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  1. #1
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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    ***Disclaimer*** Just want to make it very clear that I believe all domestic voilence is wrong whether the perpetrator is male or female but I wish to discuss this out of interest****

    Another post has brought to my attention a differing feeling within me, between when a man is abusive vs when a woman is abusive. I've always been opposed to domestic violence and I've always seen it as being where a man is the perpetrator and the woman the victim. Even though I know that the opposite can happen, it's not as common so I don't often think of it. But sometimes I do think about it and this other post has brought it to my attention again how different I feel between the two.

    I have this thing in my head and I do believe the law also has a thing about reasonable force. So if someone comes at you with a stick and you get a baseball bat and belt the sh out of him then you're at fault because the balance is wrong. If someone slaps you across the face and you defend yourself by kicking him until he's dead...you're in the wrong etc etc. (reasonable force)

    Bearing this in mind, I can't help but feel the same way when it comes to woman abusing men. Most, if not all women are weaker than men and when I hear of a woman hitting a man, although I know it's wrong, I dont' feel as shocked or angered as I do if I hear that the man hit on a woman. In my relationship, if I was to hit my husband, it would be a with my puny fists that would do next to no damage whatsoever, but if he was to hit me...he could injure me severly purely because he is stonger than I am. Yet we would both be in the wrong if we hit each other.

    But I can't help but think that he would be MORE in the wrong than I would be because he has the potential to cause a lot more damage than I do. (reasonable force)

    I've had this discussion many times with my husband and he's pointed out my hypocricy so I know it's there It's just that I can't help but feel that the size and strength of the person doing the abuse should be taken in consideration when thinking how 'wrong' something is.

    I have the same issues in my family...when my 9 year old girl goes to hit my 13 year old boy...it's wrong and I deal with her but when my 13 year old boy hits my 9 year old girl...the difference in their size and strength means that I'm a whole heck of a lot angier at my son because he is bigger and could cause more damage to my 9 year old and I feel well within my rights to be more angry at him, being as how he CAN do more damage than my daughter can...he's also more agressive about it than she is also.

    So am I the only one that kinda feels like a self-righteous hypocrite here?? I just can't help but see the two scenarios as being difference based solely on the damage potential one gender has over the other.

    (Yes I do know that some men are very small and weak and some women are large and butch. But I'm more talking general where the man is of average size and strength and capabilities (and more) and the woman is of average size, strength and capabilities (and less). Besides which I have met some pretty weedy men in my life and they have all still been stronger and more capable than I am so believe that it would be very very rare for a man to be that much weaker than a women....possible but rare. I'm speaking more general here, for the sake of argument)
    Last edited by Deserama; 27-10-2012 at 18:50.

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Sex doesn't come into it for me, if my 13 year old child hit my 9 year old i would be crankier then if my 9 year old hit my 13 year old because 13 year olds are bigger and know better.

    If i as an adult start belting my husband or trying to hurt me and he reasonably hurts me back i deserve it.

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    Ok the 13 year old is bigger but because of his sex..the testosterone also makes him that much more stronger than the 9 year old as well...stronger than if a 13 year old GIRL hit the 9 year old girl. You know what I mean? Testosterone makes a male stronger and more agressive than the female...then add to that size of the child... Both are wrong but one is more wrong than the other based on their damage potential.

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    No one is not 'wronger' abuse is abuse regardless of gender or physical strength, hitting another adult is abuse and equally as wrong regardless of if you have a vagina or a penis

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby star View Post
    If i as an adult start belting my husband or trying to hurt me and he reasonably hurts me back i deserve it.

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    Yeh but see I don't see that as resonable. Because your husband has the potential to hurt you more or even kill you. He also has the strength to restrain you or stop you from hiting him...without the need to hit you back. In my mind you would deserve to be restained but I don't believe you'd deserve to be hit by someone who is stronger than you. Like...he wouldn't need to hit you, because he's already stronger than you and has the capabilities to stop you from hurting him without the need to hurt you back.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby star View Post
    No one is not 'wronger' abuse is abuse regardless of gender or physical strength, hitting another adult is abuse and equally as wrong regardless of if you have a vagina or a penis

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    Yep...that's cool

    But remember...

    ***Disclaimer*** Just want to make it very clear that I believe all domestic voilence is wrong whether the perpetrator is male or female but I wish to discuss this out of interest****

    So I do KNOW that but I am discussing how I feel and how it contradicts what I know. Yeh I know complicated...grrr

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Deserama For This Useful Post:

    intruderalert1234  (27-10-2012)

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    I think society in general have your same response to it.

    I don't, I've seen first hand that a female physically abusing a male can be more harmful than the flip side.

    I also have little pity for a woman who goes physically crazy on a man, then complains when she gets pushed or hit back.

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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    As illogical as it sounds I have the exact same thoughts as you do Deserama.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I think society in general have your same response to it.

    I don't, I've seen first hand that a female physically abusing a male can be more harmful than the flip side.

    I also have little pity for a woman who goes physically crazy on a man, then complains when she gets pushed or hit back.

    So even if the male is a big Samoan guy who's lifts weights at the gym and the female is he size of a 12 year old with the fists the size of manderines?? You wouldn't feel for the woman if he turned on her when he had the size and he capabilities to STOP her from hurting him?

    The reason I ask is because if a man was to hit on a woman, very few women would have the physical capabilities to stop the man from doing so. But if the woman was to hit on the man...the men almost always has the physical capabilities to stop the woman without the need for violence. So if a man resorts to hitting the woman back...DESPITE knowing that he has the capabilities to restrain and stop the woman from hitting and he failed to do so, instead resorted to violence...then wouldn't you think the balance is wrong here (reasonable force).

    I wonder what the law says about this....like in the courts would this be a defence? Where are all the lawyers?? LOL

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    So even if the male is a big Samoan guy who's lifts weights at the gym and the female is he size of a 12 year old with the fists the size of manderines?? You wouldn't feel for the woman if he turned on her when he had the size and he capabilities to STOP her from hurting him?

    The reason I ask is because if a man was to hit on a woman, very few women would have the physical capabilities to stop the man from doing so. But if the woman was to hit on the man...the men almost always has the physical capabilities to stop the woman without the need for violence. So if a man resorts to hitting the woman back...DESPITE knowing that he has the capabilities to restrain and stop the woman from hitting and he failed to do so, instead resorted to violence...then wouldn't you think the balance is wrong here (reasonable force).

    I wonder what the law says about this....like in the courts would this be a defence? Where are all the lawyers?? LOL
    Yep, still very little sympathy, aside from feeling sorry that she obviously can't control herself.

    I'm not saying she deserves to be hit, but people are more likely to hit back when being hit, than initiate the violence.


 
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