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  1. #11
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    The thing is, it doesnt even matter what happened. Its the after mass that I want the apology for. The continuing to be oblivious to my feelings. I have explained it several times, to no ends. It wasnt anything big, it was nothing at all really. It just hurt and yes, as an adult and being in a relationship, I expect him to acknowlage he did something to upset me and say sorry FOR THAT. Im home now and he is at work. I just need some advice and not sure what to do. I love him so much, but I cant be in a relationship with someone who refuses to say sorry when i need it.

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    Im pretty stubborn too. My head is telling me to get out now, if he cant do a simple thing like admit he hurt me, then why am I still here? He might nt think he hurt me, but HELLO Im telling him he did. My heart says I love this man and want to fight for this. But how can my heart be happy when my head is so stupid?

  3. #13
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Do you want him to apologize to make you feel better or did he actually do something wrong?

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    BOTH. Even if he was just to hold me. Just to let me know he does know. I waited all day Sunday just to be held. Seriously? Am I just being stupid? Is it too much to ask?

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    And now I have to wait all day again At my mums all i wanted was for mum to give me some advice. I just want to be told Im being stupid and need to get over it. Im not good with this stuff

  6. #16
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    I completely get it.

    if DP upsets me, I expect her to be sorry that she upset me, even if she won't apologise for what it was that upset me.

    There's nothing worse than feeling like your partner doesn't care about the way you feel, or that to them, your feelings are invalid.

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    Cleigh  (02-10-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cleigh View Post
    The thing is, it doesnt even matter what happened. Its the after mass that I want the apology for. The continuing to be oblivious to my feelings. I have explained it several times, to no ends. It wasnt anything big, it was nothing at all really. It just hurt and yes, as an adult and being in a relationship, I expect him to acknowlage he did something to upset me and say sorry FOR THAT. Im home now and he is at work. I just need some advice and not sure what to do. I love him so much, but I cant be in a relationship with someone who refuses to say sorry when i need it.
    Is this the only thing "wrong" in your relationship? Ie that he doesn't say sorry? The reason I ask is my DH doesn't say sorry. Ever. He is one of those people who doesn't feel guilt easily and I could honestly count on one hand the number of times he's said the word "sorry". But he's a fantastic dad, loves me and the kids to bits, is there every single night to put them to bed, and gets up every night during the night without complaint to tend to them, get them drinks, comfort them and cuddle them. He cooks, he takes the kids off my hands, he never complains about me buying clothes for myself or the kids, he tidies their bedrooms.....

    You get the drift. We've been together for 20 years, and I've learnt to let go of the fact he doesn't say sorry. Some people don't. But there are about a million other reasons why he's worth staying married to that I've gotten over it. I've realised it's not because he's uncaring, or mean, but because he genuinely believes he always acts in the best interests of me and the family, so if mistakes happen he doesn't see that he needs to say sorry.

    Does that make sense? Maybe look at everything your DH does do, rather than what he doesn't do - how does it balance out?

    . I have a very good friend who always needs to hear sorry from people and it can be very draining as sometimes it becomes more about saying sorry than the initial argument.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Is this the only thing "wrong" in your relationship? Ie that he doesn't say sorry? The reason I ask is my DH doesn't say sorry. Ever. He is one of those people who doesn't feel guilt easily and I could honestly count on one hand the number of times he's said the word "sorry". But he's a fantastic dad, loves me and the kids to bits, is there every single night to put them to bed, and gets up every night during the night without complaint to tend to them, get them drinks, comfort them and cuddle them. He cooks, he takes the kids off my hands, he never complains about me buying clothes for myself or the kids, he tidies their bedrooms.....

    You get the drift. We've been together for 20 years, and I've learnt to let go of the fact he doesn't say sorry. Some people don't. But there are about a million other reasons why he's worth staying married to that I've gotten over it. I've realised it's not because he's uncaring, or mean, but because he genuinely believes he always acts in the best interests of me and the family, so if mistakes happen he doesn't see that he needs to say sorry.

    Does that make sense? Maybe look at everything your DH does do, rather than what he doesn't do - how does it balance out?

    . I have a very good friend who always needs to hear sorry from people and it can be very draining as sometimes it becomes more about saying sorry than the initial argument.
    This has nver been a problem. I guess he just doesnt see it as a problem even though I do. The only problem in our relationship in his feelings towards the kds dad. THAT is the huge wedge that drives us apart. This doesnthve anything to do with it. I guess thats why Im having a hard time. He is amazing.

    I guess this is just one thing I need to get over. I dont want it to be the reason we break up. I want to fight this because he is worth fighting for and I need to let it go. I just dont know how Im going to act like everything is ok, when clearly for me its not right now.

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    I have been in this situation before with my DH....a couple of times. He has hurt and upset me but he believes he is so, so, so in the right that he won't apologise. Usually I'll get an 'I'm sorry you are so upset by the way I feel' which just makes me want to punch him in the head and doesn't help at all.
    However, nearly 15 years together I am not going to throw in the towel because he was raised differently to me (generally what it boils down to...there are things he thinks are fine when I don't...they aren't major, usually minor and blows in to something less minor due to our reactions).
    Generally I just tell him that I can't force him to apologize but he can't force me to just get over it and will have to wait until the hurt passes before I can move on. It does pass...not straight away, sometimes it can take a week or so but it does pass and we can go on with our happy life and as much as the few times he has refused to apologize has hurt me at the time I can not think of what the reason for even one of those times were, so obviously they aren't causing problems in our relationship.

    You have the right to be upset, he has the right to refuse an apology. On the bright side at least when he does apologise to you you will know it is genuine.
    I hope you feel better soon.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wastingtime View Post
    I have been in this situation before with my DH....a couple of times. He has hurt and upset me but he believes he is so, so, so in the right that he won't apologise. Usually I'll get an 'I'm sorry you are so upset by the way I feel' which just makes me want to punch him in the head and doesn't help at all.
    However, nearly 15 years together I am not going to throw in the towel because he was raised differently to me (generally what it boils down to...there are things he thinks are fine when I don't...they aren't major, usually minor and blows in to something less minor due to our reactions).
    Generally I just tell him that I can't force him to apologize but he can't force me to just get over it and will have to wait until the hurt passes before I can move on. It does pass...not straight away, sometimes it can take a week or so but it does pass and we can go on with our happy life and as much as the few times he has refused to apologize has hurt me at the time I can not think of what the reason for even one of those times were, so obviously they aren't causing problems in our relationship.

    You have the right to be upset, he has the right to refuse an apology. On the bright side at least when he does apologise to you you will know it is genuine.
    I hope you feel better soon.
    I agree with this post entirely. Explain how you feel, and tell him it might take you time. Don't put pressure on yourself to "get over it" straight away. With my DH I accept he doesn't say sorry, and he accepts I am allowed to be hurt. Then we both get back to life and get on with it. We have 3 kids together, and are too busy and tired to keep battling each other.


 

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