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  1. #1
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    Default DH doesn't want to co-sleep with newborn

    My LO is 8 days old today and has slept with me on and off since I was still in hospital. She does settle in her bassinet during the day but at night she keeps waking every 2 mins and crying, I can pat her back to sleep but only for another 2 mins! Put her in bed next to me and she goes to sleep in 2 seconds and stays asleep. She might have a quick comfort nurse too but I haven't mastered latching laying down in the dark yet. The problem is DH doesn't want to bedshare. I love it, and love knowing she is content and happy, but he thinks its going to build bad habits, and even left the bed last night to sleep in the spare room as he was cranky with me having her in bed again.

    I just want to give my little girl comfort, security and love. MY only concern is getting her into her own bed down the track.. But DH doesn't want to do it at all.

    What do I do?

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    Try to reassure him that she's still so little and used to being so close to you (ie in you!) and that there's no way anything you do with her at 8 days is going to foster any habits whatsoever. I have the opposite problem that my DD will sleep decently (I wouldn't say well) in her bassinet at night but during the day won't sleep anywhere but in someone's arms or the ergo. It's tiring but like you said the important thing is her comfort...and if you get more sleep with her next to you, I say do it. I'm sure he wouldn't like having to wake up every 2 mins! Hope you guys can figure something out

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    I'd explain to him 1. She's only been out if you for 8 days, thats a huge adjustment for his newborn daughter she needs some time to adjust.

    2. For you - you birthed a baby 8 days ago after 9 months of pregnancy, you are breast feeding which is physically draining and now you are supposed to physically get out of bed frequently to put her back to sleep? Has he thought this threw? Maybe suggest HE gets up, brings her to you, waits for her to finish feeding, then resettles her? (Oh funny if he isnt willing to but no drama demanding you do the exact same thing)

    3. Its biologically normal to cosleep, its really only western cultures that dont. In terms of feeding and cosleeping mother and babies sleep rhythm line up and you and baby often end up barely disturbing each other through the night.

    And 4 - and i personally jump straight to 4 - LUCKY HIM!!!! How fortunate of him to have the ability and choice to go and have 8 uninterrupted hours Of sleep when there is a newborn in the house! Hes trying to tell you a big man cant cope with the emotional rejection of being given the option of sleeping elsewhere but his newborn daughter should be made to sleep somewhere else instead.

    My df makes the occasional comment after 4 years of bedsharing between 2 babies i just smile and sigh or make sarcastic comments. Lol.

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    I'd show him this thread. Sometimes men just don't understand these types of things and hearing about it from other women and seeing that it's not setting bad habits, it's not unusual and that he needs to become more flexible in his thinking cos everything you thought you knew could very well be turned on it's head in the coming days, week, months and years.

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    ... Booo for cranky husbands!!! Well I can only speak from experience with DD she's 6 months and DH didn't want her in bed with us as he was afraid we'd suffocate her. So I would put her on my side and DH would have my back, I reassured him (after I saw for myself) that even in my sleep I was always aware of where she was, and honestly in those first weeks who really sleeps right? Anyway she now happily sleeps all night in her basinette which is next to my side of the bed. She started sleeping through the night at 3 months and that's when she went in there full time, sometimes she'll wake for a feed and I just pick her up feed and either put her back or have cuddles. I think don't disregard or dismiss his concerns just explain that unless he wants a screaming baby all night cosleeping is working for u and bub, and no it doesn't build bad habits if anything my bub is always happy sleeps through the night and wakes up with a smile. It bub is only 8 days... Can you imagine coming from 9 months in the womb and then boom you're out it would be scarry they need that closeness and feeling safe next to mum. Oh I really hope your DH understands!! Alternatively let him sleep in the spare room at this stage u need your sleep and so does bub!!!

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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Thanks for the replies so far ladies. Last night I ended up falling asleep with her swaddled in my arms sitting up, trying to soothe her to go in the crib, and woke up this morning in bed with her with no recollection of how I got in. I usually sleep with her unswaddled when she is with me, and position myself and her with the pillows and doona safely.. So this worries me.
    I respect DH's input in regards to raising her but we are butting heads on this one.. !
    And yes- I am the only one getting up for her at night as I'm breast feeding

    She is such a good baby and never cries except for food, nappy, burping or comfort.

    I'll just have to keep trying and hope he can notice the difference! Any other advice also appreciated x

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    The only advice I have is to tell DH its all just momentary, baby sleeps better this way so for now that's how it is. You'll find that in a couple of months when she sleeps through the night she'll happily settle in the basinette/crib - just a thought but ill put it out there, men are often against cosleeping because they think they won't get any nookie that way... maybe address that point with him

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    He should sleep in the spare room and do some reading over biological requirements of newborn babies. Oh, and bring you a coffee in the morning as a thank-you for doing the night shift!

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    If you're the one getting up at night - then I think it's only fair that YOU are the one to set the rules on where she sleeps/nurses etc.

    Yes your DH obviously has concerns about co-sleeping, and I'm on his side too, I never ever slept with baby in our bed, and I never will. BUT - If you're going to, then there's all sorts of little attachment cribs and bassinets that you can put next to your bed so your baby is co-sleeping safely. I would invest in something that she can sleep in, either in your bed or attached to your side of the bed.

    In the meantime, it's all about just getting through the days and nights. It's hard work, and a newborn is so demanding. It's a huge adjustment, so just do what works for you.


 

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