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  1. #1
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    Default Mum expected to stay home with baby

    I had an uncomfortable conversation with my mum today and just feel bad about it now. Not really expecting any advice, just wanted to get it off my chest and out of my head...

    I work in a family business with my Parents. I'm expecting my first baby early next year and plan to be a SAHM. My DH is fine with this and this is a much wanted baby that we tried for years for, so you can imagine my excitement and enthusiasm.

    I've made it clear at work that when I leave at the end of the year I won't be coming back, I often get lumped with the jobs know one else wants or things other people don't get done. I've explained that I won't be on call to help out, my baby comes first, but I don't know if they're really listening and getting what I'm saying. I've offered to train someone else before I leave but I keep hearing "we'll manage" but then I worry they won't and will be relying on me.

    Anyway today at work Mum says to me "after your baby is born you can come in one day a week and I'll stay home with the baby", I just laughed it off and was like "I don't think so, that's not the plan" and hoped shed let it go but she didn't and said it like 4 more times about all the things she would get to do when she stayed home with the baby.

    I didn't want to be rude but that's not my plan. My mum and I have a strained relationship and although she did her best she wasn't the best mum to me and I have a lot of issues because of things that happened growing up. My philosophy of parenthood is basically do the opposite of my mum, so although she will be welcome in the child's life as a grandparent I have no intentions of letting her raise my child.

    So anyway I got annoyed and said in no uncertain terms that's not going to happen, I won't be leaving baby with her or anyone else, I'll be staying home and looking after baby myself. Then it was just awkward and she looked upset and now as usual I feel guilty but also frustrated. Ugh!! Anyway I feel a bit better just having written it down.

  2. #2
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    For what its worth it sounds like you handled it really well and did your best not to offend her. If she chooses to find anything upsetting about it then it's going to be up to her to work through it.

  3. #3
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    Hey sounds like you handled it as best you could. Sometimes when the topic is sensitive the best way to go about it is to be direct. You've stated where you stand and anything else isn't your problem. Congratulations too

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    Stay firm. To be honest if you didn't have such a great relationship with her maybe working for your parents isn't the best idea and this is a great opportunity to set up boundaries. I know I would survive about 5 minutes if I had to work with my mother.

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    Default Mum expected to stay home with baby

    Hopefully she will leave it alone now. If you wanted it to, it might work in 12 months if you go back to work, but I think it's rude of her to tell you that is what will be happening, when you already have 12 months leave planned!!! And not leave it alone when you said no the first time.

    This is your baby, not hers. She had her time with you and now this is YOUR time to spend with YOUR baby.

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    it sounds like she is a very excited grandmother to be...but, that doesn't mean that her wishes outweigh yours.

    I'd let her know you plan to be a full time SAHM but, you will of course ask her when you are ready to have bubs baby sat for an hour or so for a haircut/dinner with hubby etc (now, i am not saying when you are ready...but, let her know she will be welcome in babies life).

    My MIL, who i really don't like and hate the things she did to DH, is great with DD. I have not let her look after her, but do invite her over to play with DD so i can get some housework and stuff done. So, I am there...but she is "looking after" DD. Many years have passes since she mistreated my DH and, I think the more people loving DD the better.

    Think outside the box for ways to include her...but, set your boundaries and be prepared to defend them.

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    Default Re: Mum expected to stay home with baby

    Why dont you see if your mum would like to come over one afternoon a week to spend with bubs? That way you will be there as well

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

  9. #8
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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    Just wait....Cross that bridge when you come to it. Your bub might a a clingy screaming bub that doesn't want to be put down. She may not be volunteering that quickly

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    Thanks for all the replies! I feel better about it all already. I've already told her she's welcome to spend time with the baby and have mentioned that we'll probably be happy to let them and the in laws baby sit for short periods of time at around 6 months so it's definitely not about shutting her out. I was more annoyed about just being told what was going to happen with MY child. I don't think so! and I had to have a giggle at the post about not being a good idea to work with her, trust me, you're not telling me anything I don't know, it just came about unexpectedly but I'll be happy to look for something not family related when bub is old enough.

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    I think you did the right thing, my mum did the same... she went as far as to say that she would move closer and I could go back to work full time and she'd look after DD... Errr not the plan! I think in the excitement of it all they forget they had their babies and now its our turn. It's ok to be firm, I had to tell my mum repeatedly that I was going to be a SAHM...
    Congrats on your bub!


 

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