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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Feel empty

    Hi everyone
    I lost my baby on 18/10/12
    Unfortunately I had a live ectopic, so I had seen a heartbeat and technically everything was fine except it was in my tube.

    This would have been baby #1 for DH & myself and we have been trying for over 8 years and experienced an ectopic before and 2 chemical pregnancies.

    This was just different, it was a viable pregnancy and I saw my baby.

    Im just so sad and the tears come and go in waves.

    In 8 years ive seen people have children and have more than one child and I am still to hold my 1st.

    I just wonder what I did to deserve this

    DH & I are so gutted + he is away at work so we have not even had a moment together yet to grieve this loss of ours.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Feel empty

    Oh fefe, you have brought tears to my eyes. I feel for you. I had a miscarriage last week. I'm so sorry to hear your news. Life is unfair! When is your husband home? I'm here to talk. Sending you lots of hugs xxx

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

  3. #3
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    Default Feel empty

    Hi fefe, again I'm so sorry to read about ur angel who passed on 18/10/12. I'm not familiar with live ectopic pregnancies, but can imagine how hard it is especially after seeing a heartbeat
    Let the tears flow, hopefully they help you! It sucks seeing people with successful pregnancies when u don't even have one
    Please don't think it's something u n ur DH deserve! Everyone deserves the chance to creat life and nurture it.
    When do u expect to see DH next so u can grieve together? Maybe u could do something together to commemorate ur angel when u see each other again?
    Just wanted to acknowledge ur journey n wish u guys all the very best x

  4. #4
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    DH is home on Sunday night ... and I am sure we will hold each other and cry for the loss of our baby.
    I sent him a short poem I wrote for peanut (what DH was calling our bubba for now) and he txted me back saying that it made him cry

    Since our baby would have been born in June I plan to buy a rose plant (plant for the month of June) and keep it in a pot (so can take it with me if we ever move). A small thing in memory of our baby.

    I also plan on buying the pandora charm with an angel wing and a pearl under it (gemstone for June) and wearing it on a bracelet and giving one to my MIL as well in memory for my angel baby and her angel grandchild.

    I keep touching the bandages on my tummy from the surgery and think that 2 days ago I was touching it and talking to my baby inside.

    I may also get a small rose bud tattoo on the side that my tube was taken from with peanut inside and just have the date he was made an angel under it

    It may seem silly to some but I just feel I have to do something.

    OB says my other tube is also pretty bad so likely hood of an ectopic on that side would be higher than norm too so its back to IVF for us.

    Got to go, can't type through the tears

  5. #5
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    I have no words except to say I'm so sorry and no one deserves this

  6. #6
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    Hi couldnt drop by and not say how sorry I am for your loss allow yourself all the time you need and do what ever you have to to create your memories... we release balloons every year and have a birthday cake its what makes us feel good , we watch the balloons until they disapear.


    My one bit of advice to you is to talk about your peanut all the time and dont blame yourself no one deserves this and healing is hindered if you blame yourself you are not at fault

    "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger"

    ICSI #1 2008(1 Embryo) -DS Archie Jo(stillborn at 36wks and 5 days)
    ICSI #2 2009(2 Embryo's) 1 Transfered -BFN (1 frozen)
    FET #3 2009 BFN
    ICSI #42009(2 Embryos) 2 Transfered -BFN
    ICSI #52010(2 Embryos) 2 Transfered -BFN
    ICSI #6 2011 May/June 2011 -BFN

    ED 2011 no luck -BFN

    # 8 Here we come-BFN

    # 9 Doner embryo Nov 2012

  7. #7
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    Hi Fefe76, am so so sorry to hear your news.
    All your feelings are so understandable, it's really difficult to get through it.
    My doctor recommended allowing yourself to feel all the feelings as they come (acknowledging them but not being consumed by them that it takes over). Easier said than done, but I find it has helped me.
    I had a d&c yesterday as my angel's heart stopped beating three weeks ago.
    Sending hugs and lightness to both of you


 

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