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  1. #11
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    I am a bit the same. I'm 39 weeks. I had two other little ones. I put it down to the fact that everyone wants me or my body for something ...... like breastfeeding for a couple of years or having body inhabited for years by babies as wonderful as it is the need for your own physical space is such a desire ! I just try and explain that I'm sorry and will be a bit out of action for a while.......

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    This may sound like an awful question, but do you think you still love him?
    I think it's one thing if you don't really show love by physical affection (and i agree, 5 love languages is a great book)- but... how DO you show love to him? You conmplain, you don't laugh at his jokes, you don't do little things like get him a drink if you're getting one. When you think of how much you love and appreciate him, what does it make you want to do? anything? What things does he do for you that you really appreciate and want to reciprocate? Do you tell him you love him?
    It sounds to me like you're really taking him for granted. Even if you're pregnant and can't do much for him, it takes no energy or effort to say "I love you and i wish i could show it more but right now it's hard for me to be touchy-feely, or do things for you, but i really appreciate everything you're doing for me" but, as you said, I'm not sure it's just the pregnancy. It sounds like this may all have been happening for quite a while?
    At 38 weeks pregnant I think it's going to be really hard to concentrate on your relationship with DH right now, but i really think you need to have a big chat about it now, and come up with a plan to put in place once the new baby isn't so new anymore. Because a new baby is going to make everything seem a million times worse, i think you both need to make a pact to hang in there for a little while until you can get around to focussing on each other again.
    Good luck
    Thank you Fearlessleader. I thought someone might ask me this question!
    I have actually asked myself this question many tmes. I think I do. Because I have never ever thought about leaving him, not even a tad interested in talking to other guys or flirt etc. Whenever I think about the possibility of losig him either because our marriage failure or to sickness it hurts me so bad I end up crying as if its happening.
    How do I shw him I love him...hmmmm, I would cook his favourite dishes, breakfast and through out the day drinks and etc. I have been trying to give spontaneous cuddles and kisses. I know he wants a BBQ, so I have been trying to save money for one for xmas as a surprise. I give him foot massages and back scratches and I do tel him I love him, not everyday.
    When i think about the things he does for me, it makes me want to be nicer to him, show him more affection, be more bothered to do things and complain less about nonsense BUT sometimes I just cant bring myself to do it, because....
    We are both in the same business and both work from home and DS is 19 months and doesnt go to any daycare etc at the moment. Business is busy enough to keep us on our feet and to drive me insane with all the housework and DS whinging all day and being pregnant. We both usually still working at 11pm. I never get to go out when ever I want to even for a cuppa because we have only 1 car and DH need it to make deliveries on a daily basis. I dont have any families here so we have to arrange for someone to look after DS is I need to go out. I pretty much see my friends once every 3~6 months. DH sees his friends quite often because they all live close by. This all makes me feel very depressed in a way.
    Then we argue on a daily basis about work, why we do this this way and blahblah, then he gets stressed easily and would raise his voice at me and I just HATE it when he does it. Also because we see SO MUCH of each other, and we are at home all the time and work from home, its so hard to keep the house clean and he definetly doesnt make things easier for me so I get flustered and stressed and would complain and whinge and he would then clean up or try to keep things clean for a few days before everything goes back to the way it was then everything all over again.
    I know this might all sound lik excuses, but I really cant bring myself up to be affectionate to him after spending a day feeling exhausted mentally and physically and still P***ed off at him for raising his voice at me earlier that day and the day before and the day before. Even though he apologizes but to me its just a broken record.

    But other than that hes a great person, great father no matter how I complain or push him away hes still caring and positive. He constantly give me surprises to cheer me up and always helps when I whinge and tries so hard to make things better for me. Also he loves giving me cuddles and kisses to remind me how much he loves me.
    Urrrgggg....I sometimes wish I have a job outside, give us both some time away from eachother, give me some time away from the madness at home. I worked all my life, its so hardworking from home. Hes always worked from home so I guess he handles it all better than me.
    I dont know.....

  4. #13
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    Double post
    Last edited by Happy2be3; 24-09-2012 at 15:12.

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    When I was pregnant I didn't want my husband anywhere near me! For almost the whole 9 months! And then after the baby was born (and still sometimes now) my thought process is "you're an adult, look after yourself, I've already got one baby to look after!". It might sound horrible but hey, thats how I felt.

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    tubster  (24-09-2012)

  7. #15
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    Oh I feel so sorry for your DH! I wish my DH were like yours!

    But I think it must be your pregnancy hormones doing all this. Since I got pregnant, I refused to sleep with DH in our bed. I have been sleeping in DS' room while he and DH bunk in our room. I just want to be sleeping alone. But that is cos I am scared of being kicked or hit when he has bad dreams.

    My DH is not affectionate at all. DS in fact is the affectionate one. He would hug me, cuddle me, kiss me but I feel bad like you cos I am resisting them. My boobs are sore, my tummy is tight and I dont really like any cuddle/hugs at all. I understand how you feel. I am not sure if it is my hormones or just that physically I dont feel comfortable.

