+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    1,842
    Thanks
    305
    Thanked
    311
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default *trigger warning* Advice dealing with self harm

    I have just found out through DH, who found out through FIL, that 13yo SIL is cutting herself.

    FIL said he dealt with it by threatening to take her things away and make her change schools unless she stopped, but she has (obviously) continued where its less easily seen. Their family doesn't talk about emotions at all.

    I understand the psychology behind self harm, and want to talk to her, but ive never been there myself and would appreciate any advice from those who have dealt with this themselves or with loved ones.

    Thanks guys

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    892
    Thanks
    219
    Thanked
    746
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I can't give advice in how to stop it. Its something I've done a lot in the past and still occasionally do now.

    But I do know that the FILs approach is simply not going to work.

    Some kind of counselling maybe, I've always thought that would help me a bit but have never taken the step.

    I hope she's okay.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    2,860
    Thanks
    1,248
    Thanked
    1,443
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Agreed, punishment is useless maybe even harmful, you need to look at the underlying cause/s and she needs a lot of attention and support to overcome them with therapy. May be a peer problem so some time out of school could be a great idea. Good luck - it's so hard.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    892
    Thanks
    219
    Thanked
    746
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Sorry, forgot to add, if you have a good relationship with her then talking to her in a non confrontational way could be good (depending on her personality).

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    1,842
    Thanks
    305
    Thanked
    311
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    Sorry, forgot to add, if you have a good relationship with her then talking to her in a non confrontational way could be good (depending on her personality).
    We get on well but arent hugely close. We see eachother a few times a year and talk on facebook occasionally (we dont live nearby). I was thinking of trying to talk to her online so she doesnt feel too confronted. But do i tell her i know whats going on? Will that make her panic?

    I suspect bullying as a very compromising photo of her was posted on facebook recently and she gets some harsh comments on her posts.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    383
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked
    36
    Reviews
    0

    Default Re: *trigger warning* Advice dealing with self harm

    Poor girl, there must be some u.underlying issue as to why she has started, coming from someone who has and still occasionaly does self harm, yelling and taking things away will possibly make it worse. You say your not overly close, there is no harm in sending her an email letting her know that you know and are there for her if she ever needs you. Do not push her into talking or telling her what she's doing is bad, trust me it won't work. Good luck. Pm me if you need any help

    Sent from my HTC Desire HD A9191 using BubHub

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    892
    Thanks
    219
    Thanked
    746
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by CluckySC View Post
    We get on well but arent hugely close. We see eachother a few times a year and talk on facebook occasionally (we dont live nearby). I was thinking of trying to talk to her online so she doesnt feel too confronted. But do i tell her i know whats going on? Will that make her panic?

    I suspect bullying as a very compromising photo of her was posted on facebook recently and she gets some harsh comments on her posts.
    Obviously as an adult my responses would be different now so im trying to think back. In that situation if someone had told me directly they knew what I was doing I think I would've felt panic and shame so thats probably not the best way to go. But it's hard to saw.

    Maybe as a previous post suggested, just getting in contact in a general sense. Then you could start building a closer relationship slowly. It will take time though to become someone she'd open up to.

    It depends too if this becomes a pattern or if its just a one off reaction to a bad situation.

    Im sorry, im not much help. Its pretty yuck and once it becomes a normal response to emotional stress I've found its very very hard to change.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Somewhere in Vic...Bubhubbing!
    Posts
    2,288
    Thanks
    302
    Thanked
    526
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I know its not the same but when I was young I would make myself throw up after every meal but only when I was stressed or upset. For me it was that I had no control at all over my life and it was the only thing I could do that they couldnt stop me. It went on well into my 20s and I gradually stopped in my early 30s. But sometimes its so easy to lapse.

    It was like a secret that only I knew...I couldnt wait to finish a meal and go to the toilet. Afterwards it always felt like a relief....and I would always feel so self satisfied that I was doing something my parents couldnt stop.

    So not sure if it helps as its not about cutting but I think maybe the premise is the same. So young, no control, feeling stressed and upset with no avenue to turn to so sometimes it turns to self harm, other drinking/drugs/s3x.

    Maybe you can approach her by asking for her advise about a 'girl' who (maybe not cuts but something similar) does a self harming act and you want to know how to approach the 'girl'. She may open up about herself then or at least give you a way to approach her?

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to FluffyDucks For This Useful Post:

    halloweendee  (21-10-2012)

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    262
    Thanks
    21
    Thanked
    50
    Reviews
    0

    Default *trigger warning* Advice dealing with self harm

    I would perhaps not contact her on Facebook as if she's getting harsh comments from peers- to go on and read any private inbox msgs she would have to see the nasty comments also and it might undo the helpful things you are saying iykwim. Perhaps call her and be honest and say you know about it and get her onside first and tell her it's a response that lots of people have when they don't know how to deal with things. And see if she wants to talk to you instead when she gets upset. Unfortunately I think in the long run only she can make the decision not to do it - you can only help her in the process to get there quicker.

    I have personal experience with this situation xx

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    1,237
    Thanks
    599
    Thanked
    271
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My advice is be there for her when she has the desire. Let her know your always there for her, get her to call you if she feels that way. Teach her other methods to get her frustration out. I still struggle with self harm. Though in less extreme. I do it because I dont want to cry and need a way to get out my emotion in a physical way. I dont like feeling emotional pain and would rather feel phsyical pain. When I feel that way I need someone to hold me until I feel better. Someone to talk to me.

    Good luck with it.


 

Similar Threads

  1. This is very sad, TRIGGER WARNING
    By fairyflossfairy in forum News & Current Affairs
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 03-07-2012, 13:42
  2. Any advice at all *possible trigger warning*
    By 3'llhavetodo in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 25-03-2012, 21:23
  3. ****Trigger WARNING**** Oh my god :(
    By laurea in forum News & Current Affairs
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 02-02-2012, 18:09

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Baby Monitors
Looking to buy a baby monitor? :: Read viewer reviews of baby monitors BEFORE you buy :: Buy at a local or online Baby Nursery Shop
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!