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  1. #1
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    Default Am I being unfair?

    I am having an issue with my dad atm. I have asked him to call before he comes over, only 5 minutes just so I can do a quick run around and tidy. I ask this of everyone. I don't like being caught unawares. I actually really hate it when people 'drop in', I find they usually do this when DS has just gone down and I'm getting my time out to do some things.
    Anyway - he doesn't understand at all - he feels that he should be an exception as he is family and therefore it shouldn't bother me.

    FWIW he rarely does this but he did it twice in 2 weeks at around 5pm which is a crap time to drop by people with kids - again he doesn't get this and has been offended in my telling him this.

    What do others think? Do you have a problem with drop ins? Are family excluded from the 'no drops ins' rule?

    Most importantly how do I get him to understand because he really, truly believes he should be exempt. I have explained to him that this is possibly a generational thing and due to mobile phones there is no reason for anyone to pull the 'I was just in the neighbourhood line...'

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    Mmmm I see your point, people where I come from drop in all the time but culturally we're always prepared (no one sits in their pajamas all day) anyway I found here in oz ppl don't do that and suits me fine, as I'm often in my pjs till 3pm cleaning smelling like roses of course or spew from 6month old DD. If he keeps dropping in unannounced why don't you recruit him to help you... If you're cleaning tell him that's what you're doing and if he can help :-) I bet he'll call! Or get find my friends app, keeps track of ppl and can notify you when they're on the move, I use it with DH so I know when to hop in the shower or start dinner :-)

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    babyla  (24-09-2012)

  4. #3
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    Friends app - I'll look into it! I think part of our problem is ego - I'm ****ed that he can't just respect what is in my mind a simple request and he can't understand why I would ask that. But I think you have some good ideas - it's unlikely he'd be into cleaning or changing DS nappy. He's more a fun time grandpa

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    I don't like people just dropping in either. In fact it really annoys me. I had a family member do this to me and it took a few times of actually being quite blunt before she got the idea. She doesn't do it anymore.

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    babyla  (24-09-2012)

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    I agree. He turns up and you could say ah your here, good, dd needs a nappy change or gee, glad your here do you mind doing the dishes while I clean the bathroom it has been a busy day and I could really use an extra pair of hands right about now. He is family after all and family are meant to help in a crisis, even if it is the 5pm gotta clean the house and cook dinner crisis. :-pETA: stupid auto correct

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    babyla  (24-09-2012)

  9. #6
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    Thanks everyone! I think I'm just going to get him to work if he does it again. I think more than anything I feel like we're really butting heads over it - I just cannot understand why he takes such offense to giving me 5 minutes notice and why he is unwilling to budge, this is what ****es me off! After our stand off last week, in reality he may not do it again, I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
    Clarabelle - it really annoys me too! I just don't understand why people think it's ok. I get that in some communities/cultures it's the done thing but not really in mine.
    Last edited by babyla; 24-09-2012 at 17:20. Reason: repeating myself...

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    I dunno... I see where you're coming from, but he's your Dad. Sometimes you just gotta put up with annoying family members habits. I'm at the age now where I'm really aware of the fact my parents won't be around forever, so I cherish any moment I get to see them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy2be3 View Post
    I dunno... I see where you're coming from, but he's your Dad. Sometimes you just gotta put up with annoying family members habits. I'm at the age now where I'm really aware of the fact my parents won't be around forever, so I cherish any moment I get to see them.
    That is a good point, too. In all honesty, I would not mind anywhere near as much if it was mum or dad calling in. I just don't like people coming unannounced, but completely understand that not everyone is this way.

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    babyla  (25-09-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clarabelle View Post
    That is a good point, too. In all honesty, I would not mind anywhere near as much if it was mum or dad calling in. I just don't like people coming unannounced, but completely understand that not everyone is this way.
    Oh don't get me wrong, I hate it too! And in general it is common courtesy to at least call or text first.. BUT it wasn't like this 50 years ago.

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    babyla  (25-09-2012)

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    We went through this with MIL...she got really shirty and used to make catty comments about "having to make an appointment to see her son"....i simply explained it was a matter of respecting the fact that our time was equally valuable as hers and that there were times that we would not accept visitors and she could either be in our lives or not but that was how we felt.

    It took her a few months of *****ing about it...but she got over herself

    I think dropping in is rude...people could be sleeping/busy/sick/upset/taking 5 minutes to themselves (gasp) and to impose yourself on them...is just rude!

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