    My DH has to be reminded by friends even...to take care of me. Just over the weekends, we went to the restaurant to have dinner. After parking the car, he and DS opened the restaurant door 1 and let it shut on me....I was lagging behind cos with such a big tum I walk really slowly. When I opened the door 1, both of them went open the door 2 and let it shut on me again. And I had to open the door 2 myself. I felt really lousy honestly, but am trying to be a nice pregnant lady. DH will walk all the way ahead and leave me walking behind him, he doesnt even hold my hand anymore! And when I got to ask him to do certain chores for me, I have to do it tactfully.

    We are in the midst of moving house (bad time! I am 36 weeks) and DH has been venting his frustrations (swearing at DS and getting so impatient) on me and DS cos he has to be the one packing the whole house. I was so mad at him I had to tell him off about his awful attitude.

    I think you have got such a lovely DH wish he can teach my DH how to be more careful and affectionate to me.

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  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy2be3 View Post
    When I was pregnant I didn't want my husband anywhere near me! For almost the whole 9 months! And then after the baby was born (and still sometimes now) my thought process is "you're an adult, look after yourself, I've already got one baby to look after!". It might sound horrible but hey, thats how I felt.
    YES my thought process exactly when he was mowing the lawn! I had cold water prepared in the fridge but i thought if hes thirsty he can will come in himself why does he need me to remind him that he needs a drink. But i also understand how it would be nice and caring if i did go and fetch him.

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom2OneDS View Post
    Oh I feel so sorry for your DH! I wish my DH were like yours!

    But I think it must be your pregnancy hormones doing all this. Since I got pregnant, I refused to sleep with DH in our bed. I have been sleeping in DS' room while he and DH bunk in our room. I just want to be sleeping alone. But that is cos I am scared of being kicked or hit when he has bad dreams.

    My DH is not affectionate at all. DS in fact is the affectionate one. He would hug me, cuddle me, kiss me but I feel bad like you cos I am resisting them. My boobs are sore, my tummy is tight and I dont really like any cuddle/hugs at all. I understand how you feel. I am not sure if it is my hormones or just that physically I dont feel comfortable.

    My DH has to be reminded by friends even...to take care of me. Just over the weekends, we went to the restaurant to have dinner. After parking the car, he and DS opened the restaurant door 1 and let it shut on me....I was lagging behind cos with such a big tum I walk really slowly. When I opened the door 1, both of them went open the door 2 and let it shut on me again. And I had to open the door 2 myself. I felt really lousy honestly, but am trying to be a nice pregnant lady. DH will walk all the way ahead and leave me walking behind him, he doesnt even hold my hand anymore! And when I got to ask him to do certain chores for me, I have to do it tactfully.

    We are in the midst of moving house (bad time! I am 36 weeks) and DH has been venting his frustrations (swearing at DS and getting so impatient) on me and DS cos he has to be the one packing the whole house. I was so mad at him I had to tell him off about his awful attitude.

    I think you have got such a lovely DH wish he can teach my DH how to be more careful and affectionate to me.
    AWWW....I feel sorry for you, I dont think I would cope very well if I was in your shoe Hope things gets better for you~!
    I know I am quite lucky, even my friends and family tells me that all the time. I just need to learn to treasure what I have.

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by tubster View Post
    AWWW....I feel sorry for you, I dont think I would cope very well if I was in your shoe Hope things gets better for you~!
    I know I am quite lucky, even my friends and family tells me that all the time. I just need to learn to treasure what I have.
    I dont know, im not sure that you're the 'problem' for lack of a better word.

    At the beginning I was feeling a lot of sympathy for your husband, but since your reply to FearlessLeader I'm considering it must be quite hard for you.

    I mean, you've basically got your personal life, romantic life, work life and family life all smooshed together at once. Id imagine you're struggling to find any place thats just for you. Add to that you've said you dont really have a social life and I think it must be difficult for you.

    Maybe you need to find some time for yourself and to give you a chance to miss your husband a little. Easier said than done I know.

    Keep communicating with each other and try not to be too hard on yourself. You've got a lot on your plate.

  12. #19
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    Yeah from the reply to Fearlessleader, looks like you really do need some time-out for yourself. Your life has been revolving around your DH and DS and home business and you seem hardly have your own time. And that is the reason why you are feeling what you are feeling. It's definitely understandable why you are feeling this way. You do need some time for yourself, esp when your next bub is arriving.

    My DS is with me 24 by 7 except when he is sleeping so I know I do need time-outs too. DH gets time away from him when he is at work and yet he can still get so impatient with him. I dont really have a social life except some morning teas with some ladies once in a blue moon (everybody's so busy!), but I do try to organise teas at home and invite a few friends over. Having one in one hour's time.

    I can imagine having DH with me all the time. I will go nuts. There were days when he worked from home and we can end up squabbling cos he was so irritating...I wish he goes to the office.

  13. #20
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    My DH sounds like yours, very affectionate, caring and always doing things for me. I'm very lucky to have hands on hubby to help with the kids, I'd be lost without him.

    Like you, I have to make a consious effort to do things back for him although I do regularly thank him and say I love you and how much I appreciate things he does but sometimes I forget to do things back like simply make him a drink or breakfast on weekends when he makes me breakfast every weekday.

    He does remind me a lot in a joking way (not really sad) that I could do this or that for him and I really don't mean to I forget or have a lot on my mind with the kids (2 under 2 1/2).


    As your heart is in the right place and you are nearly at the end of your pregnancy I dont' blame you for feeling this way but you know yourself the littlest things you do which don't take much time he would really appreciate it.


    Good luck with the upcoming birth

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