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  1. #141
    Theophania's Avatar
    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    Right well I haven't read through the whole page because well 15 pages would take AGES and I have housework to do

    OP I don't think being a stay at home mother is setting a bad example for our sons or daughters. I am a SAHM of two beautiful children and I have sacrificed ALOT to stay at home and raise my children. I made the choice to give up working and all the perks to raise my children at home with me. I believe that my kids need me in these early years of development. I believe my children will be more secure and confident because they have had me at home for these critical developmental years. I believe that sending a child to daycare everyday from a young age is not benficial for them (please notice I said 'I believe'... this is my belief I don't care what anyone else does with their kids). iI could have chosen to go back to work and earn money and work my way up the ladder etc etc then what... oh I could buy my kids more toys, or a big house, or a new car or whatever but you know what I can't buy with that money... these precious years I get to spend with them at home... Like I said I have sacrificed alot to be at home.

    I don't plan on being a full time SAHM forever, once my kids start school I plan on finishing my studies and starting work through school hours so I can be home for them when they get home from school etc, atleast until the later years of high school anyway...

    I guess at the end of the day I think you were very lucky to have he homelife you had. I would love to give my kids that kind of stability.

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  3. #142
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    I think this sort of thread is hard to answer because everyone has their own definition of a SAHM, and answers with that in mind.

    A SAHM could be:

    Someone who does the housewife and 'traditional' mum roles, and has never pursued a career;

    Someone who does no cleaning or domestic duties, but looks after the children and (when they are at school), pursues her own interests - writing/ studying/ charity work/ sport/ whatever;

    Someone who is financially independent and chooses not to work, but spends her time doing all kinds of things that interest her/ benefit the community;

    Someone who watches Oprah all day.

    There are a million combinations. How can anyone say that a SAHM is a good or bad role model, any more than they can say 'women' are good or bad role models? It depends on what that SAHM does, who she is, and what behaviour she models. There are no intrinsic rights or wrongs.

    It's also the case that there are other ways to be productive in society than through paid employment. If none of us needed to work for money then I am sure there are hundreds of things we would all do instead of our current jobs.

    And for those who say 'Well I would always have to work or I'd get bored' - I don't understand. Not working doesn't equal sitting on the sofa all day. You could spend all day pursuing interests and learning new things, but not being paid to do it. SAHM doesn't equal sloth/ housewife.

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    I get bored on holidays from work, I don't think being a SAHM means sitting on the sofa all day. I just found it boring due to my personality. Different strokes

    ETA: I only have one school-aged child. When I was a SAHM there was no time to 'pursue interests and learn new things' as said child always wanted something - food, play, go to park and then there's the cleaning etc. All things I find mundane. Now he's in school I guess I'd have 9 am - 3 pm to 'pursue new interests' but I figure I may as well do so through work and be rewarded for it. Guess I just don't understand what's not to understand. Some people find a desk job boring. Some find being a SAHP boring.
    Last edited by Benji; 23-10-2012 at 11:22.

  5. #144
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    the only issue is that people see it as a versus instead of an "either/or/bot" scenario.

    It's like saying "should you work for a company or start your own business"...both are totally valid choices.

    It's like "should you go to uni/tafe or straight into the workforce"...both valid choices with lots of options within them.

    I don't understand why people get their knickers all tied...what i see, on a large scale...is that everyone is doing the best they can for them and their families. Some women inspire their kids by working and supporting the family and some inspire them by staying at home...some inspire by juggling study and work/sahm.

    It's not a competition...it's life. And life is what happens while everyone is trying to plan for other things...embrace what you have chosen and move on.
    Perfectly said!

    I'll be honest: the whole question of being a role model or not isn't really something which factored into my decision to work or not work. I've made the choice to work part-time (2 days per week) since DS was 22 months old because I wanted to - I almost needed to retain my own sanity I think. I enjoy my work and I've studied/worked pretty dam hard for a whole lot of years to get to the position I'm now in. I was fortunate enough to take 22 months maternity leave and whilst I loved being there for my DS I also felt like a tiny part of me died inside - sounds dramatic but that's how I felt.

    By the same token though, I'm not at all comfortable with leaving my DS in long daycare at his age which is why my decision to return to work wasn't so simple. I've recruited a nanny, my parents and DH to pitch in and help out on the days I am working and so far it's working well. I have no desire to work anymore than 2 days per week though.

    I have struggled with guilt since I've returned - the fact that financially I don't have to work but yet I choose to eats at me from time to time. But I feel that I've made the right choice for me and for DS right now. I appreciate the time I do have with my DS more because I know I won't get to see him everyday. He also gets a break from me and the benefit of spending time with others who teach him so much. I often joke that going to work is like a 'break' for me - but it actually is. I get to eat a nice lunch in peace, wee without an audience and dress up like a normal person. This might seem shallow to some but it works for me!

