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  1. #1
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    Default Issues with DP but want another baby.

    Hi,

    This may be a controversial topic. Please be kind Im not in a very good space right now.

    DP and I are having problems lately, nothing major. We both want another child though (we have two of one gender and want to try for the other gender).

    We both dont see the relationship lasting very long, but we still want to try for baby #3. So would you try for a much loved and wanted baby, but both know and accept that your relationship wont last?

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    I wouldn't do that personally. I would hate to be alone and pg with 2 other kids. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of women do it successfully, but if I knew the relationship wouldn't last before I got pg, nope I wouldn't deliberately conceive.

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    Cant say without being in that position but Id like to think I wouldnt do that.

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    I think I would actually. My relationship with DH has had it's highs and lows but we both really want a sibling for DD now, don't get me wrong we are working through our issues but I honestly think I would still go ahead with another if I thought our relationship was coming to an end.

    12 months ago I would have said no way but life changes.

    Have you considered couples counselling?

    You need to ask yourself some questions

    Can you cope along with 2 kids and a baby if your DH doesn't help or support in anyway? (Yes he may be good now but that could change, especially if either or you re-partner)

    Can you afford 3 kids when single?

    Will you have help, emotional and financial?

    Why do you think it CAN work? Why do you think it CAN'T work? Write a list, sometimes having it down in writing can put things into prospective.

    Good luck.

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    Sorry but I think that would be really irresponsible. I cant even get my head around why youd contemplate it, sorry! It's unfair on the potential child and on the rest of you- how will your other kids cope if you are separating while your time is taken up with a baby? It seems extremely selfish and impractical IMO. I think you'd be better off working on your relationship tbh. There is the old attitude that a baby will save the relationship and I can't tell you how often that has failed- I've seen it several times! If your relationship is in trouble a baby will add to that stress. I don't see why you would willingly do this to yourself and your kids. Single parenting is hard enough without adding a baby to the equation. Sorry if I seem harsh, I've been a single mum, you have no idea how you or your DH may change post seperation, there are so many factors to account for. There's no way I'd consider this. All the best.

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Atropos For This Useful Post:

    bokkie_wotwot  (16-10-2012),Sariele  (14-10-2012),VicPark  (14-10-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    I think I would actually. My relationship with DH has had it's highs and lows but we both really want a sibling for DD now, don't get me wrong we are working through our issues but I honestly think I would still go ahead with another if I thought our relationship was coming to an end.

    12 months ago I would have said no way but life changes.

    Have you considered couples counselling?

    You need to ask yourself some questions

    Can you cope along with 2 kids and a baby if your DH doesn't help or support in anyway? (Yes he may be good now but that could change, especially if either or you re-partner)

    Can you afford 3 kids when single?

    Will you have help, emotional and financial?

    Why do you think it CAN work? Why do you think it CAN'T work? Write a list, sometimes having it down in writing can put things into prospective.

    Good luck.
    Everything stated above. I would emphasise the part about how you would cope financially/emotionally on your own if he withdrew his support. For example if you didn't produce the gender you were hoping for he may now view the new baby as a burden etc etc.

    I guess I also would be considering this from the new childs perspective. How will you answer the questions they might have when they are old enough to work out they were conceived at the end of the relationship? I ask this as I was 5.5 months pregnant with dd when my marriage broke up. I know one day she is going to ask me what happened.

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    Yes I probably would - however I would definitely be taking into consideration the issues water lily mentioned above. Best of luck x

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    Yes, I would have another baby in this situation. I understand how strong that drive is. If both you & your DP want another child it would seem you will both share parenting whether or not you are living together. You do not need a live in partner to have children. If you think the situation will work for you emotionally, financially then I don't see the problem, other than stigma and social norms and who cares about those?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Embarrassing View Post
    Hi,

    This may be a controversial topic. Please be kind Im not in a very good space right now.

    DP and I are having problems lately, nothing major. We both want another child though (we have two of one gender and want to try for the other gender).

    We both dont see the relationship lasting very long, but we still want to try for baby #3. So would you try for a much loved and wanted baby, but both know and accept that your relationship wont last?

    No. Bringing a baby into this world is a serious matter.. and a baby should not e brought into this world with seperated parents if the matter can be helped. If you really want another baby and you know the relationship isn't going to last then end the relationship and get a spem donor.

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    Yes, if I really wanted another child, and my partner did as well, I would, especially since it seems amicable. I would rather my children all have the same father, than get a sperm donor.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 14-10-2012 at 07:20.

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