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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    it is up to the pead to make the assessment now...the step mum is not required. The pead will assess the child and support the parents through what is needed.

    The mum and the dad are on the case...if we go by who "spotted" the problem...does that mean a child care worker or teacher gets to out rank a parent if they raised the problem first?

    Why aren't people equally disdainful towards the child's father, he didn't notice the problems either? Perhaps OP thinks her DH is a bit of an idiot too? No? Just the bio mum is getting given the hard time, of course, because we can vilify her...but why? She has 50/50 care, she refused the bribe to get out of her children's life, she has shown up to appointments and taken charge (as a mother should)...sounds like a pretty good mum to me.

    This is not about the OP's claim of ownership over the diagnosis or process...although I do notice she has come back and ONLY liked people who agree with her and not given any further input. This is not about the OP's superiority complex over the bio mum or about discriminating against people who are not as smart as she thinks she is. This is about the child...and at this point, i would say the child's mother and father are the perfect people to support them through the diagnosis.

    Simple fact...this mum is doing all the right things by her child and the step mum needs to respect that.
    I agree with all of this! Why is it all the BM fault and the father is let off? They have 50/50 care, surely it is therefore between the parents?

    Perhaps if the SM showed a little more respect towards the BM she would be welcome to come, but personally if someone spoke like that about me on a public forum, I'd hate to what else they say and would not welcome they to any important appointments for that simple fact!

    As for the $10,000, would love to know who offered it in the first place and what it has to do with anything when she didn't take it???

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  3. #32
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    Firstly- this is now a long thread and I can't multi-quote on my phone.

    I have popped in briefly to read but as yet hadn't had time to reply (hence only 'thanking people who agreed')
    I thanked those people as they articulated my point of view better, and I was unable to do that at the time.

    Someone said I only know BM as BM so i don't have any opinion on her as a person. This is not true, I have actually known BM longer than I have known my husband- I know exactly what sort of person she is & I can tell u she isn't very nice, as a person, as a parent and as a co-parent.

    Yes my husband offered her money to go away- she asked him to double it and while he tried to pull those funds together a wealthy family member of hers died so she got an inheritance so no longer needed the money.

    Yes I do think this person is below me on a person to person level. I do not speak to her or her son about my true feelings about her- I have simply vented those on a public forum because we are all step parents here, and I needed to get it out with those I had thought would understand the frustrations that come with raising someone else's child.

    My husband did want me at the appointment- and whilst I was angry that he appeared to not do anything to defend me, he did make a further appointment with the pead. for him,the child and myself. BM knows about this.
    Pead. Actually Aaked the BM to leave the initial interview as she had no valuable input and instead of saying things to help her child she was talking in circles contradicting herself to make herself look better.

    No she is not a good mum- a good mum in my eyes has dinner on the table before 8:30 on school nights, a good mum puts her kids to bed before 10pm on school nights.
    A good mum takes a sick child to the doctor and treats his head lice- she does not do this stuff (so its a vicious cycle that continues everytime he goes back to her house)
    We have picked him up with infestations, whooping cough, black eyes, chest infections, bruised and cut. Yes it's part of growing up- but when it is every fortnight that the child is ill, it paints a rather clear picture.

    I could write a novel about her lack of parenting skills, but apparently she being the BM must be a good mum.


    I am angry that I wasn't at the initial appointment as I do think that anyone who is raising the child should attend.
    My husband assumes the late night text saying I couldnot come was a reaction to her current partner not wanting to come.

    Yes I did mention that my husband has issues getting out what needs to be said in a clear manner- so whoever asked me if I think he is stupid- no- I don't, but I know him and know as above he has problems speaking especially when its important.

    Do I think that being the one who "found" the issues with the child gives me a right? No I feel that being his step mother and being a very very active person in his life and rasing him gives me right.
    I spend more time with him than his mother (due to leaving him in before and after school care- for np reason) and father (due to work) so I would love to be apart of it.

    I have no idea if I have covered all the questions or not- if I haven't, please ask again and I will try my best to find more time to reply.

  4. #33
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    It sounds like the mother has had a very tough life...and, you need to remember...your husband chose to make a baby with her. Attempting to bribe someone to leave a child...is horrible, i am really glad that she said no.

