Well, here goes, my very first diary entry. I apologise in advance because blog entries can run away with me, you can expect mine to always be long but I’ll put a cliffs notes version at the bottom for you! I called this “pre-start” because so far my Zumba package hasn’t arrived. I was expecting that though, damn living in Western Australia! Here’s hoping it arrives today. If it does, I’ll look through it tonight and weigh-in and take measurements, etc. tomorrow morning.
So, a little about me. My name is Siân but you might know me as Sahie although for now I’m proudly the Goblin Queen. Why did I enter this competition? I’ve spent years yo-yo dieting. At the beginning of my 20s I was 60kgs, happy and outgoing. Somehow along the way I lost myself. There were external factors, I’m an emotional eater and I can’t blame anyone but myself because I’m the one that put the food in my mouth. Frozen lasagna and chocolate are my big vices. I remember a time when I weighed 72kgs and was desperately trying to get under 70kgs, that was maybe…22 years old? Then I was 82kgs and trying to get under 80kgs, that was probably around 24 years old. For my wedding in 2011, I lost 10kgs and got back down to 73kgs but I didn’t do it in a healthy way and sure enough the weight piled back on again as soon as I started eating “normally” again.
In short, I’ve spent most of my 20s hating myself and the way I look. This is not the person that I want to be, I turn 30 in January and I don’t want to waste my 30s like I did with my 20s. I wish I could count the number of times I’ve started a weight loss regime, 30 days seems to be my number. 30 days and I fall off the wagon. You have no idea how grateful I am for this competition and the fact that it goes for 8 weeks because I have a reason to keep going this time.
There’s more to this for me than weight loss, though. I’m struggling right now, big time and I need to make some changes. I’m being brutally honest right now because I’m hoping that if I start making these changes I can look back at this and see how far I’ve come. You’ll see in my signature that I had a miscarriage in March. My due date for that pregnancy is this Saturday and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more down than I do right now. Do you ever feel like your life is spinning out of your control and you don’t know how to stop it? This month was my last chance to get pregnant again before that due date rolled around and it’s just gone down the drain. I’m not very fun to be around right now, when I’m not raging, I’m crying. So I bet you’re all glad that you’re going to be subjected to that, huh!
In short, I am so grateful for this competition. It’s a lifeline for me right now. Something to focus on that isn’t trying to get pregnant and goodness knows I need it!
TL;DR – My name is Siân, I’ve been overweight for a decade, I had a miscarriage in March and I am sad panda right now. I’m excited to start this competition.