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  1. #1
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    Default Feel like people are judging me for eating "safely" during pregnancy

    My sister has had 2 kids and ate cold meats, soft cheese, and basically whatever she wanted whilst pregnant and I didn't judge her for it (she also smoked through both pregnancies but we won't go there).

    Yesterday I joked to my dad that I'd love him to bring me some chicken & avocado sushi when he comes to the hospital after bub is born, and my brother asked why, and I explained the listeria risk in cold chicken and also the bacteria risk in cold rice. I explained that listeria is rare, but if the pregnant mum contracts it, there's a very high chance of death to the unborn baby. I'm not incredibly strict, ie I'm still eating takeaway foods including subway but I'm steering clear of all the major no No's. my sister then said "we'll I ate all of the foods you're not allowed to eat while I was pregnant and they're both fine" and I said "yeah I know, it's rare but I'd just rather not risk it" to which she got a smug smile on her face.

    Now we're at MIL and FIL's house for dinner and I almost died when I saw MIL pull a whole, cookec chicken out of the fridge, cut it all up then put it back in the fridge... I don't want to look ungrateful but I also don't want to risk our baby's health. She's already been judgmental about our choice to keep the pregnancy quiet until 8 weeks for extended family and 12 weeks for everyone else ("you're not going to be one of those ones who won't tell people for ages are you?" When we told them I was pregnant at just 4 weeks!) so I just don't want her *****ing about me behind my back if I decide not to have any of the chicken! I'm sure she'd have a similar attitude to my sister in that 25 and 21 years ago when she had her kids, they ate what they wanted.

    sorry, just had to have a big vent lol. I know I'll get judged and hear plenty of unwanted opinions once bub arrives about how we try to raise her, but I wish I could just be pregnant the way I want to be! It's not as if I'm doing anything bad, I'm trying to keep bub as safe as possible but everyone has an opinion!

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    I think the problem with saying that older generations ate anything and they were fine, is think of all the extra crap in/on food these days. Food was fresher, cleaner and healthier. Now we have supermarkets freezing fruits and veggies and god knows what else for months on end and defrosting it for sale. Times have definitely changed.

    Anywho, just eat what you feel comfortable eating. When I was pregnant with DS I ate cold meat and soft serve and drank about 3 cups of coffee a day and smoked (I agree, lets not go there) and he turned out fine........doesnt mean I would do the same if I were pregnant now. Just stick to your convictions, keep reminding your family "Id just rather not risk it" and thank them for the offer of whatever they produce. Hope everything goes well and congratulations

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    D'you know I hate it when people say thinks like " I ate soft cheese, ham, sushi etc when I was pregnant and my kids are fine" that's because you were lucky and the sushi etc didn't happen to contain listeria, that doesn't mean that it's ok for someone else to risk it as they might not be so lucky. Stick to your guns and ignore them. I didn't find out I was pregnant until 19 weeks, up until that point I'd been drinking a fair few every weekend, my DS is fine. BUT there's NO WAY I'd say to anyone that's its ok to drink during pregnancy, same goes with the "no no" foods.

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    I think you'll find that the women who react like this are secretly feeling guilty what they did or didn't do while they were pregnant. They're probably worried that you will judge them so they act all superior and knowing with you to try to counteract that.

    It's a hassle and I've had the eye rolls and everything. I just figure that whatever 'forbidden' food is being put in front of me is just not worth the risk. After all, it's only food and food does not mean enough to me for that.

    On your other point, about telling the family, completely hear you on that. We told parents at four weeks, but no one else, not even siblings, until 12 weeks. My SIL went mental and acted all hard done by because she felt like she had the 'right' to know at the beginning. Honestly, people like that can bite me. She had virtually no reaction at all to our news, until she found out we were 12 weeks and then she made it about her. 20% of babies being carried by a 30 year old woman miscarry. For women over 40, it's 50%. You do whatever you and the father feel most comfortable with.

    As someone told me on one of my posts, this is only the beginning of the judgments as we go through the rest of our lives making sure we do what's best for our family. Might as well get used to it! I'm still learning though...

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    This is only the beginning of judgements so don't worry! I also got the same comments as you regarding safe eating. Heat up the cold chicken in the microwave to steaming hot and you will be fine also you tell people you are pregnant when YOU are ready to! Ignore unsupportive people

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    To be honest, I can't understand eating subway but not eating chicken that you know has been properly cooked and stored since it was cooled.... But that's just me! I was one of those who still ate ham during pregnancy and had an occasional wine. Plenty of people "agreed" with me and plenty of people I am sure did not! You just need to be 100% comfortable with your decision for you and baby. There is no point in eating anything if its going to make you anxious!

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    Your baby, your body, your choice.

    Screw what anyone else thinks! You do what YOU want!
    At the end of your pregnancy when your bub is born, no one will remember you not eating the cold chicken.... but god forbid if something did happen, well that stays with you for life.

    You eat/not eat what you like hun!!!


    EF x

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    Like Sarelou said, it's only just the start of the judging and the little comments. I was very careful about what I ate, my Mum commented that they didn't know anything about listeria 27 years ago, but that was it. However I am now getting a few comments about some of our parenting decisions and I'm sure they'll continue. What you said to your SIL was perfect, try not to stress and keep doing what you feel is right for you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    To be honest, I can't understand eating subway but not eating chicken that you know has been properly cooked and stored since it was cooled.... But that's just me! I was one of those who still ate ham during pregnancy and had an occasional wine. Plenty of people "agreed" with me and plenty of people I am sure did not! You just need to be 100% comfortable with your decision for you and baby. There is no point in eating anything if its going to make you anxious!
    I get my chicken heated up at Subway, and the chicken for dinner was a Woolies one so not sure about the handling and storage prior to MIL purchasing it... But it was all ok anyway as MIL put the whole dish of chicken in the oven to heat up and it was nice and hot when we ate it

    I guess the choice to eat "high risk" foods is the same as whether to feed the child organic vs non-organic, vaccinate or not vaccinate, and all of those other important decisions which parents need to make and feel comfortable with... Thanks for your support ladies

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    I am similar to you, my DH is even worse when it comes to what i should eat or not. Better safe than sorry i reckon. I didnt even eat subway because of deli meat and salad.
    I have been so careful and i still got stomach bug twice! Both times i thought might be listeria! And i felt so worried and guilty thinking it must have been the chinese takeaway or kfc or fish n chips!
    People can judge all they want. One of my friends openly critisizes me about being too careful of what i eat and i just brush it off


 

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