    My son has had most of those issues (especially the bumps and bruises) and my niece has recurrent nits (much to my sisters horror) and we are both excellent mothers. Whooping cough...well, that is just who you socialise with and parents can not be help to blame for a child getting a cough or cold ffs It sounds like you believe yourself to be perfect and her to be scum...i feel sorry for her.

    I am sure you and your DH have a great time running her down behind her back and I am sure both her and your step daughter know exactly how you feel about her.

    Sounds like separate appointments (with her consent) is the right way to go. AS a step parent, even an involved one, you have no rights to force your way in to doctors appointments.

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  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    It sounds like the mother has had a very tough life...and, you need to remember...your husband chose to make a baby with her. Attempting to bribe someone to leave a child...is horrible, i am really glad that she said no.

    My son has had most of those issues (especially the bumps and bruises) and my niece has recurrent nits (much to my sisters horror) and we are both excellent mothers. Whooping cough...well, that is just who you socialise with and parents can not be help to blame for a child getting a cough or cold ffs It sounds like you believe yourself to be perfect and her to be scum...i feel sorry for her.

    I am sure you and your DH have a great time running her down behind her back and I am sure both her and your step daughter know exactly how you feel about her.

    Sounds like separate appointments (with her consent) is the right way to go. AS a step parent, even an involved one, you have no rights to force your way in to doctors appointments.

    Step son. Not step daughter.

    And matter of fact- my husband was tricked into having a child with her-
    Hence

  7. #35
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    I feel for you, i really do.
    Hope it gets sorted soon, maybe you could wait outside the room while they have the appointment and discuss things together when they come out?

    I know I would still go to the appointment with my dp, if BM wanted me to stay out then i would. But she doesn't have any control of the hallways

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    Quote Originally Posted by mystical mumma View Post
    And matter of fact- my husband was tricked into having a child with her-
    Unless your husband was raped it might be best to stop making excuses for him. View your hubby through the same glasses through which you view bio mum.

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  10. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Unless your husband was raped it might be best to stop making excuses for him. View your hubby through the same glasses through which you view bio mum.
    I think this is the first time I have ever agreed with Vicpark.

  11. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Unless your husband was raped it might be best to stop making excuses for him. View your hubby through the same glasses through which you view bio mum.

    As with my original post- I said I have been FIGHTING with my husband for two years- believe me I do not view him with rose coloured glasses- I view him in this situation as a parent in denial- I have that same view with BM also, she just comes with other views aswell.


    She was "pregnant" for 11 months- its not rape- but it sure was some trickery. It's not my assumption, nor my husbands, but actual fact.
    They were casual, she wanted more, he didnt, she said she was pregnant and went as far as using someone else's positive test. So being "pregnant" he stopped using protection and she fell pregnant.

    This she has admitted to.

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    Lol...trickery? What, he accidentally ejaculated inside her? He could have used a condom. Clearly he left ALL responsibility for contraception to the woman...and took absolutely NONE upon himself. There's no such thing as trickery. This man needs to step up to support the child he made, in conjunction with the child's mother. You have no rights at all. You could be anyone. Sorry to be harsh, but that's the way it is. My ex's partner believes all the same stuff about me, and nothing could be further from the truth. As they say, love is blind.

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    Default What rights do I have?

    Op I hope it went well as the date was some time ago now

    Quote Originally Posted by MermaidSister View Post
    Lol...trickery? What, he accidentally ejaculated inside her? He could have used a condom. Clearly he left ALL responsibility for contraception to the woman...and took absolutely NONE upon himself. There's no such thing as trickery. This man needs to step up to support the child he made, in conjunction with the child's mother. You have no rights at all. You could be anyone. Sorry to be harsh, but that's the way it is. My ex's partner believes all the same stuff about me, and nothing could be further from the truth. As they say, love is blind.
    In the post just above yours op advised BM claimed she was "accidentally" pregnant so DH stopped using condoms as you do ( even though she wasnt hence getting pregnant down the track and op comment about an 11month pregnancy)
    If you are in a relationship you only use birth control to prevent, once pregnant there really is no point.


 

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