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  1. #11
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    Have a read of some of the problems faced by women on this forum (pregnant and partners leave them, single mums with ex's being di@ks, step parent problems etc).
    Last edited by VicPark; 14-10-2012 at 07:06.

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    Atropos  (14-10-2012)

  3. #12
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    No I definitely wouldn't do it, based on my own experience of having divorced parents from an early age, and also on how much I rely on DH now we have our DS (but understand everyone is different).

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    Nope. I was desperate for another baby when I broke up with DD's dad. And I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that only having one child was an absolute blessing, and I am thankful every single day that I didn't have another one.

    Being a single parent is soooo much harder than you can ever think or imagine. I am an independent, strong, accomplished, successful person and being a single parent has nearly brought me down so many times. DD is a delight and has come through relatively unscathed, but I know that wouldn't be the case if there were more children involved.

  5. #14
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renesme View Post
    No. Bringing a baby into this world is a serious matter.. and a baby should not e brought into this world with seperated parents if the matter can be helped. If you really want another baby and you know the relationship isn't going to last then end the relationship and get a spem donor.
    Isn't that sort of what she is doing?

    I agree with Waterlily and BorntoBe

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    Sarelou  (14-10-2012)

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    Definitely not - I'm 18wks pregnant and DH has just left me and 13mth old DS. It's already very tough, I'm struggling to imagine. What it's going to be like when bubs arrives too.

    Will I make it work? Definitely. Is it ideal for the children though? Absolutely not. Like Bhbh said, I already dread the day my children ask what happened. I have to somehow explain why their Dad left before one of them was even born. I also come from a divorced family used and it was very tough for several years -still is at functions.

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    No, I wouldn't do it, for many of the reasons people have already stated.

    I think Waterlily gave some good advice about seeking counselling too.

    You mention that your problems are 'nothing serious', but that you agree the relationship won't last. That sounds pretty major to me, although I understand if you mean that it's an amicable separation rather than either party doing anything specific to cause it.

    You also said you want to try for the other sex. What if that doesn't happen? What if you have a third child of the same sex? It seems like a big gamble to take (raising the children as a single parent amidst a relationship breakdown) to get one of the other sex, when there are no guarantees there.

    What if either of you meets a new partner? Often breakups start out amicable but end up less so when one person gets a new partner.

  9. #17
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    No way would i have a child in a relationship that i didnt think would last.
    Things may be amicable now but what happens when you break up? I think counselling is definitely in order to get your head in the right space and to talk about what happens if you break up. You need to think about finances, what happens if things go bad, what if you dont get the sex you desire, how will the other children cope with parents splitting up plus a new baby that requires most of your attention.
    Good luck with what ever you decide.

  10. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renesme View Post
    No. Bringing a baby into this world is a serious matter.. and a baby should not e brought into this world with seperated parents if the matter can be helped. If you really want another baby and you know the relationship isn't going to last then end the relationship and get a spem donor.
    I disagree with this. I have two kids to two different fathers, but if I was personally in the OP's situation I'd do it so that my kids could have the same father. Now when DS goes to his Dad's house, my DD is left here alone with me and I think she misses him. As much as I love both my kids very much and don't regret keeping DD (totally unplanned, wasn't even in a relationship with FOB, he's a friend of my BIL), it is so much more complicated having two different fathers. DS goes to exH's house every weekend and after about 24 months DD will probably stay with FOB and his DW every other weekend. It's a very messy situation!

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    I would!

    I broke up with DDs dad when she was 15 months old, a few years ago I decided if I was single at 30 I would try for another using a donor, when I brought this up with ex he offered to be the donor so that the sibling would be a full blooded one for DD.

    I think if you both want the third child then definitely.

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    It seems you really yearn for that third baby and one of a particular gender. However, given that you are not in a very good place right now (emotionally?) I think it could be tough... Children are born into this world in lots of different ways and not always into houses that have 2 parents, so I don't see this as the critical issue, as long as people can be mature about the responsibilities they share concerning the welfare of their children and each other as parents. However, I feel you really need to consider your emotional wellbeing and that of the children you already have before considering bringing another child into the situation. It would be brilliant if you were lucky enough to get your desired gender, but what if this didn't happen? It is a really tough situation. I feel for you.


 

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