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  1. #21
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    I don't really have any advice but I know I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye having read the messages and not mention it. I would be so so hurt and would not be able to move past it without bringing it up. Whether thats the *best* thing to do, I don't know, but to me it'd be like knowing he'd cheated on me and not talking to him about it.

    And as for him being tired and needing sleep, yes I'm sure he was very tired but the reality is, we ALL get tired, especially working and taking care of a baby (at the same time!) that doesn't sleep much, I'm sick and tired of men saying they are tired like we don't get tired too! Anyway, obviously I have my own issues in that department, but what I'm saying is don't feel bad for expecting more of a contribution from him, it should be a partnership, not everything your job and him being a 'helper' when it suits him.

    Hope you can sort this out and agree with PP to go with your gut.

  2. #22
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    You gave him a chance, he blew the cahnce. Cut your losses now... go back to your fam and say Yeah you're right, say I told you so, go on.

    And move past it, on with your life. Are you happy to walk on eggshells in your own house for ever just because you don't want your family saying 'I told you so"?

    I'd be cutting loose...

  3. #23
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Default Re: Read his phone - now gutted.

    I would be incredibly hurt and would find it very difficult to continue, but I think pp's have given you good advice there. I just wanted to point out that excessive tiredness, being unable to get out of bed, mood swings etc are all hallmarks of depression.

    Op You said he was on anti depressants... Has he stopped taking them? That might explain why his behaviour has reverted. Do you know where he keeps his tablets? I would check that out before confronting him about anything.
    ETA which behaviour is more in character for him, the wonderful guy who accommodates you and the children, or the guy who let's you carry all the load?
    Last edited by Gothel; 17-10-2012 at 14:32.

  4. #24
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    Personally, I think you made the choice to break things off when you picked up that phone.

    When you decided to snoop around his phone, you made the choice to deal with whatever you found. Either bad things, or the realisation that you'd just breached someone's privacy. Either way I don't see how a relationship can possibly come out of it and be a healthy one.

    Walk away, it all sounds like a mess. It's not good for you to be involved, look after yourself.

  5. #25
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    Default Read his phone - now gutted.

    Just an update I guess, he came over Sunday and apologised, I let things go I suppose, he has had a week off so he has helped with bub but has also whinged flat out all week how tiring it is, he doesn't clean up after himself I have just had more to do really, tonight things came to a head, I tried to approach him about yes it hard looking after a baby isn't it? Yep, we'll its hard to look after a baby, work and run a house, he cracked it, grabbed his things and said I was just 'nagging' him I tried to explain I was just trying to point out my life is hard too,he was furious. I just looked at him and thought I'm so done. Told him I wasn't moving in with him as we just can't problem solve in any way that I just wanted to be heard, he just kept repeating I was a nag, grabbed his stuff and left. It's like he can't give me any credit, it's just about him, he is just like he was before he started his medication. He is so rigid and inflexible and just doesn't listen when he gets angry so i cant even reason with him.I'm done,the thought of living with him fills me with dread. As for the texts well yes I shouldn't have looked at his phone, but I did and now I'm feeling uncomfortable that he is home texting venom about me ( sort of lol ) and the irony is that I am typing in to cyber space about him. ( sort of lol )

  6. #26
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    He sounds like an immature child & even if you lived together you would be doing everything on your own. Great decision not to move in! Sorry if that sounds harsh but you don't need an extra child to look after

  7. #27
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    Default Read his phone - now gutted.

    Yep he needs to grow up and act as part of a family, he guards his me time and sleep with ridiculous ferocity which would be fine if he thought I deserved the same consideration but he absolutely does not. He doesn't get it, when I approach it like last night he just cracks it and runs off. I can't work with that. It would be a case of putting up and shutting up and I have DONE my time with him in that regard.

  8. #28
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    When you know it's over (and you said so yourself) the biggest trap is falling back into familiarality. Don't do it. You are strong and brave and need to set a good example of healthy relationships for your little one!

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Izy For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (19-10-2012),Mod-Myztik  (18-10-2012)


 

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