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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by BornToBe View Post
    No, no... only FINANCIAL dependency is the one to be ashamed of.

    God forbid those whom are now financially dependent on their employers ever lose their jobs. How could they be role models then?

    It seems like such a one dimensional way to view people.
    Im sorry, but FINANCIAL dependency is the most dangerous kind. It's actually soul destroying, but I guess you've never been there.

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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    Im sorry, but FINANCIAL dependency is the most dangerous kind. It's actually soul destroying, but I guess you've never been there.
    I have never been financially dependent on someone, and never will be as I have always worked, but if you have (I assume do from your above post) then I think you should be a little more empathetic to those who are.

  3. #93
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    The thing is, if you make a choice as a couple for one person (usually the woman) to stay home and be a SAHM, then by its nature, the woman is usually financially dependent on her parter to bring in the income. Thats just a decision that you make together. The working partner is then depending on the SAHM to look after the children and the home so that he can work or further his career. I just don't see how a woman who makes the choice to be a SAHM is a bad role model.

    I actually think that during the 90s and early 00's there was a big compulsion for women to get straight back to work to make the dollars, but i in the last 5 years or so i've seen a bit of a shift in attitudes. In my circle anyway. Most of my friends are very well educated in quite well progressed careers but a lot of them have decided to take 2,3,4 years off work completely because they want to in the home, raising their young children (and therefore financially dependent on their partners). Doesn't make them bad role models in my eyes..

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  5. #94
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    Default Re: Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I striving to have it both ways.

    My eldest is 6yo, my youngest 7mo, I am and have been a SAHM for 6 years now, and will be for at least another 9 years. After that, I will almost be in the position to pursue my chosen career.

    I plan to commence study in 2014, off campus, part time, before moving to full time during placements and then by the time I've finished and ready to start my career, my children will be teens, and not require as much of my time and energy as a Mum.

    So there you go, I'm here for my children while they are young and need me the most, being able to help out at school, be there after school etc etc as well as showing them I study hard and strive to become a career woman. Best of both worlds

    *I can haz typos*

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  7. #95
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    I think your mum worked her **** off to give you a perfect childhood.

    How lucky you are.

    That's what I think.

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  9. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I have never been financially dependent on someone, and never will be as I have always worked, but if you have (I assume do from your above post) then I think you should be a little more empathetic to those who are.
    I AM empathic towards dependence, very much so!

    I was largely financially dependent on my ex for a while while I studied - it was agreed, but I found it very tough.

    Im not saying everyone should 'go get a job' and not be a SAHP at all! But long-term financial dependence isn't healthy for many spiritually, emotionally and financially. I'm sorry as clearly I've upset people here. But many people here are younger mums who haven't had to face these issues yet.

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    Default Re: Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    In the context of what I was saying though and not so black and white, I think in terms of being a role model, a role model for me is someone who lives by example, is inspiring and motivated. I don't look down on people's life choices, but I don't necessarily see dependency or lack of interests and passion as role model worthy.
    So a sahm whos partner works is not motivated or inspiring and lacks intrests and passion because she doesnt earn a wage?

    Wow.

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    There's nothing wrong with being a SAHM, just be educated in your family's income and where it is. I lost count of the number of times women came to see me who had no idea where their husband's money was kept, or how it was earned and spent.

    It's fine to be trusting and financially dependant, but be smart and savvy while you're at it.

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  14. #99
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    Default Re: Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I think people have very different ideas about what everyone's talking about when they say 'stay at home mum'. To me, there's a big difference between taking off work for the years when your kids are young, with the intention of going back to work one day (and hopefully keep their qualifications up in order to do so), and being a housewife forever. This will probably upset people, but yep if you are going to stay home after your kids are well and truly self sufficient (or even moved out of home) then I don't think you're a good role model. I don't. Cleaning an entire house takes a couple of hours a day, absolute maximum if you live in a mansion.
    Cooking dinner- an hour. If your kids are at school from 9-3, well if I were the working parent I would sure feel like I got a dud deal. *dons flame proof vest*

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    Default Re: Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    In the context of what I was saying though and not so black and white, I think in terms of being a role model, a role model for me is someone who lives by example, is inspiring and motivated. I don't look down on people's life choices, but I don't necessarily see dependency or lack of interests and passion as role model worthy.
    But being inspiring and motivated isn't just about being in paid work.

    I am motivated in many many ways. I am motivated to teach my children, to better myself in many ways, motivated to help others and I am most certainly passionate, I just don't work in paid employment right now. And yesviews am financially dependant on my husband for now - and he has been financially dependant on me in the past.

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