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  1. #11
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    I agree with everyone else, especially riversong (cool name BTW )

    Look, for starters, you only know what people have told you about BM...I'm sure my children's stepmum would have heard all sorts of things about me...all one sided...and probably doesn't think all that much of me either! She's probably smarter than me too! And if she pointed something out about my children, I'd be grateful but that by no means gives her ANY RIGHT...to follow up on or to be a part of any treatment my child needed.

    My husband is my children's stepdad...and although I expect him to support me on any decisions I make in regards to the children, I understand that he doesn't have any rights either and I would expect that my ex would be very put out if I tried to include him in important doctor's appointments and things. So it goes both ways.

    It's clear you don't like her...I'm sure she knows that...and I were her I wouldn't want you a part of this either and she has every right to feel that way..she is, after all the child's mother!

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    River Song  (15-10-2012)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    and I think you summed up why she doesn't want you there...

    it is HER child, not yours. You talk of her with total disrespect and distain and clearly don't like her. You think of her as below you and felt the need to point out that she has kids to different dads (how is this relevant??).

    Imagine if you and your DH split up and his new wife was trying to attend medical appointments of your child...you would not have it at all.

    Your Dh prob agrees with her...which is why he is not saying he disagrees.

    If my ex and I were attending an appointment for DS...i would not take DH and he would not take his wife...some things fall to bio parents. Bio parent and step parent are different (even in my case where DS calls DH daddy and only sees ex 1 night a f/n).

    It's not about you.

    Not all situations are like that though, I am stepparent and i organise and take my stepkids to speech therapy, dentists, doctors, go to parent teach interviews etc etc. Because their Bio mum just doesn't do any of it.

    If the Bio mum wanted to organise and take them then i would be MORE than happy for her to do that but she just doesn't and I am not going to neglect the kids by ignoring the fact they need medical/dental help.

    OP - Take it as a good sign that the Bio mum is interested in taking him to his appointments now, less work and stress for you and she is doing her job and that can only be a good thing.

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    mousky  (14-10-2012)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Dragon View Post
    Not all situations are like that though, I am stepparent and i organise and take my stepkids to speech therapy, dentists, doctors, go to parent teach interviews etc etc. Because their Bio mum just doesn't do any of it.

    If the Bio mum wanted to organise and take them then i would be MORE than happy for her to do that but she just doesn't and I am not going to neglect the kids by ignoring the fact they need medical/dental help.

    OP - Take it as a good sign that the Bio mum is interested in taking him to his appointments now, less work and stress for you and she is doing her job and that can only be a good thing.

    but the mum in this case IS involved.

    Absolutely, if the bio mum was not doing anything or taking action or going to appointments it would be great for the step mum to support the dad in getting it done.

    BUT...the bio mum is on the scene and is going to the appointments so, in this case, the OP is overstepping and the bio mum's request is very reasonable.

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    Blue Dragon  (27-01-2013),Deserama  (14-10-2012)

  7. #14
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    If DD1's step mother tried to attend medical appointments etc id let her know she'd welcome as far as the waiting room and thats it.

  8. #15
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    I have to agree with the majority here, legally you have no rights at all to that child, yes you are connected through marriage to his father but that's it, if you where to break up with his dad you would have no rights, so same goes to medical issues. Leave it up to his parents.

    My DD has to attend numerous specialist medical appointments and I can tell you right now the only people welcome are her father or grandmothers and that is simply to have an extra set of ears there and allow her dad and I to make an informed decision regarding her health, I don't have to deal with a ex having a new partner but I can tell you right now she would have absolutely no say nor be welcomed at an appointment so important to my child's health, ESPECIALLY if she thought so little of me as you seem too.

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    MermaidSister  (27-01-2013)

  10. #16
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    Oh wow Im suprised some many say OP shouldnt go if the BM doesnt want her there. If that was our situation and the kids dad didnt want their step dad involved I would tell him to jump because the step dad has just as much right to be there and talk about whats going on.

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    mystical mumma  (15-10-2012)

  12. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cleigh View Post
    Oh wow Im suprised some many say OP shouldnt go if the BM doesnt want her there. If that was our situation and the kids dad didnt want their step dad involved I would tell him to jump because the step dad has just as much right to be there and talk about whats going on.
    See that's the thing, legally, he does not. Step parents have zero legal rights to their step kids. None. Not "just as much right to be there" at all.
    So if the bio mum says no to step mum attending a medical appointment then legally the step parent can't attend. It's that simple. Her reasons, what type of mum she is etc do not matter.

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    Deserama  (15-10-2012),MermaidSister  (27-01-2013)

  14. #18
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    Sorry OP, I agree if BM doesn't want you there you have to respect that, although it sux because I'm sure if neither of his birth parents could take him to an appt, the responsibility would fall on you and you'd be considered difficult if you refused to take him. Hope the situation gets better.

  15. #19
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    You know, you could always have a chat to BM and explain that although you respect her decision (you don't...but you could always lie) you do hope that she changes her mind as it would be very beneficial to the child if you be involved as you would be one of his carers as well, and it would be important for you to attend etc. Explain the same thing to your husband too. But at the end of the day, you don't have the right...and if they do decide to include you then that would be bonus and would really benefit the child.

  16. #20
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    Ok I've just read this back to my husband and he's pointed out something that I've always known and it is legal....that my ex doesn't have a direct say as to what happens while the children are in our care, and we don't have a direct say as to what happens when the children are in his care. That' actually legal. Means that while my children are in his care, if he wants to take them to dreamworld everyday and I didn't like it....tough luck! Vice versa.

    So...

    You can get around it if the child's appts fall while he's in your care...maybe.

    Also he's pointed out that if the roles were reversed and my ex voiced his objection about my husband being involved in my children's medical appts that he would hope that I would at least try and reason with my ex. He understands that at the end of the day he has no rights but would like to think that I'd at least make an effort to try and change ex's mind.

    So my husband can kinda see your side, being as how he's a step parent. He also said that my first post was a bit harsh and I shouldn't have been so b!tchy...so I apologise for that.


 

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