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  1. #1
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Hi ladies,

    Let me preface this post with telling you that I don't wish to offend anyone, I simply want to hear some different perspectives about something I've been thinking about recently.

    A bit of background on me - I'm 23 years old and currently 23 weeks pregnant with my first child and have found out we're expecting a daughter. I have a fantastic job in my chosen career path. I enrolled in my Masters shortly before falling pregnant as I didn't want to put my life on hold whilst TTC however fell pregnant the first month of trying, then the exhaustion took over and I had to defer my studies.

    My mum was a SAHM, so she picked me up from school every day and I could always have friends over after school and would often come home to yummy treats that she'd been baking and a very clean house. Whilst I loved having my mum around and didn't really understand why I could never go to my others friends houses after school (most of their mums worked), I've started to wonder whether SAHM's are providing a good example to their daughters. I was shown that my mum is capable of so much love, and is good at being a homemaker, however didn't have a professional female role model in my life until my sister (who is 12 years older than me) started working in a large bank and worked her way up through the ranks quickly. It got me thinking that SAHM's stay home with their children to love and nurture them which I think is fantastic, but in terms of life skills and employability, is this really the example that we should be setting for our daughters? Also, my mum has and will always be financially dependent on my dad. Luckily they have a beautiful, loving marriage of 30+ years, however if it wasn't so good, would mum feel that she could leave and survive on her own? What example is that setting?

    For me at this stage, financially I can't be a SAHM so will only be taking 6 months off before returning to work (albeit part-time to begin with), but even if I could, I don't think I'd want to be anyway. I want to show my daughter that you can be an intelligent, professional, independent female as well as a mum; the two don't have to be mutually exclusive.

    Looking forward to hearing some thoughts on this... Though again, I don't intend to offend with my post!

  2. #2
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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    It seems to me by reading your post your mum was a fantastic role model, as you mentioned you have a set career path in mind and were starting your masters? So her staying at home obviously did not deter you from following a career so you really have answered your own question!
    Last edited by Elijahs Mum; 22-10-2012 at 07:33.

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  4. #3
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    In addition to the post above you also mentioned your sister working her way up quickly and seems to have a great job so if the two of you (career orientated) were raised by a SAHM I don't see your point?

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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Versus?

    What does it always have to be mum vs mum?

    I mean really.

    Do what you think is important for you and your family. That's what matters. Not how other mothers decide to raise their daughters.

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    So you are concerned that the daughters of full time SAHM's won't have careers? Careers like....you and your sister? You and your sister who are the daughters of a full time SAHM?

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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I think the majority of the influence to get a good education and job and my strong work ethic came from Dad rather than mum as he ran his own business very successfully for 20+ years, and I was fortunate enough to have a very financially stable upbringing as a result of Dad's hard work.
    I always saw mum as the one who looked after us kids and the house and dad was the "smart" one who I'd go to for homework help.
    Also, I will do what is right for me and my family, but just like those who ask for opinions on sleep problems, circumcision or any other issue that crops up as a parent, I'm asking for opinions on this topic!

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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Wow tbh I find op ur post is a little offensive to sahm. I am a sahm by choice.

    For what it's worth, my mother (by choice) was career driven as was my father. Both great parents, both highly intelligent and very successful. I WISH that one of them would have spent more time with us, dedicated more time to us with our hobbies, schooling etc. we had cleaning ladies, ironing ladies, gee half the time we had meals cooked for us. Did I learn any particular life skills from that? Yes!! I learnt that when I had children I wanted to be there to teach them the things mine where to busy to do, I want them to know someone is always there and even though my parents were they were to busy discussing work etc. (my mother owned and ran a medical centre and my father owned and operated a dental clinic - dentist and inventor and his ideas are used daily in the dental across the nation) so very intelligent people.

    I left home with no ability to cook, clean, iron anything home related and it has been difficult not having those skills.

    I wouldn't say I am particularly career driven however in time I will study once my children are all at school. I do believe I am giving them so many things and they are definitely not missing out. We see education as a must and have spent a lot of time and money ensuring that every option is available for them.

    So as you see I am just one product of career driven parents, I wouldn't say it's given me a hunger for climbing a career path at all, nor did it for my brother who is a musician.

    Oh and hubby is in a great job which earns a great income. We are in a very good financial situation (we will own our second house shortly outright and I am just 23 like you) it also isn't a smart financial move for me to work given that we pay $80 a day for each child (soon to have 3) for child are and because of our income already we pay full price.

    A parent who chooses to sah is of no disadvantage to the child what so ever I believe. And I also believe it doesn't set a poor example of choice when it comes to the work force.

    On the phone and hard to post correctly.
    Last edited by 1CrazyMoose; 22-10-2012 at 08:08.

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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    Sorry but are you posting this to stir the pot?
    As other PP's have stated both yourself and your sister are career orientated and were raised by a SAHM, I'm not sure why you think it's setting a bad example? Personally I think your mother sounds like she's done a fantastic job!

    And realistically no it may not be financially suitable to SAH but with the costs of childcare these days a lot of women don't have the option to work.

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    Default Stay at home mum vs career mum

    I think your post will probably upset SAHM's as you say you don't know if they can provide a good example to their daughters?! I don't think that's true at all.

    I am currently on mat leave and will be returning three days a week when DS is 9 months and then four days a week as of Jan next year.

    For me, my career is as important as motherhood. I also like the money! But these are mine and my husband's choices and if we decided it would be best for me to stay at home then I'm sure my children wouldn't not find me a good role model (excuse the double negative!).

    Good luck with everything. You sound very motivated and I'm sure you will find a balance that works for you.

  15. #10
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    I'm a stay at home mum and I don't think I'm setting the wrong example for my daughter. It's what I've always wanted to be. I think it's important to show your kids that they have choices in life and that they can be what they want to be (as long as they work at it lol) despite the judgement of others.

    Not everyone has or wants a career, some people just work for the money and leave work at work (if you know what I mean) while their real interests at home are their driving focus. I think its all a question of life style choices and what works for each family is different and at the end of the day being a decent person is good example enough .


 

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