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  1. #81
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    You've got to do what works for you as a family. My DH looks after our son (he also works one day a week as a nurse) and I think that he is a fantastic example to our son. I work full time as I earn more money, but I have chosen to work my hours and get in early (rather than the silly ones I used to do), so that I can get home for 4.30pm and spend some family time together.
    I would suck as a SAHM, but love being able to dedicate all my time at home to my son. In an ideal world I would work part-time, but that can't be done at the moment.
    I think your ideas may change after the birth, but as long as your child is loved and nurtured everything else will fall into place.

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    Dont be silly, the men dont have time for forums. They are out working.
    Haha I think about 90% of the news commenting trolls would disagree with you there

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  4. #83
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    I have to say, I can't say I look at People who are totally dependent on another as role models. I can't say I respect that dependency mindset tbh.

    I don't know if it's as simple as being a 'SAHM' though... But I'm talking about those mums who became/become SAHM's mainly for the reasons (whether they admit it or not) of not really being motivated to do any *better* with their lives, just want a man to 'take care of them'. My close girlfiend's mum and dad went through a tough time recently and her dad got laid off. Her mum was totally unable to cope really, having lost so much self-esteem from a lifetime of not having to work, put herself out there etc. She was saying how her mum got a part-time job at spotlight but found it all 'too hard' so left after a few weeks. She loves her mother and respects her for her undying loyalty to them and their father over the years, but she also feels sorry for her that she has become so utterly dependent and lacking in self esteem.

    My younger sister is very bright, has done very well in her degree and masters. A few months ago over coffee I asked her what she wants to do now she has her masters. She said 'I just hope ****(bf) earns heaps so I can do nothing haha'. I couldn't believe it really, but didn't lecture her, just said 'wrong answer babe' and left it at that.

  5. #84
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    I have to say, I can't say I look at People who are totally dependent on another as role models. I can't say I respect that dependency mindset tbh.

    I don't know if it's as simple as being a 'SAHM' though... But I'm talking about those mums who became/become SAHM's mainly for the reasons (whether they admit it or not) of not really being motivated to do any *better* with their lives, just want a man to 'take care of them'. My close girlfiend's mum and dad went through a tough time recently and her dad got laid off. Her mum was totally unable to cope really, having lost so much self-esteem from a lifetime of not having to work, put herself out there etc. She was saying how her mum got a part-time job at spotlight but found it all 'too hard' so left after a few weeks. She loves her mother and respects her for her undying loyalty to them and their father over the years, but she also feels sorry for her that she has become so utterly dependent and lacking in self esteem.

    My younger sister is very bright, has done very well in her degree and masters. A few months ago over coffee I asked her what she wants to do now she has her masters. She said 'I just hope ****(bf) earns heaps so I can do nothing haha'. I couldn't believe it really, but didn't lecture her, just said 'wrong answer babe' and left it at that.
    What business is it of yours though?

    I work. I do it because I love my career (mostly), but there's no way I could look down on others for their choices.

    Does it always have to come down to people bagging out others to make themselves feel better?

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  7. #85
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Wow can't believe all the responses to my post. Definitely plenty of valid opinions on here and it's good to hear things from the perspective of both SAHM's and working mums, and combinations of the two.

    One thing that I hadn't thought about that a few of you raised was that my sister and I are career driven and we're the result of a SAHM.

    There are way too many posts to respond to but one thing that I did want to point out is that my mum is a beautiful woman, and I respect her more than any other woman I know. I would never repeat my original post to mum because I'm endlessly grateful to her for being awesome, which is why I posted it on an anonymous forum to hear what others think.

    Thanks for all of your replies and it's now time to do some soul searching to discover what kind of Mum I want to be :-)

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  9. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jakois View Post
    What business is it of yours though?

    I work. I do it because I love my career (mostly), but there's no way I could look down on others for their choices.

    Does it always have to come down to people bagging out others to make themselves feel better?
    You tell me! You can bag me for my opinion if it makes you feel better, that's fine. I'm tough. I wasn't being nasty to anyone.

  10. #87
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    You tell me! You can bag me for my opinion if it makes you feel better, that's fine. I'm tough. I wasn't being nasty to anyone.
    I think saying you don't respect someone because they are dependent on someone is a little nasty.

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  12. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I think saying you don't respect someone because they are dependent on someone is a little nasty.
    Mmm, they aren't good role models... etc...

    How about my husbands dependency on me to care for our children so he can pursue his career? Does that make him a bad role model?

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  14. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I think saying you don't respect someone because they are dependent on someone is a little nasty.
    In the context of what I was saying though and not so black and white, I think in terms of being a role model, a role model for me is someone who lives by example, is inspiring and motivated. I don't look down on people's life choices, but I don't necessarily see dependency or lack of interests and passion as role model worthy.

  15. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    Mmm, they aren't good role models... etc...

    How about my husbands dependency on me to care for our children so he can pursue his career? Does that make him a bad role model?
    No, no... only FINANCIAL dependency is the one to be ashamed of.

    God forbid those whom are now financially dependent on their employers ever lose their jobs. How could they be role models then?

    It seems like such a one dimensional way to view people.

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