+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 26
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Sydney's Hills District
    Posts
    1,788
    Thanks
    308
    Thanked
    242
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Those Huggies ads are such a joke!! They couldn't be further from reality. I had wanted to be pregnant for so long, and then I suffered SPD during the second 20wks. After doing three cycles of IVF and having an emergency c-sect, I felt guilty and inadequate. And for months after his birth, I seriously loathed the idea of being PG again. For a while the idea of having more children was abhorent to me.

    I noticed that your DD is only 3months old. I don't mean to sound patronising, but perhaps with time you may change your mind? You never know. I know I feel differently now about being a SAHM and our plans for more children than I did 3 months ago.

    Hopefully you can work out a balance that makes you happy!

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,037
    Thanks
    1,498
    Thanked
    730
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by justthe3ofus View Post
    Thank you so much everyone for all your replies. It's so great to know I'm not alone with this. No one understands a new mum like another new mum, that's for sure!

    And it's so true about society's expectations. I was talking to DH about this topic the other night and he said the same thing to me - in reality, I still do want to be a SAHM more or less. I'd like to go back to work a couple of days a week but I'd only be doing 4hrs a day max, that's just the way it is in my job. It's just the 'SAHM' tag, to me, conjurs up images from Huggies commercials of happy mums sipping from coffee mugs whilst watching their numerous perfectly behaved children frolicking in their perfectly manicured backyards

    The reality is so not like that! I want to be a SAHM but I want to have a life too
    Take your time... your daughter is only very young..the first year I was all over the place..then I guess it just clicks..the real work/fun etc starts around 2yrs (I feel) ..then you find yourself again..enjoy her and being with her while she is so little..they grow so fast and become independent before your ready..

    I work 4 days a month started when my girl was about 6 months...I enjoy the break..but miss her so much (until she bugs me)..being a mum can be hard/boring/annoying/blissful/fanatstic all in one day!!!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Maybelline View Post
    Take your time... your daughter is only very young..the first year I was all over the place..then I guess it just clicks..the real work/fun etc starts around 2yrs (I feel) ..then you find yourself again..enjoy her and being with her while she is so little..they grow so fast and become independent before your ready..
    Sorry you had such a rough time the first two years. But the OP doesn't seem ti be 'all over the place'...?! She said she likes being a mum, just not enjoying being a full-time SAHM as she needs more. There's nothing wrong with that at all (?) many of us need other things: work, study, other projects in order to stimulate us. Her issue (apologies OP, speaking on your behalf here!) was that she felt she should be completely fulfilled as a SAHM. Which of course is a total myth and not a universal truth (or something that will come 'with time').

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    4,765
    Thanks
    1,903
    Thanked
    2,790
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hmm, DD is 5.5 and it hasn't "clicked" yet... guess there's something wrong with me!!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    1,037
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked
    43
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Firstly forget the guilt! It doesn't help your situation or help you be a better mum. My biggest advice to any mum is do what's best for you and your family. If you feel that doing some casual or part time work will make you happier as a person (there for being a happier mum!) then go for it.

    In my situation i work part time and my 2 year old goes to a fantastic, high quality daycare centre and my 6 year old goes to after school care and vacation care which she loves. DH is supportive of me working and pitches in. As long as everyone is happy and thriving then everything is ok.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    Hmm, DD is 5.5 and it hasn't "clicked" yet... guess there's something wrong with me!!
    Oh definitely Shelle, you're farrr to normal a human being to be the elusive ethereal blissful model of a mother like the test of us! Off with your head!!

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Ellewood For This Useful Post:

    shelle65  (12-10-2012)

  8. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,554
    Thanks
    1,602
    Thanked
    2,360
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I can definitely relate!! Becoming a mother was the complete opposite to being a totally fulfilling experience. The reality of it is so much different to the romanticized version. I realised pretty quickly that being a full time SAHM was not for me and I wanted many more things from my life. I also realised that part of my desire to have a baby probably came from a dissatisfaction with myself that I was interpreting as a need for a baby, when in fact there were other things I should have addressed first.

    For the first 3 months after having DD I swore blind that I would never have another baby. BF didn't work out, DD was unwell, we stayed at tresillian twice and I had PND. I was never going to put myself or my marriage through that again.

    But, now DD is 14mo and we're TTC again. I'm a lot wiser and realistic about what I expect of myself. I have some long term goals for myself outside of motherhood that I'll keep chipping away at.

    I'm certainly not saying you'll change your mind about having more kids - stick with 1 if that's what works for you and makes you happy.

