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  1. #1
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    Default Want to run and hide!

    Ughhhhh....I log on to fb n there's 3 births & 2 pregnancies. I go to get lunch n have people casually mention at least 5 pregnancies-all around the same time mine was conceived plus I have one close friend that we were 6 days apart in due dates as well as a 16 yr old cousin heavily pregnant who I am due to see at a party very soon.
    I stopped logging on to fb n quit the office chit chat, I endure my friends texts laced with sympathy, awkwardness n hesitation n am still undecided about the party. So my only solace is being home or at work. Logging into my email n lo n behold a work acquaintance has announced she's on maternity leave n wishes me well in future....
    I can't take it anymore, I have tried to be diplomatic, stoic, meek but present to wish everyone well n deny the pink elephant! I need to get this out-F$&@ U ALL! F$&@ THIS ****TY LIFE N F$&@ THE STUPID UNRELENTING FACT THAT I COULDN'T DO WHAT U HAVE ALL DONE. SERIOUSLY F$&@ THE LOT OF U!!!!
    I wish I could scream n just run n never come back but then people would think I was mad so I will sit n suffer in silence while I try to be happy for u meanwhile I'm dying inside...

  2. #2
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    huge hugs

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    Chillies  (18-10-2012)

  4. #3
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    Default Want to run and hide!

    Hugs. It's so hard. But just remind yourself your time will come

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    Chillies  (18-10-2012)

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    Default Want to run and hide!

    Hugs

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    Chillies  (18-10-2012)

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    yep. I understand totally. its all around me too. I dont wish others unwell but by god I wish it was me in their position instead of grieving what should have been.

    Hang it there, it does get easier.

    All the very best.

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    Chillies  (18-10-2012)

  10. #6
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    Default Want to run and hide!

    It's the worst feeling trying to remain calm on the outside-meanwhile ur going krazy inside just wishing the ground would open up n swallow me whole!!! N I just feel like no one IRL knows truly how I feel. The other part I hate is that people get so awkward which makes me think more of the loss n then that makes me feel horrid as well At the moment I know in my heart of hearts that it will happen (otherwise why would I bother?!) but WHEN?! Until then I'm held to ransom by ovulation, 2WW, ridiculous over study of CM, sore boobs, faint second lines n then AF...all the while these bellies r bumping their way into my life n I just hate that it's even come to work-where else can I hide? Or more so be myself? Not 'the one who lost her baby last month' I cried all the way home n still feel like sh!t. Thanks for your support guys, so needed n appreciated x

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    Chillies - I just wanted to send massive hugs your way. I could have written your post tonight, Im feeling exactly the same way. Its been over 12 months since my m/c and Im still not getting anywhere... people who were announcing their pregnancies back then now have gorgeous newborns and now Im watching friends who had babies well AFTER my DD1 announce pregnancies for #2 so they will have 2 babies before i get to have one.... Its hard and I hope the fertility gods smile on us soon. Good luck and you're not alone. Its not easy, so vent away and I hope you get your BFP soon

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    Chillies  (18-10-2012)

  13. #8
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    Default Want to run and hide!

    Thank u waiting This feeling is really new-or so I thought n then I realized every announcement/bump/birth-my 'cant take it anymore' level was quietly creeping up n that email was the last straw!!!!!
    I really hope they do too, if they don't within the next few months I'm done I think. Ill go back to my life the way it was before I started thinking about boobs, bubs then booties! FX

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    Completely know how you feel! Most recently, it's been my younger sister and my nephew (who is far too young, for goodness sake!) who've announced their pregnancies. (Well, his girlfriend's, obviously....)

    A couple of weekends ago after the latest announcement I ended up a sobbing mess on the counch. I told DH that I just couldn't handle the fact that every second woman around me was pregnant, and the rest all had kids already. His response? "Well, no, that's an exaggeration, blah, blah, blahdy blah blah blah." Duh - I don't want your stupid frikkin' logic and reason, I want to rant and rave and kick things!!!!!

    Unless you've been in this situation, you simply can't understand how it feels. And that's why people around us who are trying to be nice and trying to do the right thing by us, sometimes don't say or do the right thing. (Or are occasionally just plain insensitive and thoughtless!) Fortunately, there are plenty of us on here who do understand what you're going through. It sucks, and it hurts, and it feels good to occasionally just lose it and scream at the universe for being a stupid, pointless, unjust place.

    Hopefully, the one positive we can all draw from what is an otherwise crappy experience is that when it is finally our turn (sooner rather than later!), we can be a bit more sensitive to the feelings of other women around us who are going through the same thing.

    In the meantime, "Screw you, universe!"

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    Chillies  (24-10-2012)

  16. #10
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    Default Want to run and hide!

    Thanks Gentoo, that's exactly 100% how it feels!!!!! FX this cycle


 

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