate that he would go on and on and on and on and on to the point where she is in tears over it. I'm sorry for that.

    ETA and before anybody jumps up my behind, no I am not saying that women who antagonize men deserve to be hit or any variation on that theme.
    Well you kinda are a little...victim blaming.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jinxed View Post
    average women ARE capable. you clearly dont believe it, so if you dont have the faith then of course YOU arent capable because your mind is not in the right place. i find it quite sad/sexist that you feel that women arent capable purely because they have a vagina. i am an average woman (actually below average - 55kg and 160cm tall) and i know i am capable of taking down a man bigger and physically stronger than me.

    No I don't believe it I'm sorry. I have no hope in hell to overpower my husband if he ever hurt me. I know a lot of women feel the same way. This has nothing to do with not knowing our own 'strength' other than physical or not knowing what we are capable of and everything to do with reality.

    It is not sexist...and I resent that and I know that there's a lot of women who have been in domestic violence situations who would really find offence in your post. I understand that you wish to empower and I appreciate that, but reality is reality and all the 'talking big' does not change the fact that most women are not capable to physically defend themselves against men. If they were we'd have a whole heck of a lot less violence against women.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mulva View Post
    Having been that 9 year old child assaulted frequently and violently by my 3 years older brother, I feel frightened for your daughter reading this thread My brother around age 13 was beginning to assault my mother when she stepped in to help me before he was packed off to live with our father for a few years. He is now 28 and still believes violence is justified when 'teaching a lesson'. Please get help for your son, I can assure that your story sounds familiar and it doesn't have a happy ending without intervention
    And did you ever hit him?

    I used to worry but I don't so much now as he is improving, not just in this one but in others too so....it's only up from here but thanks for the insight though

    Quote Originally Posted by halloweendee View Post
    to be honest i think whoever initiates the abuse/physical contact is to blame.
    And what if the initial abuse isn't physical?

    society expects men to walk away and not hit women (and a lot do - i have seen so many men verbally and physically abused by their partners and the just take it....) but there are also ones that don't and unfortunately use it as control/power over women.
    Society expects people not to want to abuse and control each other, in whatever form. I'm the same. But when the balance of power isn't equal then this is what brings the grey area. And it's this grey area which is what I like to discuss.


 

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