OP - do you mind sharing what the language is?
OP - do you mind sharing what the language is?
Witwicky - Sorry I'd prefer not to as I like to keep some anonymity on here, however I will say its a regional Asian dialect, not well known outside of the cultural group.
I also didn't mean to imply the language has no value, I just meant usually people want their kids to learn a language like Mandarin etc to be able to help them in a global context; this language probably wouldn't be useful in that sense but off course is still considered valuable to those who speak it.
Do you have any friends that speak the dialect that could teach you informally?
If you're child is exposed to the language a lot, he may just pick it up anyway. I think that knowing a language is a good thing, even if it its not a language considered 'useful', my understanding is that it paves the way for learning further languages.
I agree that familiarising yourself with the language is the best thing you can do.
Loosing languages is a global problem...so often smaller languages are being lost altogether and it is such a shame. Preserving the smaller languages is vital for our global society...and in my opinion, sometimes more important than learning the bigger languages.
Once kids know more than 1 language, adding to them is easier. It does them so well in their future education.
I would get your DH to write you out some language crib notes and maybe even a CD recording for the car...just the basics to start with...greetings and manners etc so that you can join in and show you are trying as you will prob find them more welcoming if they see you trying too. I would also explain to your DH that YOU feel excluded and ask him to make more of an effort to be the bridge for you, translate more and also approach his family to do the same.
I understand that you would feel like his family are trying to get a link to your chld and exclude you even more...but try and use it as a great motivation to learn a little yourself and become more involved.
My mothers side is Asian and we grew up with another language. My father does not know any of the language at all but we always spoke English at home but my mother and her family taught us to speak some of her language as well. We aren't fluent in the language but my siblings and i can understand what my mums family and friends talk about when they talk to each other which helps when they talk about us
Apparently when we were younger we were able to speak more fluently because when you are young you understand more. But as English was always used everywhere it dominated my mothers language and we eventually lost how to speak it except for a few words.
Ithink it's great your partners family want to teach your child but even if you learnt a few words of the language I think you will eventually pick up what they are saying to each other even if you can't speak it. This will help you control what is said around your child when the learn you can understand bits and pieces of what they say.
My husband is another culture to me and I am to him, we don't know each other's languages, and alot of people on his side speak the language as well without including me, but I often butt in and ask who has said what... It doesn't bother me that our kids are being included in the language, i'm trying to learn along with them. Same with my language... i always translate for dh.
I've picked up some pretty choice swear words too! LOL.
If you are concerned about what they might say can the "rule" be that they only speak their language to your kids if your husband is also present And then that you trust he would tell them not to tell your children things you as parents dont agree with? Aside from hellos and goodbyes, i love yous etc. i wouldnt begrudge endearments and greetings.
For myself find it incredibly rude when my inlaws can speak English, have been Australians for over 30 years, but speak around me as though I'm not there. My Df, sil & bil though all speak English in response and translate for me - which shames his parents into speaking English.
They also must speak English in my home, not so bad if its quiet words between husband & wife, i get that would be relaxed habit, but they cant Speak arabic to my df in my home and he pulls them up if they do. (Because they discuss things like we were looking at buying a car and df, mil & fil started discussing OUR car options in arabic with me right there in my home and that peeved me right off)
But I don't mind my kids learning the language. Maybe though you need boundaries with how and when they speak his language, like not at the dinner table when you are there, more like when they are off together?
Wow- how incredibly rude of his family to exclude you like that. I only speak another language around others if they say they'd like to learn it, but always follow up the sentence with the English translation.
Rather than saying that they are not allowed to speak in the other language, ask that they must speak both. So sentence in dialect, then followed up in English. It will not only make it more reassuring for you, but may also help your little one learn both languages better.
I will never tell my son or those around him that he is not to learn or hear another language. In fact DS seems to have a fascination with japanese and Korean. So I might download some cartoons etc in both soon.
In your case you have your husband as gatekeeper, so perhaps he's feeling offended not only over the language, but a perceived lack of trust in his judgement.
OP i feel your pain a little. DH and i don't have children yet (bun in the oven though ) anyway DH is fijian and his family all speak fijian around me, even to me (even though they know i speak and understand very little of the language and they speak perfectly fine english).
however i do want my children to learn to speak fijian, and i see it as a good reason for me to try and pick up more of the language by no means is it easy to speak, it's quite hard and i'm positive my children, if they are exposed to it from a young age, will speak better fijian than me, but it's something i am happy for them to learn.
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