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  1. #11
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    Default Re: Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I'm a stay at home mum but I only have sons, so I guess I'm safe then huh

    In all seriousness, I can't even be offended by the idea that I am a bad role model for my children because the notion is simply laughable. I am a fantastic role model for my children. And I teach them much more than how to cook, clean and keep house. I am a smart, educated person. It doesn't simply disappear because I am not working in a paid job

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  3. #12
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I think the wording of your post was slightly offensive to SAHMs. Just because you stay home and look after your children does not mean you are not setting a good role model or values!!!!

    My mother was a SAHM and did not have a career to return to once my sister and I were older. This didn't stop her from encouraging us to achieve greater things than a husband and children.

    Without her support and guidance I would not have pursued university and completed my degree. My sister completed an apprenticeship and has now decided to go to university to pursue a 2nd career path.

    However, she has also shown me how to be a good wife and mother which I also think is important. She taught me to be self sufficient meaning that when I moved out on my own I could look after myself (cooking, cleaning, washing etc).

    Don't judge a mother by her choices in life. Whether she stays home or returns to work, she is doing the best she can.

  4. #13
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I'm a stay at home mum but I only have sons, so I guess I'm safe then huh

    In all seriousness, I can't even be offended by the idea that I am a bad role model for my children because the notion is simply laughable. I am a fantastic role model for my children. And I teach them much more than how to cook, clean and keep house. I am a smart, educated person. It doesn't simply disappear because I am not working in a paid job

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    You're right. So right.

    I generally find such sanctimony from people about their parenting choices comes from an insecurity or uncertainty about their decisions so rather than say 'hey I'm really nervous about whether I have made the right decision to work/stay at home/anything in between' they project judgment on others who have made the opposite decision in an attempt to feel somehow morally superior. They overcompensate for their insecurity.

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  6. #14
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I am 30 and DH and I are TTC #1. I have had my career and now ready to take on the most important role of being mother. DH and I both really want me to be able to stay home until the kids are atleast school age so that I can teach them about life and teach them how to read, etc etc etc.
    My mum was a working mum - she was never able to come to school carnivals, I spent many afternoons being the last kid left after soccer practice as mum was stuck in traffic or couldn't leave work on time.

    I really believe that mothers can be either stay at home or working - it's the quality time that is given to the children that matters. Many SAHM are incredibly intelligent and creative - look at the many businesses that have been started as a at home business and now successful companies.

    While I appreciate your post and understand your intention, I think you need to find out what kind of mother you want to be - whether it be working or staying at home - and just be the best mum you can be - because that is all a child really wants.

  7. #15
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    Default Re: Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I‘m going against the grain.
    My mum was a SAHM. When my dad left and didnt pay child support, she had no career to turn to. I started stealing when I was very young to feed myself and my sister.
    It actually made me hate my mum for a while. My house was disgusting, there was no food and after dad left my ‘‘loving mum‘‘ did as well.
    I think sometimes SAHM can be a bad thing. It made me never want to be one, tbh.

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  8. #16
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    Where are the fathers in all of this. Why is it solely on the female parent to have to make a choice between being a SAHP and a working parent. I truly and sincerely hope that by the time my DD is considering having children the choice will be just as much about what her partner chooses to do and the impact that will have on the children.

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    OP, I get where you are coming from. You're young and you're trying to figure out what sort of mother you're going to be. I've been there! All sorts of different thoughts crop up in your head as you're trying to nut these things out.

    You can ask every mother in the world their opinion, but the only one that matters is yours. If I were you, I would spend some time alone for a while (away from forums such as these!) and really figure out what it is YOU want for your children, as that's all that matters! The way you were brought up will definitely have something to do with it. If you felt you would have benefitted from your mother being a little more 'worldly' and you would like that for your children, go for it. I was raised by a single SAHM. She never worked until her last child was 18, and by that point I had moved out of home. She was a brilliant SAHM, she was there for us all the time, picked us up from school every day and attended every school event for all three of us, cheering us on in the background. She really instilled in us the importance of family, love and togetherness and I always appreciated that.

    However, her being out of the workforce for so long did make it difficult for me at times. She had no idea how to help me out with things like job applications and Centrelink stuff. She didn't even know how to help me fill out my forms to choose my subjects at school for the next year. I received love and attention in abundance, but I never received any advice about how to survive in the world. I did show interest in wanting to get a part time job during school but the thought of it seemed to terrify her. As a result, I left school at 18 with absolutely no plans for my future, no job, no idea that once I was no longer studying I'd have to go on the dole. She just sent me into Centrelink once Year 12 was over and told me I'd have to tell them I wasn't studying anymore and they'd 'change my payments or something'. It took me a LONG time to find my feet in the world and I had to do it on my own. I always felt like I was really 'behind' others who'd managed to build somewhat of a career path and opportunity for themselves. It took me a year just to get a casual job in retail as I'd had no experience.

    As a result, I swore to myself that when I had kids, I would strike a better balance. I don't believe there is a firm rule as to whether SAHM's or working mum's are better. It's up to the individual what they want for their lives and their families. I want to be a SAHM so I can be there for my DD as my mother was to me. But I still want to work part time, just a couple of shifts a week, just to stay 'out there in the world', IYKWIM. I want to be able to help my daughter with her own career path one day, if that's what she chooses. I at least want to be able to help her make choices regarding her education, which my mum was never able to do for me.

    I understand that no offence was meant by your post and I totally get where you are coming from. Just do what you think is right, and know that you don't need validation from any others for doing so!

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  12. #18
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    I can see what you mean... And I suppose it depends on your family's situation. I was raised by a sahm too and although I went to university I was never career orientated and never had a dream job that I loved, and as things go I grew into a fairly conservative person as is my husband too. So for me it's been great the opportunity to be a sahm.
    But on the other hand if I had a job I loved I might want to keep working, or if we couldn't live on one salary.
    I think if you are a working mum there needs to be clear home/work boundaries and def make the most of your time with the family. There's no one fits all solution you do what makes you happy

  13. #19
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    How so very sad that that's how your view your Mum.

    Sounds like she was pretty awesome.

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  15. #20
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    I dont think its about SAHP at all. It is really the individual and their drive, etc.

    You can be a working parent in a dead end job and hate it, have no compulsion to work harder or be better or work yourself through the ranks so I cant see how that sort of working parent would help....using your example.

    But you could have a SAHM that is driven, that bakes and cooks and sells these things at the local markets, that loves to read and learn new things and takes short courses to better herself and therefore can then share that with her kids. So is that mum worse then the working parent that doesnt have any career focus?

    Some of the SAHM examples are about the parent themselves. Yes they stayed at home and looked after their kids but maybe they themselves didnt want a job or career....that they just wanted to be at home? Some people are just like that.

    I know lots of people that hate work and have no career aspirations and I certainly wouldnt send my kids to them for a working role model!

    I am a SAHM but I now run my own business from home, look after my kids, help with homework, look after the house and cook and bake and do after school playdates too. I think I am an awesome role model for my boys and daugther.

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