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  1. #11
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    No I have supported him to the best of my ability, I dont think im awful to expect the same in return, he is bubs parent too, why is it unrealistic to expect him to share the load, i work just as hard on much less sleep. I do want to be with him but I don't want to make more mistakes. I just came on here to vent into cyber space because I can't really talk to anybody else, I have taken advice on board but can't help but be wounded and it's bought up past hurts I had been putting behind me. I know I shouldn't have read his phone and I wish I didn't, I won't be mentioning that to him but does anybody else have experience with a bloke that is enraged at being woken up and seems to need way more sleep than anyone else I know, it's been a huge problem in our relationship, he couldn't cope with the baby amongst many other things. I was so proud of him getting help finally, I want him to be the best person he can be for him but mostly her.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I agree with pp: it sounds like you are having second thoughts about being together. Your partner is a shift worker and will have abnormal sleep patterns. Let him sleep. I don't mean to be rude but it sounds like you don't want your partner and am tagging him with unrealistic expectations in order to break you both up.

    If you want to be apart theat is fine but be honest about the reasons.
    He had slept almost 24 hours straight then did a burn out in the driveway bc she dared wake him. Urrmm I'd be having second thoughts too. It's not like the OP is complaining about nothing bc deep down she just wants to get rid of him, which is what you are insinuating.

    OP you have every right to be concerned and to be really angry too.

  3. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    <img src="images/smilies/confused.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Confused" smilieid="10" class="inlineimg" He had slept almost 24 hours straight then did a burn out in the driveway bc she dared wake him. Urrmm I'd be having second thoughts too. It's not like the OP is complaining about nothing bc deep down she just wants to get rid of him, which is what you are insinuating.

    OP you have every right to be concerned and to be really angry too.
    I agree! I think he acted like a spoilt brat!! I'd be furious if my DH acted like that towards me.

    He sounds like he has a really bad temperamd is very immature.

    I know a few shift workers and the hours really sent them depressed and angry, aparently it can be common in that type of job to to their out of whack sleep cycle.

    Tbh I think you need couples counselling at least! If you want to stay with him, please book in. Your relationship sounds very fragil at the moment and I personally think your feelings are all very valid.

  5. #14
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    I have to agree with Waterlily. When you woke him up he really should have said 'sorry babe. Didnt mean to over sleep. I'll take baby/i'll come with you and look after baby. Hope your meeting goes well'. Not do a burnout in the driveway??? WT??

    I understand depression very well and it is not an excuse for poor behaviour.

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  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    <img src="images/smilies/iagree.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Iagree" smilieid="77" class="inlineimg" I have to agree with Waterlily. When you woke him up he really should have said 'sorry babe. Didnt mean to over sleep. I'll take baby/i'll come with you and look after baby. Hope your meeting goes well'. Not do a burnout in the driveway??? WT??

    I understand depression very well and it is not an excuse for poor behaviour.
    Good point. It's all in the delivery. On the same token, how did the OP wake hubby? Was it a "sorry hun, I know you're tired but it's time for my appointment" or was it a "what the heck are you doing? You've slept for ages now I'm late."

    One can be quite grumpy when woken by someone else. If there was perceived nagging in there, the grumpiness factor could be heightened.

    I'm nt saying he was justified for carrying on like a pork chop, just trying to provide some insight to the possible reasons.

  8. #16
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    I had quiet fury all day watching him sleep and was running the usual marathon of baby/work/house but by the arvo I was ok, I only woke him because his car was parked behind mine and I cant drive a manual. I wasnt rude but I could have been.

    I have a huge work load at the moment and the only way to get back to my normal hours is to clear it, he knew that and promised to help me this week because I am meant to be packing up two houses at some point in the next few weeks and have just been having anxiety about too much to do and no time.

    I am hesitating because I have a horrible feeling in my gut that we will be tip toeing around him, plus when we move out of my house Im probably going to have to rent it out and if things dont work out I will be stuck there with nowhere to go. I just dont want to make a mistake and my gut tells me I will be.

    Im ok about the texts after sleeping on it, if they were recent it would be differant and they werent, they were from months ago, Im not going to mention them.

    I will ask him if he is willing to go to counselling with me, Im going to tell him Im not moving in with him just yet.

    Thanks for your advice ladies, you are lovely and its helped

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  10. #17
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    If you're scared of him it's not going to be a healthy relationship for you or the kids.

    Living in fear that someone is going to flip out messes with your mind and destroys your self confidence. Only you can know if you are going to be able to trust him or not. I personally WOULD tell him about the phone. I'd tell him I was having doubts first, and all the things you saw on his phone just cemented it, but that's a very personal thing and what suits you may be different.

    I completely agree on the idea to let go of anything he has said too. Don't hold it. Don't let it consume you. In the wise words of dr Seuss... Those who matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.

  11. #18
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    Good plan... 'date' a bit first and go to counsellIng before you move in wih him/give up your own house.

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Izy View Post
    If you're scared of him it's not going to be a healthy relationship for you or the kids.

    Living in fear that someone is going to flip out messes with your mind and destroys your self confidence. Only you can know if you are going to be able to trust him or not. I personally WOULD tell him about the phone. I'd tell him I was having doubts first, and all the things you saw on his phone just cemented it, but that's a very personal thing and what suits you may be different.

    I completely agree on the idea to let go of anything he has said too. Don't hold it. Don't let it consume you. In the wise words of dr Seuss... Those who matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.
    Great advice Izy!! I totally agree. Trust your instinct, it won't fail you. If your still unsure, you could try to take things slowly as the others suggested and if he reacts poorly to that and the suggestion of counselling then there is a good chance things won't ever change. It's ok for him to be tired but it's not ok for him to treat you poorly as a result and make you feel like you have to walk around on eggshells. I

  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Izy View Post
    If you're scared of him it's not going to be a healthy relationship for you or the kids.

    Living in fear that someone is going to flip out messes with your mind and destroys your self confidence. Only you can know if you are going to be able to trust him or not. I personally WOULD tell him about the phone. I'd tell him I was having doubts first, and all the things you saw on his phone just cemented it, but that's a very personal thing and what suits you may be different.

    I completely agree on the idea to let go of anything he has said too. Don't hold it. Don't let it consume you. In the wise words of dr Seuss... Those who matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.
    Great advice Izy!! I totally agree. Trust your instinct, it won't fail you. If your still unsure, you could try to take things slowly as the others suggested and if he reacts poorly to that and the suggestion of counselling then there is a good chance things won't ever change. It's ok for him to be tired but it's not ok for him to treat you poorly as a result and make you feel like you have to walk around on eggshells.


 

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