Hmmm now see there's just no right or wrong way. I was pretty caught up on my oldest not developing bad habits and sleeping on her own etc. and I just think that made life so much harder. We had a set routine with her that we started at 6pm every night...bath, breastfed in a dark, quiet room and put to bed. Sounds awesome but she didn't go to bed until 1am the first few weeks (after being awake from 4pm...not for me not trying to get her to sleep, she had wind issues that kept her up and it took ages then to settle.) By the time my third came along he was boobed to sleep in bright lights while I was reading my older 2 a story and would be moved and shuffled around why I put them in to bed etc. and then I'd feed him in front of the tv. He had one bath a week and otherwise was washed with a facewasher at some point at the end, or towards the end of the day. Boobed to sleep by 7.30pm every night.
And my 2nd would sleep all night as a brand newbie in my arms (literally) but put in her cot she was awake AlL night!! It only took one night of us doing 2 hourly shifts to realise that trying to get her to sleep on her own was a bad idea for everyone!
There is no one size fits all and whilst I think that generally first time parents make more mistakes due to their hang ups and insecurities about parenting ideals and beliefs there is no one better way to parent and for anyone to assume so is pretty naive really.
Oh and my totally awesome newbie sleeper ended up being a wake every 2 hours for a breastfeed until 11 months old baby. The reason was due to her refusal of solids that not even a paediatrician could help us with and a paediatric dietician's advice was to bf her as needed and worry if she won't eat solids after 12 months.No amount of forced routine was going to change her eating habits!
These days she's my only child who enjoys a sleep in and still has one day nap a week and she's five!
I really wish all you ladies were with me this morning during this conversation.
My ds had terrible silent reflux and we had a very rough time with him in the early days. No-one suggested it was my fault ... of course, I did that myself without help from anyone else. I was constantly trying to work out how to make our lives better & easier and nothing much worked.
Then my dd came along and in the first 3 - 4 months she was a really easy baby. She hardly even cried, it was surreal. I had no idea such an easy baby could exist. I thought that if I'd had her first I'd have no idea how bad some people have it. I'm sorry that none of your friends have had challenging babies - most of mine have, so I had quite a bit of sympathy first time around.
BUT, the thing that got me with my dd was when I was asked how she was doing and when people saw how easy she was they congratulated me on being a good mum. It made me cry. I was doing a few things differently, but not majorly so, and so although they meant it as a compliment I took it as a criticism of my parenting with my first child. The reality is that people often just do not understand and sometimes parenting issues play a role, but most often they don't and certainly not with reflux/colic/etc.
I hope you find some encouragement with this thread and please ignore that ignorant remarks of your 'friend'.
Lordy, she sounds like a smug git. Having an infant that behaves in a certain "desirable" way does not = a good parent.
The fact is that babyhood is such a tiny part of a childs life, I think she might be patting herself on the back a little bit prematurely.
Last edited by misskittyfantastico; 07-10-2012 at 21:55.
My son was an angel baby ... til he turned 14 months and would not day sleep,
12 months of crying & tantrums and refusal to sleep.
Good/effective parenting style = happy baby? No
Good/effective parenting =happy child? Yes
In my opinion.
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