  6. #145
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    I work because I have to to survive.

    We had our first, and I went back to work 3 days when he was 7 months. Hated every second of it.

    We had our second, and I went back to work 3 days when she was 7 months. Hate every second of it. It's barely worth it because daycare costs almost as much as I make. I barely make $100

    I'm now pregnant with my 3rd and won't be returning this time until at least one of them is in school. It wouldn't make any sense financially. I WILL however try to work out a way to make some extra money from home, so that I can contribute financially to our household.

    If like your mother, my husband made enough money for me to not have to have returned to work... there is absolutely no way I would have. My children are my life, and I want to be at home with them. That's what makes me happy, that's what makes them happy. We all do what we have to do and what is right for us and our families.

    To me it sounds like your mum did a bloody awesome job. I wish she was my mum!

    I do think that once all your children are in school it is a little weird not to pick up SOMETHING throughout the day. I mean, my mum didn't, and that worked for her and my Dad, but for me once the kids aren't home with me I'd have to be doing something. Even if it was volunteer work at the school or something like that. Not that I think someone who DOES stay home is a bad role model, I just think for me it would be weird to stay home and just keep house all day while the kids are at school.

  7. #146
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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post
    I do think that once all your children are in school it is a little weird not to pick up SOMETHING throughout the day. I mean, my mum didn't, and that worked for her and my Dad, but for me once the kids aren't home with me I'd have to be doing something. Even if it was volunteer work at the school or something like that. Not that I think someone who DOES stay home is a bad role model, I just think for me it would be weird to stay home and just keep house all day while the kids are at school.
    Maybe I should start a spin-off thread, but a few people have indicated that's wrong/ weird, but I don't really see why.

    If all you were doing was keeping house, then that could get pretty dull, but why is paid employment essential if you don't need to do it?

    Why can't you use that time to write a book, study something that interests you, meet friends, explore new places, pursue an interest, do charity work, etc.?

    If you are keeping busy, active, healthy, and learning new things and loving life - then why is 9-5pm employment so vital? (If you don't need the money, I mean).

    What if both parents were doing that? (E.g., both did not require an income from a 9-5 type job).

    What if you've worked hard to be in a position where you don't have to do that? I can't see how it would be boring when there is nothing stopping you from doing anything in the world during that time.

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  9. #147
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Why can't you use that time to write a book, study something that interests you, meet friends, explore new places, pursue an interest, do charity work, etc.?
    I think that's what she meant though - something to replace the "work" of caring for children, but not necessarily paid work.

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    I just hate the labels TBH. Why is one called a 'stay at home' mum anyway? How many seriously stay at home 24/7? And why am I a 'working mum' but my DP isn't a 'working dad'? I think the whole thing is a bit old fashioned TBH. If I were a so-called stay-at-home-mum and someone asked me what I do for work I think I'd just say 'raise kids' *shrug* that's their job. Just as mine is [insert occupation here] and raising my child.

    I think the labels serve as nothing but to cause a divide. I think nothing of the fact that some of my friends raise their children full-time just as I think nothing of the fact that some of my friends work/study AND parent. They just do what works for them and it's none of my business frankly.

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  13. #149
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Maybe I should start a spin-off thread, but a few people have indicated that's wrong/ weird, but I don't really see why.

    If all you were doing was keeping house, then that could get pretty dull, but why is paid employment essential if you don't need to do it?

    Why can't you use that time to write a book, study something that interests you, meet friends, explore new places, pursue an interest, do charity work, etc.?

    If you are keeping busy, active, healthy, and learning new things and loving life - then why is 9-5pm employment so vital? (If you don't need the money, I mean).

    What if both parents were doing that? (E.g., both did not require an income from a 9-5 type job).

    What if you've worked hard to be in a position where you don't have to do that? I can't see how it would be boring when there is nothing stopping you from doing anything in the world during that time.
    I don't think it's wrong or weird at all, and all those things you mentioned are exactly the things I meant that I would feel I needed to be doing once my kids are at school. I just feel FOR ME, I would feel pretty useless staying home all day once my kids are at school, and would have to be doing something, whether that be paid work, unpaid work, or otherwise. Making a contriution somehow to the community or my kids school, or our family in one way or another. Mind you, that could be just coz I can't be assed cooking and cleaning!

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  15. #150
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    I get what you're saying.

    I think a lot of people see SAHM as housewife, and I really don't.

    To me SAHM just means that you're not going in to work. That doesn't mean you're housebound, or that you do cleaning/ domestic chores, or that you DON'T do fun stuff/ intellectual stuff/ community stuff too.


 

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