    I guess what I'm saying is not to feel guilty about whatever you decide to do. It's good to be honest - parenting is tough!

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Cue For This Useful Post:

    Doc  (12-10-2012),justthe3ofus  (12-10-2012)

  10. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    1234
    Posts
    2,821
    Thanks
    887
    Thanked
    583
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    You're not alone, even if you feel you are. I've been on the hub for 5 years and have read stories almost identical to yours ALOT. I was almost exactly the same (all except wanting kids... I never wanted kids).

    Your DD is only very young, give it a year or 2 and you'll find that you love her even more than you do now and you'll *understand* motherhood a bit more. It certainly is not anything like the way it's chalked up to be, not in the early couple of years anyway.

    My son is about to go to school and only in the last couple years have I felt I've truly overcome my son's traumatic birth and have settled into motherhood. Now, I love being a Mum .. And if you'd told me THAT when he was 1,2,3..12 months.. Well I would told you you were crazy lol

  11. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,037
    Thanks
    1,498
    Thanked
    730
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    Sorry you had such a rough time the first two years. But the OP doesn't seem ti be 'all over the place'...?! She said she likes being a mum, just not enjoying being a full-time SAHM as she needs more. There's nothing wrong with that at all (?) many of us need other things: work, study, other projects in order to stimulate us. Her issue (apologies OP, speaking on your behalf here!) was that she felt she should be completely fulfilled as a SAHM. Which of course is a total myth and not a universal truth (or something that will come 'with time').
    not a rough time..just adapting to motherhood the first year..sorry for my post I guess I got her post wrong

  12. #20
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    691
    Thanks
    29
    Thanked
    104
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by justthe3ofus View Post
    It's just the 'SAHM' tag, to me, conjurs up images from Huggies commercials of happy mums sipping from coffee mugs whilst watching their numerous perfectly behaved children frolicking in their perfectly manicured backyards

    The reality is so not like that! I want to be a SAHM but I want to have a life too
    This! hahaha - loved the huggies commercial part! I always knew it would be hard work. I always knew I'd have to get up to feed DD at night, I knew there would be good days and bad days, but nothing prepared me for the reality.

    DD has silent reflux and has struggled with feeding and sleeping since birth. I did manage to breastfeed for 3 months, but it was the most uncomfortable, annoying experience - I HATED it.

    I had no idea it would be so hard to get a baby to fall asleep - that I was not prepared for. I know, I know, how naive and uneducated and clueless I was here, but I had no idea how much of a struggle it would be and how it still torments me every time DD only takes a cat nap or won't drink much of her bottle, I can't seem to get past it each time it happens, I get frustrated that yet again, no day or night has been perfect for us since DD was born. There's always a reason to be disillusioned by motherhood as it just hits home how ill prepared I actually was to be a mum.

    I've never really had any hobbies or interests, which never mattered as I spent all of my time with my husband, friends and family and that was my hobby and my life. Yes I still catch up with all of these people, but I'm lacking something to keep me sane - something outside of DD.

    We will have another child, but only because DD isn't likely to have cousins in the state we live in, and I grew up without cousins and hated it, so we want to give DD a brother or sister. I know it will be hard and draining, but I hope it's only a few years of pain for long term gain.

    My pregnancy and labour weren't really that bad, but I will be dreading those first 6-7 months possibly more of a new bub as I don't enjoy being a mum as much as I thought I would.

    I too love my DD with all of my heart and wouldn't have life any other way, but each day is a struggle. DH earns enough that I don't have to go back to work, but I do want to so that I can get a break from DD. I don't like having to hand control over her feeding and sleeping routines in the day to anyone else even though I trust my parents 100%, but going back to work is going to be just as hard.

    Don't worry you aren't alone in your feelings at all! We can just all watch TV and cringe at those horrible huggies, formula and panadol commercials, and know that there are many other mums sitting there cringing too!

    Last edited by CuddlesAwait; 12-10-2012 at 19:52. Reason: spelling errors

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to CuddlesAwait For This Useful Post:

    Doc  (12-10-2012),justthe3ofus  (13-10-2012)


 

Similar Threads

  1. would you do anything differently 2nd time ?
    By Hunkamunka in forum General Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 27-08-2012, 14:15
  2. Should i be reacting differently?
    By Zombie_eyes in forum General Chat
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 30-05-2012, 22:28
  3. Replies: 47
    Last Post: 31-03-2012, 22:20

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Baby Monitors
Looking to buy a baby monitor? :: Read viewer reviews of baby monitors BEFORE you buy :: Buy at a local or online Baby Nursery Shop
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!