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  1. #1
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    Default Advice needed

    I just need a bit of advice. I have a 1year old son and when I fell pregnant I had only been with my boyfriend for a few weeks and there was always a small chance that my son could have been conceived with my previous boyfriend. I decided to stay with my partner at the time and try make our family work. Over time it was certain that we weren't going to work out and I left. I still speak to my previous boyfriend and my ex has been rather nasty and demanding DNA tests etc even though we have always been certain he was the father. It all got to me and my previous partner suggested I do a DNA test with him to just rule it out. I've got the results back and i am Lost for words as it turns out my previous partner is my sons dad not my ex. I don't know how to tell my ex who has raised my son as his for the last year that he isnt the father. So my question is, has anyone ever been in this situation or know someone who has? Any advise is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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    Call relationships Australia and ask for advice on how to broach this maybe?

    http://www.relationships.org.au/

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    Theophania  (19-10-2012)

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    RoseKathleen is offline ...Yes - motherhood is a full-time job!
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    Ouch!

    Perhaps contact your ex (who you thought was the father) and say that if he is willing to pay for it you will do a DNA test with him. You can then go through it all and when he finds out he is not the father, at least he will be prepared? You can also be double-sure that he is not the father - two tests are better than one!!

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    Eko is offline Acrobatic Dominatrix.
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    Wow, that's an awful situation to be in. I can't really offer any advice as I wouldn't even know where to start but I just wanted to send you some *hugs* at a very tough time!

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    So was he aware that when you fell pregnant that bubs could have been your previous partner? Or was he unaware that that was a possibility?

    If he was aware then it wont be a suprise but if he wasnt aware well then I would honestly just tell him. He is being nasty at the moment so this obviously wont change his attitude towards you. And he does need to know so he doesnt keep thinking your DS is his son. The longer you leave it the worse it will be.

    Yes its going to suck and be awful and I feel so sorry that you are in this situation but its better that its out now. So you and bubs can make a clean break and build a relationship with is bio dad.

    If you cant do it face to face maybe write a letter? Or even just call him. But whatever way you do it he does need to know.

    I havent been in this situation and I can only imagine how it must feel but if I was the ex I would want to know so I can start to seperate my feelings and move on.

    hopefully someone here has been in this situation with some advise to offer you.

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    Default Re: Advice needed

    Until my dating scan there was doubt but at my scan the doctors said the dates added up that he was the father.. so it was never questioned again by either of us.. thats is untill i finally got the courage to leave him an told him i was going to child support to start getting payments from him.. thats when he asked for it and i decided to go see a lawyer and get ahead by asking my ex
    ( now bio father) to do as a test so if he did make me do one i had already found out! But never did i expect these results niether did my ex (bio dad).. the problem i have now is im scared for my safty and actually am considerin running away coz im worried about what he will do... i cant see the light at the end of this for me or my son

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    Default Advice needed

    U should have a plan in place before u tell him so u can be protected. Maybe tell ur lawyer what ur concerns r n see what ur best options r. Is it possible to drop the child support pursuit, move away but send him a letter before u leave then change ur number....hugs...

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    Sorry I just wanted to say that if he knew there was a possibility the bsby wasn't his, yet only asked about paternal testing once the subject of child support came up, then that's rather dispicable really...!

    Tell him. The honest truth is always the best option. What matters is your bub and his right to know the truth.

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    Default Advice needed

    Your ex is going to be angry: he thought he had a child and now he doesn't. The best way you can deal with it is to be honest, to acknowledge that he must be hurting, that he has a right to be angry, and to most importantly apologise for misleading him. Once you've done the right thing you can forgive yourself, get some distance between you and the ex, and hopefully move on to have a good co-parenting relationship with bio dad.

    Good luck.

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    VicPark, she at no stage misled him... the dating scan info made both her and her ex think the baby was his. She has only just found this out, therefore, they were both misled by the info from the scan.


    You have done nothing wrong, these things do happen. However, now you know the truth...you do need to let him know and tell CSA there is no claim of child support against him.

    Is he having visitation? That is where it will be tricky. perhaps arrange an appointment with relationships Australia and tell him during the appointment and make sure you have somewhere he doesn't know about to go afterwards while he cools down.

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    Chillies  (19-10-2012),Ellewood  (19-10-2012)


 

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