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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ConfussedMumma View Post
    I just need a bit of advice. I have a 1year old son and when I fell pregnant I had only been with my boyfriend for a few weeks and there was always a small chance that my son could have been conceived with my previous boyfriend. I decided to stay with my partner at the time and try make our family work. Over time it was certain that we weren't going to work out and I left. I still speak to my previous boyfriend and my ex has been rather nasty and demanding DNA tests etc even though we have always been certain he was the father. It all got to me and my previous partner suggested I do a DNA test with him to just rule it out. I've got the results back and i am Lost for words as it turns out my previous partner is my sons dad not my ex. I don't know how to tell my ex who has raised my son as his for the last year that he isnt the father. So my question is, has anyone ever been in this situation or know someone who has? Any advise is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
    I'm guessing your ex would be please as he now doesn't have to pay a cent in child support. I'm guessing that's why he was demanding the DNA tests

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  3. #12
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    Default Advice needed

    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    VicPark, she at no stage misled him... the dating scan info made both her and her ex think the baby was his. She has only just found this out, therefore, they were both misled by the info from the scan.


    You have done nothing wrong, these things do happen. However, now you know the truth...you do need to let him know and tell CSA there is no claim of child support against him.

    Is he having visitation? That is where it will be tricky. perhaps arrange an appointment with relationships Australia and tell him during the appointment and make sure you have somewhere he doesn't know about to go afterwards while he cools down.
    Apologies. If the ex was at the scan, heard the info (including risk of error) for himself, was willing to accept the chance the scan was wrong ...then the OP did not mislead.

    However ... If the ex didnt hear the information first hand and was made to think the dating scan was conclusive then thats another story.
    - if a woman has sex with two different men between periods ... Then seriously she should know there's a possibility either of them could be the dad. Dating scans can be incredibly inaccurate and I would be very surprised if the doctor advised it was a sure sign of paternity and that a DNA test wasn't needed.

    Either way OP needs to tell ex the truth and acknowledge that he has every right to be hurt and angry.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Apologies. If the ex was at the scan, heard the info (including risk of error) for himself, was willing to accept the chance the scan was wrong ...then the OP did not mislead.

    However ... If the ex didnt hear the information first hand and was made to think the dating scan was conclusive then thats another story.
    - if a woman has sex with two different men between periods ... Then seriously she should know there's a possibility either of them could be the dad. Dating scans can be incredibly inaccurate and I would be very surprised if the doctor advised it was a sure sign of paternity and that a DNA test wasn't needed.

    Either way OP needs to tell ex the truth and acknowledge that he has every right to be hurt and angry.

    Vicpark - he obviously had an idea the baby might not be his as he asked for a paternity test!! But only after the issue of child support came up of course.

    Making the OP feel bad about her situation is not actually helpful, so unless you have any helpful advice then please leave this thread alone.

    I wonder if her ex followed up on every sperm ejaculate in his lifetime... Either way, that's not the issue here.

    Good luck with it all OP. that must be really tough.

  5. #14
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    Default Advice needed

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    Vicpark - he obviously had an idea the baby might not be his as he asked for a paternity test!! But only after the issue of child support came up of course.

    Making the OP feel bad about her situation is not actually helpful, so unless you have any helpful advice then please leave this thread alone.
    .
    Just because a father asks for a DNA test upon splitting with a short term partner, it doesn't mean he suspected all along he wasn't the dad.

    Sorry but I do not believe the OP didn't know all along there was a chance of the first man being the dad. You have sex with 2 men in a month and it's a possibility. I do
    Not buy for one second that the doctors said the dating scan was evidence of paternity and a DNA test wasn't needed.I believe the OP was (understandably) confused and scared and 'willed' her then bf to be the dad. I dont believe the ex was properly informed of the situation: very few men would stay with a pregnant woman they had only just started dating and not demand a test (until they split) if they knew there was a risk the child wasn't theirs.

    I'm not saying this to be nasty. I don't think the Op is a bad person. I'm saying this because in order to move on I believe the OP has to acknowledge and respect the hurt the ex will feel when he finds out. And if she did in any way (even subconsciously) Mis represent the truth about paternity in the early days, she needs to apologise and forgive herself. Otherwise how can she move on?

    Sorry but I do not believe we're hearing the whole story. This doesn't mean I think the OP is bad or that I don't wish her luck.

  6. #15
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    Default Re: Advice needed

    [QUOTE=VicPark;6867873]Just because a father asks for a DNA test upon splitting with a short term partner, it doesn't mean he suspected all along he wasn't the dad.

    Sorry but I do not believe the OP didn't know all along there was a chance of the first man being the dad. You have sex with 2 men in a month and it's a possibility. I do
    Not buy for one second that the doctors said the dating scan was evidence of paternity and a DNA test wasn't needed.I believe the OP was (understandably) confused and scared and 'willed' her then bf to be the dad. I dont believe the ex was properly informed of the situation: very few men would stay with a pregnant woman they had only just started dating and not demand a test (until they split) if they knew there was a risk the child wasn't theirs.

    I'm not saying this to be nasty. I don't think the Op is a bad person. I'm saying this because in order to move on I believe the OP has to acknowledge and respect the hurt the ex will feel when he finds out. And if she did in any way (even subconsciously) Mis represent the truth about paternity in the early days, she needs to apologise and forgive herself. Otherwise how can she move on?

    Sorry but I do not believe we're hearing the whole story. This doesn't mean I think the OP is bad or that I don't wish her luck.

    Firstly he was aware of this the hole time... Secondly the dates the doctors gave me added up that it workd out i hadnt slept with my previous partner during the time frame!! Thirdly the relationship that i had with him was abusive it took me almost two years to get up the courage to leave him and still to this day i have threats from him so why would i ever choose to stay i only did it thinking my son was his! I NEVER EVER planned this or did it knowing he wasnt the fathet if i had ever thought it afyrr the dating scan i would have questioned it but neither of us did nobody questioned it becaus e of how certain the doctors were of the dates! I put this up here for advice and somewhere i can speak without people knowing or judging i understand where yur coming from in yur comment but what i have said is the hole story!


 

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