I just feel like giving life the big middle finger.
I have posted on the forum a few times about the trouble I have had finding care for my boys since moving to a smaller town. I spent all school holidays searching for someone, and thought I had found a solution, S.
She couldn't commence for a few weeks due to her yr 12 exams, so in the meantime I was put onto a lady who used to do FDC but now runs her own private business. I arranged with her to care for my boys until S finished her exams, in 5 weeks.
One week in, S contacted me and said her mother was sick, and she would be unable to provide care for me. That was ok- I still had a backup for a few weeks so I went back and found another person, M.
M was very excited I had called her, said she needed the money and a second job. I got a bit worried and told her it was only about $700 per fortnight, and she said that was ok. M came and met the boys and we arranged another meet in a weeks time so he could spend more time with the boys with me around. We agreed that in another weeks time she would start.
I informed the interim carer, and she was fine with it. Come sunday we had our 2nd meeting with M, and it all went well. She then called me a few hours later and informed me that the $10 p/h we arranged wasn't going to be enough, that she needed $15 per hour. Since I just couldn't afford that price, we agreed to part ways.
I called our interim carer and asked if it was still ok that she had the boys for another few weeks for me, and she assured me it was ok.
I had told the boys last Friday that it would be their last day at the interim carers house, so this morning when I dropped them off they were unhappy, saying they didn't like it there etc. (They had been fine with going there before I told them they weren't going to go there any more if that makes sense?!)
Today I got a message off the interim carer, telling me that tomorrow would have to be their last day- she had read her calendar wrong and she had a child returning from holidays and could no longer offer the boys places. Cue freak out from me, lots of hair pulling, tears etc.
When I went to pick them up, she went on to tell me that L had had a massive tantrum that morning after I left, that he had told her "my Mummy hates you and she says you have too many kids" (which triggered a gasp from me- I would NEVER say anything like that, ESPECIALLY in front of my own children- although I do think he may have overheard me say I wish the boys could stay there full time- but they can't because she has too many kids") and he was throwing toys at the window etc.
Basically being a monster child. I was horrified.. and then although I denied ever saying it, it felt weak, as though I was lying to cover up my child from outing me..
So now I'm left with no care, no options... no LDC with spots. No FDC with spots. Not able to meet the needs of private carers asking $15 and upwards. Only 30 paid days of leave when I need 2 months.
I feel sick just thinking about it, and I just want to give the world the finger today and tell it to F off.