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  1. #1
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    Default Why is the baby more important than the mother?

    I read this so often in birth threads "all that matters is a healthy baby" - do you believe that & why?

    The baby wouldn't even exist without me; personally I believe my health and wellbeing matters too...

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    Default Re: Why is the baby more important than the mother?

    I think both are equal and just as important as eachother

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    Default Why is the baby more important than the mother?

    I think what most people usually mean is that a healthy baby is the most important thing not the only important thing. After all, a baby is the desired outcome in a planned pregnancy so it makes sense that the outcome is the most important thing because that's the point of pregnancy.

    I think it also depends what you are comparing, if for example you are comparing the lives of the mother and child than most people would I think see them as equal.

    The phrase seems to be mostly used though when talking about the "birth experience" and of course when it really comes down to it most mothers would choose a live healthy baby over a "good" birth experience.

    That doesn't mean that the mother's experience is unimportant, but to me it's not the most important thing. The desired outcome is ie. a healthy, live baby.

    It need not be mutually exclusive though. Caring about and for both mother and child is surely the most beneficial for all concerned.

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    Default Re: Why is the baby more important than the mother?

    I think this is often said in reference to the gender and the possibility there may be issues with the newborn. Meaning who cares if it is a boy or girl, as long as the baby is born healthy and not sleeping or suffers an injury or is oxygen deprived etc.. So many things can go wrong and all anyone really wants is for the desired outcome to be a happy healthy baby and an equally happy and healthy mum.

    I think people also say this assuming the mother will be ok.

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    You need to compare apples with apples. I would say that if we are talking about death, then the mother is more important until the baby is born.
    But if we compare a dead baby to a physically or emotionally damaged mother, then I feel that saving a life is more important.
    Just my opinion

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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I REALLY hate when this is said to a mother who has experienced birth trauma!!

    I know a healthy baby is important however I find this comment can be very damaging to a mother with issues from birth trauma... I especially don't like it when someone has recieved ****ty care at the hand of a care provider and basically told to 'get over it' because at the end of the day atleast she has a healthy baby... Its not all that matters..

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    Default Re: Why is the baby more important than the mother?

    i think people often don't know how to handle intense negative emotions - I know I don't! I have said some monumentally dumb things to people grieving or suffering.

    I think its the same reason people who lose everything in a fire are told "you should be grateful you survived!" or if someone loses a second baby in pregnancy "at least you have one child" it's I think more to do with the person saying it being uncomfortable with what the other person.

    Or with birth trauma/wanting a positive outcome for both mother and child, I think having not experienced it themselves maybe not understanding that you can have a healthy baby but be mentally, emotionally and physically scarred.

    Also I think people might be confused about what a mother is talking about when wanting a "positive experienced". Katelyns labour was an epic 64 hours, had contractions 2-3 minutes apart for a relentless 7 hours, and my goodness she had a big head. It was longer, harder, more painful than anything I could imagine and even now I can't imagine it but my "experience" of it was amazing. Powerful. Like the olympics of child birth. Lol. Because I was treated with respect. Jaspers birth was not that painful but I was treated appallingly by the people I trusted in the most vulnerable moments of my life and saying how much that effected me doesn't take away from my gratitude that my son was born healthy.

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    Default Why is the baby more important than the mother?

    My daughter got pretty stuck, they ended up having to pull her out by her arm (it took several people, they were calling in more people from the hall). She has one broken arm and brachial plexus palsy in the other (nerve damage that limits her movement of the right arm, with time it might heal, if not there is surgery to get some more movement back). If they hadn't done it she faced brain damage or death, so in my mind they made the right call. A few people (not the doctors or nurses, they were lovely and supportive) told me later at least I avoided a c section and I won't have to worry about healing that up. It made me pretty cranky because I would have so much preferred to be the one healing. Instead my little one has had such a rough start, and I really wish I had pushed for a c section. I guess I just wanted to say that I know my preference would have been to take the damage myself, and spare my daughter the pain and possibility of paralysis. She is healing well (fingers crossed her nerves are healing as well) and is a pretty happy baby so that's all that matters to me now

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