Would you be upset?

**MilkOnTap** · 02-11-2006 08:31

He is also in an open warfare situation and maybe just needs a break from responsibility? Not that you get a break...

One of the reasons why my hubby chose to join the navy is because he wanted to travel. Perhaps he feels that this is his one and only chance to see these beautiful places in the world?

Is there still absolutely no way that you could meet him there? Perhaps put it to him that if he stays then you meet him - but if you cant meet him then he has to come home... Would that work?

**SilverStarfish** · 02-11-2006 08:31

Originally Posted by sharvs

Who am I to stop him from doing what he wants to do?

Umm... only his WIFE!!! And mother of his child.

You are a lot more understanding and patient that I would be in your situation.

**sharvs** · 02-11-2006 08:46

Originally Posted by Faeml

You are a lot more understanding and patient that I would be in your situation.

I just dont see what good it will do, yelling & screaming at him. All its going to do is give him more of a reason not to come home. I've tried telling him how I feel & it hasnt worked so what are my options? Accept it or be bitter for the next 6 months.

Ally, I sent him an email earlier asking why he hasnt asked me to come & meet him. I dont know what his response will be, but I really think he just wants to go away with his mates & play up.

I think you are right, he wants a break from responsibility - not to come home to a crying baby that needs him - but its not all about him anymore, thats the part he fails to understand.

**MilkOnTap** · 02-11-2006 08:51

What kind of relationship do you have with his parents? I dont want to push the boundaries TOO far; but would a sob to his folks and then THEM telling him to get home to his family over Christmas...

Maybe that is using a bit too much emotional blackmail though - and I understand that you dont really want him around if his heart isn't in it in the first place.

**sharvs** · 02-11-2006 09:10

I get on really well with his dad (he doesnt know his mother). I spoke to his dad about it the other night & he agrees that he should be here with us. The problem is, a couple of years ago DF & I were having some problems. I went to FIL for help, and he spoke to DF. DF & his dad had a huge fight over it & didnt speak to each other for a year. They have only recently mended things, I dont want to be the one to come between it. In saying all of that, my FIL said he will speak to DF about it next time he rings & tell him he really should be home with his family. I dont know if it will do any good, but its worth a shot.

I cant threaten to leave him... He is in a bad place, dealing with stuff most of us can never imagine. I think it would be incredibly selfish of me to tell him I wont be here when he gets back, even though thats exactly what he is being, selfish. A deployment is so emotional for both parties, I cant make such a decision when our lives are so up & down at the moment.

**M O P** · 02-11-2006 09:15

Oh Sharon, I've been thinking of you over the past few days, without posting.

I really hope he comes home, for everyone's sake.
It must be so hard, I can't begin to imagine, not being able to sit down properly and discuss things.

it all turns out well!

**SilverStarfish** · 02-11-2006 09:20

Originally Posted by sharvs

I just dont see what good it will do, yelling & screaming at him. All its going to do is give him more of a reason not to come home.

I guess you are right. If he's made up his mind, then he's made up his mind.

It's horrible of me, but a tiny tiny part of me hopes he gets a huge attack of the guilts when he comes back to see photos of you and your baby having Christmas without him and he realises the very special time that he chose not to be a part of.

**littleboyblue** · 02-11-2006 10:08

"If you choose Europe with your mates over Christmas at home with your family then when deployment is finished don't bother coming home because we won't be around to welcome you" (Forgot to hit the quote button when replied)

Although I would be very angry and upset that my husband would not be coming home to me this is not the thing to say to him not while he is in a war zone and so many emotions going through his head.

**MilkOnTap** · 02-11-2006 10:43

Ohh - I can certainly understand the FIL situation. It sounds to me as though you are thinking very rationally through all of this - you are certainly the most unselfish person I know!

Well - whatever ends up happening please know that I am here to chat with, lean on or just cry on over the next few months

**sharvs** · 02-11-2006 10:45

Originally Posted by Pink Lady

It sounds to me as though you are thinking very rationally through all of this - you are certainly the most unselfish person I know!

:

Thanks Ally - I'm trying. DF had the nerve to tell ME I had to be more flexible! Hello? I've been nothing but flexible our entire relationship... grrr