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  1. #1
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    Unhappy 3yo not toilet training

    Hi,

    Our 3yo (only turned 3 a fortnight ago) son refuses to poo on the toilet. He also does not tell us when he needs to pee. When I put him on the toilet, he'll do a wee when I ask, but still wets his pants continuously without telling me.
    Poo'ing is something he flat out refuses. I know when he's due to do a poo and will put him on the toilet (with one of them bambini ladder/seat thingos) at that time. He just sits there and gets really upset saying "no poo, no poo!"
    Then as soon as I put a nappy back on him, bingo! A big smelly one within seconds from being off the toilet.
    It's soooo frustrating!

    I had someone telling me he must not like the feeling of the poo falling in the loo. I need to sit him in a nappy on the toilet while he does a poo. Then I have to cut a whole in the nappy and put him on the toilet, so he still has the nappy on, but the poo will fall through. Then I have to try it without a nappy all together.

    Ehmmmmmmm ok. I'll be just cutting holes in his cloth nappies. What about paper nappies? Who is going to clean up the mess afterwards? Who says this kind of thing is going to work?
    Has anyone else tried this routine? Should I just not force the issue and hope and pray he'll suddenly tell me when he needs to do a poo and miraculously starts pooping on the toilet over night?
    It's heart breaking and frustrating to see every other kid in pre-school using the toilet properly and my son gets called a "nappy head" by the other kids because he's the only still full time in nappies

    His nappies are so smelly at the moment and there are so many of them. About 4 a day. People visit us and you can see their faces screw up because the stench of poo is always there. No matter how much I spray the house, open all doors and windows with the fans on full, the poo smell is always there *gag*.

    Please please tell me he is not the only 3 year old who is not toilet trained one little bit? Doesn't even know (has no urge) when he's got to do a wee?

  2. #2
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    I'd possibly look at getting him checked over medically if he honestly does not feel the urge to wee. A family friend's daughter had this issue and she needed medical treatment to help rectify it.
    If it is just out of laziness/not wanting to use the toilet then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it but I wouldn't clean him up. So if he wees his pants then get him to clean himself up and the floor and put his shorts/undies in the laundry etc.
    With DD1, she didn't want to poo on the toilet and would rather poo in her nappies so I just started taking them off and putting her in the shower and telling her to clean herself cause I didn't clean 3 year old bottoms (she had been fully wee trained for a month). It didn't take long for her to decide it was just easier to poo on the toilet too.

    If he is scared to poo on the toilet, this was my DS and getting him a book to read helped him to relax and poo. We got a book on toilet training boys, it has a flush button and he would just sit and look at the pictures and then he was all 'mummy, mummy I did a poo!' It took 3 days. He just needed the distraction.

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  4. #3
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    Thank you for your reply. I do not know if it is laziness or being scared or simply not liking the feeling. When he was about a year old, he did them on the potty all the time thoug. He just changed as he got older.
    I also had been told to get this particular book about toilet training kids in 3 days. I judt dont see it working with this little boy though ha! But had a friend whohas got autistic twin girls and she reckoned she got them trained within 3 days when following that book. Those girls were 3,5 though.

  5. #4
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    Is he a good communicator?
    Can you talk to him about it and find out what it is he is feeling. If he simply isn't interested then just leave him in nappies and let him go. Perhaps there can be incentives for 'growing up' and being big boy who uses the toilet if it is a case of him not wanting to go because he just doesn't want to....so anything that might spark his interest....a sleepover at grandparents once he is a big boy, or a special day somewhere or a new toy he has been desperately asking for etc.
    I know my DD1 was so keen to toilet train for Santa that I told her until she started pooing on the toilet she couldn't sit on his lap and have her photo taken because being a big girl means doing wee and poo on the toilet. She started pooing after a couple of days, then regressed which is why we did the clean yourself in the shower thing but you should see that year's santa pic...OMG best face ever!!!!!
    But honestly...try not to stress too much. Some kids just do take longer and the more stress you put on yourself and him the longer it will take. I know a lady who was so stressed her son wouldn't toilet train she used to lock him in the bathroom until he would use the toilet and he would literally be in there for hours. Gosh it was awful but the mother was so stressed and worried about the fact he wouldn't train and IMO she made it 100 times worse and in the end he was nearly 4 before he trained and I'm sure it took that long due to all the negativity that surrounded toilet training. She even refused to let him go outside until he was wearing undies etc. and as a result they would be lockd in the house for a week or two at a time until she snapped and couldn't take it anymore!

    I have heard that three day training guide be metnioned several times on the hub but I have never used any sort of specific training methods...just waited until my kids were ready. That meant 2 of them were nearly 3, and one was 2 years and 4 months.

