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  1. #171
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    I always wondered for those that choose to be a SAHP long term, are you not worried about what you will live on in your retirement? Unless your partner earns enough so they will have enough super for 2 people (not very common), or what if you get divorced? You wont have any retirement money of your own.
    Aside from the fact that we need my income to pay a mortgage, no way would I not work for any significant amount of time, it would be an awful existence to end up on the old age pension, I want to have money for my retirement.
    I honestly dont think about it. Naive, sure....ignorant, perhaps. I just am not one of those people that think THAT far ahead.

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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    I honestly dont think about it. Naive, sure....ignorant, perhaps. I just am not one of those people that think THAT far ahead.
    God I do. I'm 41 and I might live for another 40 or even 50 years. My kids won't be off my hands til I'm close to 60 (). I want my 60s and 70s to be spent travelling and living it up. I'll need money for that.

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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    I always wondered for those that choose to be a SAHP long term, are you not worried about what you will live on in your retirement? Unless your partner earns enough so they will have enough super for 2 people (not very common), or what if you get divorced? You wont have any retirement money of your own.
    Aside from the fact that we need my income to pay a mortgage, no way would I not work for any significant amount of time, it would be an awful existence to end up on the old age pension, I want to have money for my retirement.
    I had DS at 39 so spent 20 years working really hard and we started our own business 8 years ago to make sure we could have the flexibility to have time off for our kids, I was sure I would go back to work ASAP but once i had DS i could not think of anything worse! I have lost a lot of income from not working but much prefer to be home with him

    when he is at school I can come and go as I please to work which I only intend to do to pay for his school fees and to let DH have some time off with his son!

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    Quote Originally Posted by TinyLittleTootsies View Post
    I still don't know what I want to do and I have age on my side, but I guess to answer you OP, I have come to the conclusion that happy parents are the best role models. There are negatives and positives either way, you have to do what makes you happy to a certain point or the unhappiness just seeps into everything you do, and that is when you can't be a good Mum imo. (disclaimer: I'm not talking extremes here, just general happy, or being content with life, and excludes parents who are happy taking drugs, neglecting their kids cos it makes them happy etc haha.)
    I love your post, you are so right

  5. #175
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    Exactly.

    And the thing is, often times husbands are just as dependent as their wives who stay at home.

    I have a close friend who left her husband and while she hasn't had an easy ride reeastablishing herself professionally, he has also struggled because all of a sudden on the days he has custody he is doing school pick ups and juggles. Even with after school care he has to have an absolute finish time at work.

    Dependency isn't always a one way street.
    I do believe they call that co-dependancy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    If you look at the topic, it's SAHM vs career mum. I can't see how anyone (male or female) can stay at home through their child's primary school years and beyond, and then decide after 10 or so years out of the workforce that they want a career. Not just a job during school hours, but a career. I'm sure it's possible, but I don't know how easy it would be. To my mind it would require a lot of retraining and then virtually starting again. Happy to be corrected if anyone wants to.
    Sure they can! I'm planning to. And I see a lot of other mothers doing it also...it's hard but it can be done


    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    I always wondered for those that choose to be a SAHP long term, are you not worried about what you will live on in your retirement? Unless your partner earns enough so they will have enough super for 2 people (not very common), or what if you get divorced? You wont have any retirement money of your own.
    Aside from the fact that we need my income to pay a mortgage, no way would I not work for any significant amount of time, it would be an awful existence to end up on the old age pension, I want to have money for my retirement.
    No I didn't....but I do now!

    The harsh reality is...as great as being a LONG TERM SAHM is...it's simply not realistic in today's climate. Or even my mother's climate. She's slogging her guts out right now trying to build up her superannuation...she can't even be a proper grandma...she also has emphysema (sp?).

    I myself,became separated and divorced and left with 4 kids and no prospects. It was then that I realised that I'd made a very bad decision all this time. A decision I haven't get corrected...so if something happened to my husband I'd litterally be up sh!ts creek...as he would if something happened to me (co-dependant)

    So yes I do know...and I most certainly teaching my girls that as great as being a long term sahm is..and how important it is, it simply isn't a wise choice. And I'll tell anyone who listens the same thing!!!

  6. #176
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    isn't that why we have kids??? We look after them and they have to look after us

    Haha. But I plan on using that cultural card and living with my kids. I'll divide my time equally between them.

    That's what my paternal grandmother did. She had 4 children in 2 countries and would spend 3mths of the year with each child. When with us (June-aug) it was great! My parents got to have trips away, go out and she was an amazing cook!!

    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    I always wondered for those that choose to be a SAHP long term, are you not worried about what you will live on in your retirement? Unless your partner earns enough so they will have enough super for 2 people (not very common), or what if you get divorced? You wont have any retirement.

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    I'm not sure where you've gone in all of this OP.

    Having just re-read your OP I really think for the most part it is judgemental, derogatory and ignorant.

    If you think that employability and financial independence are the only ways to be a 'role model' then you're misguided.

    Hopefully the kind of 'example we're setting for our daughters' is to not pit women against women but to embrace the freedom of our choices.

  8. #178
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    God I do. I'm 41 and I might live for another 40 or even 50 years. My kids won't be off my hands til I'm close to 60 (). I want my 60s and 70s to be spent travelling and living it up. I'll need money for that.
    Understandable. I am 27 and have always been a cruisey type of person, so its just not something I plan for yet.....even though I know I "should".


    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    Same! No buying cat food to eat and sitting in the dark to save money in my retirement
    Just make if you come visit me you bring your own spoon and candle to see while you eat your guest portion of cat food....if you can pry it away from one of my 12 cats.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    Same! No buying cat food to eat and sitting in the dark to save money in my retirement
    Absolutely! I'll be kicking up my heels in Paris or New York spending my kids inheritence!

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    Having in-laws who have to live on a pension because super wasnt compulsory, I can say that as a 31 year old, Ive started to take the whole thing alot more seriously. I couldnt live like they do.

    A work friend always used to say to me 'put extra in Super' and I always ignored him cause I thought he was an oldie who had no idea. Now I wish I had of listened.


 

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