Wow she isnt much of a friend really. Sounds like a douche. Shes also entirely incorrect.
Also with the other mothers not saying anything they may have "bad sleepers" or "hard babies" but didnt want to line themselves up to be shot down as bad parents.
My experience with doing things right vs wrong, with jasper i tried to get a routine going early on, i also put so much effort into not feeding him to sleep and I gently encouraged him to self settle by 8 weeks & we had the 'perfect' sleep Feed Play 'routine'. BUT he couldnt resettle. he was in the 'habit' of waking and expecting a feed. So continued for 3 years. and around 18 months he stopped self settling! Argh!
So second baby i fed to sleep, she'd wake happy, very easy newborn, slept through at 6 weeks, we started planning our 3rd & 4th babies because we got this parenting down! Lol.
Buuuttttt around 4 months things went wonky and she Still wakes every couple of hours at 7 months.
We arent having any more babies. Babies are hard!
For a moment there I deduced more relaxed mum = more relaxed baby. But I'm back to being sure it's much more crazy anxious baby = crazy anxious mumma!!!
I have three kids...
DS1 - 7 yo (horrible day sleeper...awesome night sleeper)
DS2 - 5 yo (awesome day sleeper...awesome night sleeper)
DD1 - 10mo (horrible day sleeper...horrible night sleeper)
I have done exactly the same for all of them.....I honesty believe babies are all different and sleep how they want and no amount of 'parenting skills' can change that.
Dont we as adults all sleep differently too? I know when my head hits the pillow I am out like a light and will sleep solidly all through the night but with DP he has heaps of problems getting to sleep and frequently wakes during the night.
I think its plain mean that your "friend" was so insensitive. Even is she thinks she is awesome surely she can be smug in secret if thats how she wants to behave and at least show empathy.
Sorry your friend was so insensitive
People base their opinions and views on their experience and knowledge. Your friend probably followed the baby books and got the desired result, therefor resulting in her thinking this way.
I'm not condoning what she said to you, however she may not have meant it to come across as rude. If you haven't experienced the hard work and frustration of a more "difficult" baby then you are none the wiser.
Just remember you are doing a fantastic job
I think what MM is trying to say is that there is no need to sleep train babies, they do sleep through when they are ready...
I didn't really give DD any sort of routine until she was a toddler, and that was for myself, not for her. It was just so I knew she had enough to eat/drink/sleep. It was based around the natural kind of pattern she'd set herself anyway, I just worked with that so I knew how my day would go.
I cuddled her to sleep. I patted and rocked her to sleep. I was all about no real routine. I wasn't really about self-soothing. Yet she was giving me a full night's sleep from 3 weeks of age and I've never had any sleep issues with her since.
So I did all the "wrong" things and still got an easy baby out of it. I think she's mostly just a fuss-free child. We've never had sleep issues, food issues (she eats most things without issue - I convinced her to give fresh oysters a go when she was 5, despite her knowing they were raw seafood and they looked pretty gross), health issues (tonsils/adenoids taken out last year... but that's it), etc. She's just easy. Never shuts up... but is still relatively easy.
It's her, not my parenting (though I'm sure I could have done things to work against how she naturally is.
You can mess around and sort of make your kid's "bad habits," worse though, IMO... I watch SIL complain about her fussy eaters, but IMO, most of it is her own doing. She only ever fed her youngest cheese and bacon balls (like round twisties kinda) once he was on finger foods. Now all he wants to eat is junk. They don't say, "Hey, want a sandwich?" They say, "Hey, want some tinned spaghetti/chocolate/chips?" EVERY MEAL. Then at dinner he won't sit down and eat... but they never tell him to sit back down, they just complain that he won't do it (of his own freewill????). He says, "I don't want my veges," they say, "Okay... would you like some cake then?" So I mean, really... I do think you can encourage bad habits, but I think that's a lot easier to do than it is to change their own inbuilt bad habits into good ones...
Oh my gosh! Your friend is just lucky!
Ive had people tell me my DS is a bad day sleeper because of me. Well at six days old we had our health nurse visit. She didn't listen to me when I said he didn't like to be swaddled ("all babies like to be swaddled!", not mine!). She then wrapped him up and held him down while he struggled out of his swaddle, thrashing about and wide eyed. He just doesn't need much sleep during the day!
They are individuals, we don't all act the same, why do people insist babies do?
I think it's a combination.
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