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  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I get what you're saying.

    I think a lot of people see SAHM as housewife, and I really don't.

    To me SAHM just means that you're not going in to work. That doesn't mean you're housebound, or that you do cleaning/ domestic chores, or that you DON'T do fun stuff/ intellectual stuff/ community stuff too.
    To me the term SAHM does mean that your full time focus is being a mother (hence the ‘M’). Otherwise you would be called a student or volunteer or something like that. So I agree that calling yourself a SAHM when all your children are teenagers is a bit weird.

    I also feel a bit sorry the fathers who are solely responsible for bringing in the money and don’t have the option to do ‘fun stuff/ intellectual stuff/ community stuff’ when their kids get older. If the family workload decreases (when the kids go to school), shouldn’t both partners benefit from that?

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  3. #152
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I get what you're saying.

    I think a lot of people see SAHM as housewife, and I really don't.

    To me SAHM just means that you're not going in to work. That doesn't mean you're housebound, or that you do cleaning/ domestic chores, or that you DON'T do fun stuff/ intellectual stuff/ community stuff too.
    But for many being a SAHP does mean you are predominantly stuck at home with one/multiple child/children and the housework.

    I'm a SAHP. We are on one income so can only afford 1 car which DH takes to work. So whilst I do some local things with the kids - I'm not out every day. I also do all the cooking/cleaning/washing cos we quite frankly cant afford a cleaner, take out and other luxuries. So for many SAHP - it is quiet and LOTS of work.

    Off topic sorry OP.

  4. #153
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    Without having read any more than the first few posts, and the last few posts...

    I believe that my mother was a fantastic role model as to what a mother should be. I can never relate when people talk about their mother being selfish, nasty, cruel, rude, etc. My mother was fabulous. She was a SAHM until I was in my teens.

    Because of my mother, there is no way on earth I could consider being a working mother while my child is younger than school-aged. I saw what benefits arose from having a SAHM and I would not deny my child the same experiences. I made sacrifices for this, but I feel it was ideal in the long-run.

    My partner agrees, and we are both fine with me earning money as "extra" rather than as an essential, as we're both in agreeance that a SAHM until school is optimum for any children we have.

  5. #154
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I fully agree. I too had a SAHM till I was in high school and then she worked school hours till I was in UNI.

    My DH also had a SAHP till he was in school. This has made us want our children to have at least 1 parent home MOST of the time till school aged.

    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    Without having read any more than the first few posts, and the last few posts...

    I believe that my mother was a fantastic role model as to what a mother should be. I can never relate when people talk about their mother being selfish, nasty, cruel, rude, etc. My mother was fabulous. She was a SAHM until I was in my teens.

    Because of my mother, there is no way on earth I could consider being a working mother while my child is younger than school-aged. I saw what benefits arose from having a SAHM and I would not deny my child the same experiences. I made sacrifices for this, but I feel it was ideal in the long-run.

    My partner agrees, and we are both fine with me earning money as "extra" rather than as an essential, as we're both in agreeance that a SAHM until school is optimum for any children we have.

  6. #155
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    Default Re: Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by Meg2 View Post
    To me the term SAHM does mean that your full time focus is being a mother (hence the ‘M’). Otherwise you would be called a student or volunteer or something like that. So I agree that calling yourself a SAHM when all your children are teenagers is a bit weird.

    I also feel a bit sorry the fathers who are solely responsible for bringing in the money and don’t have the option to do ‘fun stuff/ intellectual stuff/ community stuff’ when their kids get older. If the family workload decreases (when the kids go to school), shouldn’t both partners benefit from that?
    Yeah, this is my main gripe with one partner staying home past the time that they are making a useful contribution to the household, through child care and 'keeping house'. If i went to work every day and my partner turned around and said 'i want to stay out of paid employment to do my art/write my blog/bake treats for the family' I would laugh as I waved him off to work for the day. It seems a bit like being 'kept' in some senses. There is so much potential for a power imbalance there.

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  8. #156
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    I just kinda dont see how its anyone elses problem what people do with their lives when their kids are at school. I just dont. Thats probably because, until recently, I was unemployed and DS is in yr 2 this year. So that means I had time when he was in kindy, pre-primary and yr 1 to do 'whatever I wanted' whilst he was at school.

    I know for a fact that alot of people think its lazy and lame (and whatever else) to not do anything while the kids are at school and that they would 'go crazy' or whatever.....good for them....so what? I wont lie and say I spent ALL that time doing errands and housework....I also socialized, I went shopping for fun, I had coffee with family or friends, I sat on my a$$ and watched daytime tv.......................if I can afford to live that way and my partner is fine to support us both, then what business is it of anyone elses? Also, my child is aat school, so he doesnt see what I do during the day so how is what I do during that spare time influencing him? He walks out his class door and sees me standing there, comes home to a clean house with food and toys and whatever else he needs. My 'job' as a SAHP gets done.

    Personally, I think spending 4years raising a child full time as a SAHP warrants a person some free time to enjoy for themselves once the kid does start going to school. Not everyone agrees or sees it that way, and thats fine too....each to their own.

    (Reading this back I fear I may have gone off on a tangent here...oh well Lol)

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  10. #157
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    I agree with that too London. I've always thought after being a long-term SAHP surely they deserve at least some down time if they feel they need it. I'm one to go crazy, so good for me

  11. #158
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    My popcorn needs refilling.....

  12. #159
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I agree with that too London. I've always thought after being a long-term SAHP surely they deserve at least some down time if they feel they need it. I'm one to go crazy, so good for me
    Lol

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    If you look at the topic, it's SAHM vs career mum. I can't see how anyone (male or female) can stay at home through their child's primary school years and beyond, and then decide after 10 or so years out of the workforce that they want a career. Not just a job during school hours, but a career. I'm sure it's possible, but I don't know how easy it would be. To my mind it would require a lot of retraining and then virtually starting again. Happy to be corrected if anyone wants to.

    So I think we're talking a bit on different tangents. Last night I said that I imagined after being out of the workforce for so many years most SAHM wouldn't have a career because they would be unemployable. Do others disagree? I suppose if you had your kids when you were very young it might be different. I guess I tend to think of it from the perspective of most of my friends (uni then worked during 20s then maternity leave during 30s).


 

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