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  1. #21
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    I have had personal experience with this also.

    And I would recommend NOT talking to your sil directly. Do NOT give her further attention.

    Support your FIL/MIL and help them get her the right help.

    Help your FIL understand how he should be treating her (kindly, but firmly) and to not give attention to the cutting.

    I would cut for attention, whether it was made up scenario's in my head, or when an ambulance would come and take me to hospital and care for me.

    When I met my current bf, 5 years ago, he paled at what I had done and did not give me any attention what so ever about it. He had no idea how to deal with someone who did that, but his lack of attention really helped me stop doing it. I got better attention doing other nice things.

    For me, I cut because I had no where to put my emotions. I would feel utter despair within my chest, trying to 'burst out' (like you might feel the sensation 'bursting with pride', but sad feelings instead).

    Being taught how to deal with her emotions and not giving attention for the cutting (which would be positive reinforcement) will help your SIL get better.

    But I disagree that every tom rick and harry family member should contact your sil and show their support. Not until she has seen a professional and is on the path of recovery.

    Good luck!

  2. #22
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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    Quote Originally Posted by almai927 View Post
    my mum on the other hand was ashamed. we had a distant relationship and are still trying to re build what we have left. knowing she was ashamed and wanting to ignore the actual problems was very hard and not having her support made me feel worse.
    I don't know your mum but I doubt very much she was ashamed of you. More likely, she was ashamed of herself and her part in your unhappiness

  3. #23
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    Wow, this is a mine field and you are fantastic for wanting to help. The main problem is that everyone does it for very different reasons. For me it was guilt. My father was in my life for a few weeks then out of it for years, I was in the middle of my hsc and felt like I was failing and my best friend kept asking me out then ringing me to tell me he was hurting himself every time I rejected him. He even wrote me a letter one day describing in detail how horrible I made him feel every day.

    I hurt myself because I believed I deserved it, and because no matter how much I cried, I still felt the overwhelming guilt. I didnt tell anyone close to me because I didnt want to hurt them or upset them but I desperately wanted just one person to talk to that might understand how I felt.

    The idea of asking her advice for a 'friend' in a similar situation is a good one. When you focus more on helping someone else than being in your own head its easier to feel better. Suggesting a martial art and a diary is also a brilliant idea. Maybe buy her one and send it to her?

    Sorry for the novel, I just thought that I would add my spin on this as it seems to be different again from all the others.

  4. #24
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    almai is offline "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
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    Default *trigger warning* Advice dealing with self harm

    Quote Originally Posted by threechooks View Post
    I don't know your mum but I doubt very much she was ashamed of you. More likely, she was ashamed of herself and her part in your unhappiness
    Thanks... I guess i felt she was ashamed of me but she may have been ashamed of what I was doing. (one time she pulled my sleeves down whilst in the hospital waiting room even tho we were in the back corner and it was hot) I dont remember anything much apart from that because we were very distant for 4 years.

    She has apologized recently for not being around to support me and for doing things that hurt me.

    every situation is so different, it's always so hard to know what to do. people just do what they think is right at the time and when they know better, they do better.

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    threechooks  (23-10-2012)


 

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