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  1. #1
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    Default Not Coping

    Hi Everyone,
    I am 24 years old. i have been trying to conceive naturally for three years. I have now just been through my first round of IVF and much to my dismay had a negative result. I am finding it very difficult to cope with the disappointment and am looking for inspiration and hope from the forum. xxx
    Last edited by Hayley8; 22-10-2012 at 14:42.

  2. #2
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    hiya,

    first bit of advice i have for you...take your full name out of your post. Often, in forums we end up sharing lots of stuff we don't with people in our real lives and, you never know who will end up reading this.

    second. IVF is hard, heartbreakingly hard. It took us 3 iui and then 3 full ivf cycles to get our DD...and during that time, i went up and down over and over.

    It does work for thousands of couples though...it really does

    After each failed cycle we spoke to our FS at length and changed something to try and fine tune what we were doing as it def is not a one sized fits all process.

    Mostly, join the IVF support groups so you can get support from people going through cycles at the same time as you...they will be there through thick and think and be so valuable for support and info...and most importantly cheering you on when you get your bfp and then your baby to take home <3

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    Hayley8  (23-10-2012)

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    Hi Hayley,
    i conceived my 18 month old daughter through IVF. We fell pregnant on our second full cycle. It was heartbreaking not falling pregnant on first cycle but I also consider myself really lucky to have gotten pregnant second time round as many women try for years and years. It's rare for it to happen first time round as your body doesn't know what's hit it. Keep the faith I know trust me its hard but staying positive does help with the emotional roller coaster. We are currently starting a cycle to try for baby #2. Good luck Hun, it's a horrible experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy but that desire for a baby is so strong.

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    Hayley8  (23-10-2012)

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    Hi Hayley,

    I think most of us on here have been in your position and it sucks! Our journey took me through the depths of depression. After our scend attempt I found a really good counsellor who really helped - she explained how the loss of control was really affecting me. I guess prior to IVF I just had to work really hard to achieve anything I wanted, but no amount of hard work was going to guarantee success.
    It is natural to feel devastated - I always allowed myself a period of grief. I then researched and drew up a list of questions. I also booked in a de-brief appointment and planned the next round.
    I found this forum a fantastic place to be around women who understood. A lot of your friends will inadvertantly say the wrong thing.
    I hope that it's second time lucky for you

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    Hayley8  (23-10-2012)

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    HUGS!! sometimes it just feels horrible we have been trying for 2 years and have had 2 failed cycles and i have gone up and down throughout the time what i find that works for me to cope is to have a plan if it doesnt work so this cycle i have planned to do a vege garden if it doesnt work as i cant really do this if i was pregnant cos of heavy lifting etc! i hope you start feeling better soon it can get really hard and ALOT of ppl dont really know how HARD it is!!

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    Hayley8  (23-10-2012)

  10. #6
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    Thank you all so much for your hasty replies. I have had a couple of health issues, that were resolved by a hysteroscopy early in our family planning with my obstetrician, but other than that both my partner and i have no medical reason as to why i am unable to fall. On my first round of IVF they managed to retrieve 17 eggs but the next day was told that only one had survived - Which was devastating. TWW and ended up in hospital three times for minor reactions to the crinone gel. I guess i expected being young and healthy, that i had all the positives on my side. Every member of my large family has only had to look at their parteners and have fallen pregnant. My partener and i have felt very alone in the beginning of this long journey and its so lovely to know that strangers on a network are able to empathize and reach out, so from the bottom of my heart thank you. I have my fingers crossed for those who have not yet had the joy of pregnancy. I go back to see my doctor tomorrow to determine a course of action.

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    Hi Hayley,

    I understand how you feel. The ivf trip is very difficult. I thought I'd be fine in the beginning. My husband has a very low sperm count and I have no issues. We are going to do ivf or icsi. I started one round and after 5 doses of puregon they did an us which showed one egg and small follicles so stopped cycle. I ended up bleeding after this and ended up in emergency. On this same day I had decided to leave this clinic and go to another one the week after. The dr who prescribed the course of puregon wouldn't help me unless I committed to ivf with him. I had an appt with my next dr the next week and found the new clinic very, very good but am now back to the beginning as they want to look more closely at my husband and me. I am now on provera to get my periods back on track. This site is very helpful as its anonymous and talking to strangers for me has helped. Good luck with everything. Message me privately if you want to.

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    Default Not Coping

    Hi hayley,

    I could have almost written your post a few years ago... We tried for 5 years to get pregnant, 9 ivf cycles for "unexplained" infertility.

    One thing that stood out from your post is that you got 17 eggs/embryos and none made it. This exact same thing happened to us. Our doctor was pushing the egg collections too hard- his opinion was that we were young (25) and had nothing wrong so he may as well give me a strong dose of all the meds to get lots of eggs.
    This resulted in poor quality eggs that didn't make it.
    We eventually changed doctors after 5 full rounds with him (with never any embryos to freeze) to a fantastic doctor who put me on the minimum dose of everything and did things slow and we got freezable embryos!!

    Anyway, thanks to our clever new doctor, clexane, acupuncture and a lot of patience, we are finally pregnant with twins! In hindsight it didn't need to take us 5 years! We just needed a smarter doctor!

    Another thing I did to cope was every time I would get up early for a b/t or u/s I would reward myself with something- either my new fav song off iTunes, a Maccas brekky, some chocolate etc- whatever i needed to get me through that day!

    Good luck! It can happen!!

  13. #9
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    Hi Hayley,
    Big hugs. The first failed IVF cycle is horrible. I remember sitting on the back lawn balling my eyes out. What you are feeling is normal as you are going through the grieving process.

    I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility for three years! Unexplained infertility just means that you have to do your own research to identify what is wrong, because nobody has more of a vested interested in you, than you! I looked at all the possible causes of infertility from my end (as DH had no problems) and what was more likely given the pattern of my IVF cycles.

    Firstly, I knew that something majorly was wrong as I would bleed about 5 days after every transfer. Three years later and a change of clinic they identifed that I had low progesterone which can easily be fixed with Crinone.

    Secondly, I looked into Natural Killer Cells as I thought this might be problem. My new FS however thought it was more of an egg quality issue and he was right. I, like you, would get lots of eggs which would all fertilise but the embryo's would arrest on day 4. Unfortunately there is not a test for egg quality. However, you can undergo CGH testing to test if your embryo's are chromosomally normally. If they are not then there is a good chance there is something not quite right with your eggs. If they are found to be good your chances of getting pregnant with a CGH tested embryo are supposedly higher.

    I also agree wih mnmc that more eggs often = poorer quality so they might want to consider adjusting your dose. There is a process called IVM where they take immature eggs and mature them in the lab. You get less eggs but it is hoped that this will improve egg quality (I did this for one cycle).

    In hindsight I wish I had been more proactive earlier one. I stayed with the one clinic for years even though they weren't changing anything or listening to me. They kept saying it's an odds game and it would happen. In my case it was not an odds game I would never get pregnant with my progesterone levels or egg quality. So be proactive! and don't accept "unexplained" infertility.

    You are young and there are a lot of things they can alter to get you to your BFP. I hope you feel a bit better soon.

    xx
    SS


 

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