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  7. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wastingtime View Post
    ...but I wouldn't clean him up. So if he wees his pants then get him to clean himself up and the floor and put his shorts/undies in the laundry etc.
    With DD1, she didn't want to poo on the toilet and would rather poo in her nappies so I just started taking them off and putting her in the shower and telling her to clean herself cause I didn't clean 3 year old bottoms (she had been fully wee trained for a month). It didn't take long for her to decide it was just easier to poo on the toilet too.
    Sorry but I think this is a bit harsh, and bordering on the lady who locked the kid in the bathroom in my opinion. Making DD clean up an accident off the floor and putting her in the shower because she is dirty is asking for trouble. Just go with the flow, only just turned three is not too late for toilet training issues of some sorts. My DD is three (just) and doesn't want to poo on the toilet. I have no intention of cutting holes in nappies or any such useless activities. Just slowly slowly, and she/he will get the hang of it. Cloth nappies are always going to be a bit smellier around the house at this stage but that's just one of the trade offs. Don't stress. He will get it in time. if kids are calling him 'nappy head' you need to speak to the daycare/parents because name calling is not on. Simple.

    Good luck, we're in the same boat!

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  9. #6
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    We left toilet training our DS1 till he was 2.5 - 3 yrs old. It took MONTHS, not a few days here. Don't stress! We had him in the pull ups and they worked okay but he would still have wee accidents and would always poo in them because they were like a nappy. In the end I threw caution out the window and told him that he was wearing big boy undies from now on; no more pull ups and that if he needed to do wee/poo then he would have to go to the toilet. At this stage he was only wetting them when he was too busy playing esp. outside. He got the hang of the wee within days and the poos within two weeks.
    I found the main thing was letting go and not trying to take control. I stopped putting him on the toilet or asking him if he needed to go. Instead you would say things like 'Remember that if you need to wee you've got to go to the toilet.' Maybe try putting your son in control.
    Also about the poos - Is 4 a day usual for your son? You say that they are so smelly 'at the moment.' Have you changed his diet at all. I'm only thinking that if say, he used to do two a day and something has changed in his diet to contribute towards the four times you could change it back so it is easier for you when toilet training him. Trying to TT with four a day must be very frustrating for you. Hang in there. You're doing a great job. He will get there.

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  11. #7
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    I didn't read all the other responses but I will tell you, you are not the only one with a 3yr old not TT. My son is now 7 but he was not TT until he started 4yr old Kindy. I was worried and everyone said just go with it the Dr told me not to panick until he was 5yrs and then take him to see a specialist some kids just take longer, he did night and day with in a week. My DD was 2 when TT in the day but at 5 is still in a pull up at night all kids are different.

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  13. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hulahoop View Post
    Sorry but I think this is a bit harsh, and bordering on the lady who locked the kid in the bathroom in my opinion. Making DD clean up an accident off the floor and putting her in the shower because she is dirty is asking for trouble. Just go with the flow, only just turned three is not too late for toilet training issues of some sorts. !
    Actually no, you're dead set WRONG. Me getting my DD1 to clean herself up in the shower, in a calm, controlled environment after I knew she was perfectly able to poo in the toilet (because she had been doing it) but was deliberately holding on until I put her in a nappy for her nap time, or getting my fully toilet trained for months DD2 to wipe up the floor with a rag and put her bottom halfs in the laundry sink, and wipe her legs with a wet wipe before going to back to playing because she did it on PURPOSE is nowhere even REMOTELY close to locking your child in a bathroom for half a day and yelling at them to go to the toilet when they have never been toilet trained, nor is it even remotely close to making your child a prisoner inside their home in an attempt to get them to toilet train. You are dead set wrong and I am damn mad at your post.
    Go to h3ll.

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  15. #9
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    I havent read all the other replies, but dont stress, it can be perfectly normal. It can takes months to fully TT. We started DS at 3 and he only mastered peeing in the toilet about 5 months later! Pooing is still an issue for him and he will be 4 in Jan!
    I know its frustrating, but try to be patient with him and if you feel he is truly ready for TTing than just persist. He will get it eventually. Dont be pressured in what other ppl think that the right age should be, each child is different, and some get it right away, and some can take months (almost 1 yr for us and we are still trying to do poos in the toilet!)

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  17. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wastingtime View Post
    Actually no, you're dead set WRONG. Me getting my DD1 to clean herself up in the shower, in a calm, controlled environment after I knew she was perfectly able to poo in the toilet (because she had been doing it) but was deliberately holding on until I put her in a nappy for her nap time, or getting my fully toilet trained for months DD2 to wipe up the floor with a rag and put her bottom halfs in the laundry sink, and wipe her legs with a wet wipe before going to back to playing because she did it on PURPOSE is nowhere even REMOTELY close to locking your child in a bathroom for half a day and yelling at them to go to the toilet when they have never been toilet trained, nor is it even remotely close to making your child a prisoner inside their home in an attempt to get them to toilet train. You are dead set wrong and I am damn mad at your post.
    Go to h3ll.
    WOW, you have a right to be mad but making a statement like "go to h3ll" is uncalled for!

    My DD turns 3 in a fortnight, and is not toilet trained. We MAY start soon, but right now she isn't ready. She can say when she has done a wee or poo but doesn't tell us BEFORE and will say "no" if we ask and then promptly wee herself. Its normal.

    What you described is normal. When my DS was TT he was wee trained a good month before he was poo trained. Yes it was annoying & frustrating, but it was normal. His daycare even told me it is not uncommon for them to be toilet trained for wee first and then take longer to learn to poo in the toilet.

    Just keep persisting. It will work out.

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