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  1. #1
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    Default NB & 18mth old on my own - advice

    Some of you are aware from previous posts that sadly my DH has decided to leave unannounced, while I have a 13mth old and 18wks pregnant.

    I'm now going to be going through a birth and newborn stage on my own, with an 18mth toddler too. Both my sisters are also pregnant so I won't have a lot of hands on help around.

    I'd like as much advice as possible from single mums, or even FIFO family mums (also on your own a lot!) on tips to help me cope. I'm especially worried about those first few weeks when bub will be attached to my boob 24/7. I'm worried about when both babies need me at same time, when the hell I have time to have a shower and eat, etc etc

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    SpecialPatrolGroup's Avatar
    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Hi Pesca, I am not sure if I am qualified to respond but I have heard that some of the nanny colleges can place a student with you for a period of time if you have a very young child and a new born. Might be worth looking into.

    If you don't already have one, get a baby carrier or sling so that you can have the new bub close to you and maybe even feeding and still able to do things with and for your toddler.

    Freeze plenty of meals ahead of time so that you get to eat. Shower times you may just have to wait until your toddler is having a nap and pop you newbie in a rocker in the bathroom with you for a few minutes.

    I really hope everything goes well for you and do ask for help, you deserve it.

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    Pesca77  (13-10-2012)

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    Hi!
    Firstly hugs to you. It must be very difficult for you right now. I have been in a similar position but I was 20 weeks pregnant and my ds was 4. My dd is now 6 months and my ds has turned 5. I had no family around and rallied my support from friends. I would suggest you start tapping into services in your area. That is what they are for. A few things I did:

    -co slept. We all share the same bedroom and both dd and ds are in my bed but so is the bassinette. After FOB moved out my ds wanted to sleep with me so I let him. When dd came along it meant that I could get enough sleep even with night feeding. I returned to work with dd in arms 3 days after she was born so needed to get sleep.
    -showering. I would shower with ds and my newborn would be wheeled into the bathroom in her bassinette or if ds was clean I would shower with dd. She prefers showering and its easier for me (though I never could wash my hair when I had her with me).
    -babysling. I was given an ergo baby and I have used it constantly. I feed my baby in it when i'm walking around the shops or at work. You learn to adapt.
    -suitable pram.
    -pre buying/making of some freezable foods. I worked out that if I shop on a Wednesday or a Sunday I can get some heavily discounted items from my local Coles. Lasagnes, quiches etc were cut into pieces for my ds so he was always fed.
    -if you don't know your neighbours get to know them now. Most people are more than willing to help out even if it is to get you milk when they are out or bring your bins in. I didn't know one of my neighbours until 6 months ago- I would now count her as one of my closest friends.

    -don't be 'too proud', 'too stubborn', 'too self sufficient'. If you are like this now decide not to be. You need to let others help you when they offer.
    -know and believe that 'this is not forever, it's only tough for a short time'. 'You will and can get through this'.
    -think about who will support you in labour. I thought about my friends and acquaintences and chose someone who I didn't know particularly well but she had the experience of supporting 4 other labouring women. She was happy and excited to support me and she was the best choice.
    -consider hypnobirthing or even learn how to hypnobreathe. The techniques will help you stay calm now, will help during labour and will help you after labour to create a calm home environment for everyone.

    You will get through this and you may even be surprised that it is easier than you thought it would be. I would not trade my experience for the world. (I exclude the bit about having to deal with FOB). This experience has given me faith in who I am as a person as a mother and as a genuine human being. I would never have gained this if I was still with FOB.

    You will be fine
    Last edited by BbBbBh; 13-10-2012 at 21:09.

  5. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to BbBbBh For This Useful Post:

    acerbaby  (14-10-2012),Mokeybear  (14-10-2012),MonkeySeeMonkeyDo  (14-10-2012),Pesca77  (13-10-2012),PR2bMum  (13-10-2012),Purple Lily  (13-10-2012),singlemumma82  (13-10-2012),sweetsugardumplin'  (13-10-2012),VicPark  (13-10-2012)

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    I don't have any experience doing things by myself I just wanted to wish you luck. You seem like a wonderful mumma

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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Bbbbbh Has given you the advice I would of

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    wishing you all the best. you have had great advice. i am not sure what position you are in but an au pair might be a good idea? I think the rates are pretty resonable and some work in exhange for board and or a rate on top of that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by acerbaby View Post
    wishing you all the best. you have had great advice. i am not sure what position you are in but an au pair might be a good idea? I think the rates are pretty resonable and some work in exhange for board and or a rate on top of that.
    Thanks - but DH has left right when I'm about to go on mat leave with no income at all coming (fall pregnant too fast to qualify). It may be an idea once I return to work though.

    Bhbh - your advice was very detailed and fantastic, thank-you. I'm already exhausted now just with DS, doing everything on my own plus working, so want to be as prepared as possible for when bub arrives too. I'm worried I won't be able to be a good mum to both, but I guess I just have to do my best, it's all I can do.

    Thanks again.


 

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