And they go alright in coronas too.
I thought I’d start a thread because yesterday marked an anniversary of such. It was two years ago to the day that my perfect little life I thought I was living came crashing to a halt. I had no premonition nor inkling that this was to occur and I still find it hard to compute exactly how it all came to be. But one thing I know is that I will be eternally grateful for the lemons thrown my way – as I’m sipping on a pretty tasty glass of lemonade these days.
It has taken me this entire amount of time to visit a huge range of emotions, fall over a few more times, make bad decisions and choose more self destructive behaviour than I’d care to admit to get me to where I am today. I still have plenty of battle scars, some visible and some hidden, but here I am in my imperfect form still stepping one foot in front of the other and having a good dance most of the time while I’m at it.
I overcame something that had haunted me for some time. I had journaled my way through the majority of my healing, written thoughts and feelings in their rawest form. I admitted emotions on paper that I wouldn’t dare let escape my mouth and I put it all away from view, even to myself. I had never had the strength to revisit that wounded, fragile person who was dealing with not only the loss of her marriage, but the impending birth of her second child, alone. Yesterday I took myself back there. I read through the pages I’d etched so heavily into with emotion that I almost felt like I was reading the story of a stranger.
I had an overwhelming sense of sorrow and empathy for this lost woman and dare I say it, a touch of pity as well. She had no idea in the midst of her sadness she would one day hold her head up and walk on her own two feet. She would be thankful for all that she has and for the person she could muster from within who would be one brimming with strength and self preservation. She would smile again one day because she genuinely felt happy and not because she thought it was what others were needing to see.
Reading through this past head space touched me in a way I hadn’t expected. I can’t remember feeling the way I wrote, but as much of the early days are foggy, I could detach myself from the words. And what was left was me feeling like I wish I could give this mother a hug. I wanted to be there for her, to hold her, comfort her and be some kind of comrade to her throughout her confused and helpless state.
I’m always blown away by the clarity of hindsight. This is one of those moments in my life where I had the crystal ball firmly in my hands, as I’d lived it and knew it would all be ok. I’m not sure there’s a real point to this thread.
I guess I’m just feeling a little moved and I wanted to put it out there to all of you who are battling something within, or who are going through a challenging moment in your life, who see no light at the end of the tunnel or who feel like life is unfair and that they have been dealt a hand they hadn’t expected – just know that you are much stronger than you think, and someday hopefully soon you’ll be able to see it too!