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  1. #1
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    Default Showing affection towards DH

    I have never been very affectionate towards DH. Hes a very affectionate person though and loves to show it. He would give lots of cuddles and kisses and little things to show that he cares and that he loves me and DS. Sometimes I find them a little annoying to be honest

    Since I got pregnant, I am now 38 weeks, I have totally gone cold. I love him. But I just dont want to show it and I want my space.

    I really dont know what is wrong with me. I dont remember myself like this before I meet DH. I remember myself to be wild and affectionate and someone who would go out of their way to make the other person happy, of cause none of those relationships ended well.

    Today DH was mowing the lawn. And I knew I should prepare some cold water for him when he comes in, to help him cool down. But I didnt. When he came in and theres no cold water he was a bit disappointed and he mentioned how I never showed that I cared. Everytime I give DS a lot of kisses and cuddles, DH always ask me 'wheres mine?'.

    I feel bad, but I dont know why I just cant bring myself to do anything for him.

    Is it part of pregnancy? Or am I too comfortable?

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    When I was preggers with my second, I was as cold as ice. I had other reasons though too.
    But you say you have never been affectionate. I dont understand this though Maybe you just dont know how to but the way i see it, its part of being in a relationship and would never stay in one unless there was affection and quite a bit.

    I feel sorry for your DH tbh. Not having a go at you, its just a bit sad.

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    If he's mentioned that he wants that affection/caring side of things you might need to make an effort, if not physical (I know what you mean being uncomfortable and wanting your space) but maybe show that you care by doing little things for him. I found we went through a stage like that too for me it was more because whenever I'd have a cuddle or a kiss or anything he'd assume its on and it would lead to s-x but I wanted just the cuddle! So I stopped getting close unless I was keen for s-x. We got out of that stage now, it's really amazing what he will think its a show of caring, example I get up with him every morning make him coffee and lunch, he thinks its nice but doesn't see the effort I make dragging myself out of bed however if I write a little corny message like "thank you for working so hard we love you" he's on cloud 9 totally feels loved and appreciated!! Go figure!!! But I do suggest you try it's so important to keep each other happy and feeling loved

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cleigh View Post
    When I was preggers with my second, I was as cold as ice. I had other reasons though too.
    But you say you have never been affectionate. I dont understand this though Maybe you just dont know how to but the way i see it, its part of being in a relationship and would never stay in one unless there was affection and quite a bit.

    I feel sorry for your DH tbh. Not having a go at you, its just a bit sad.
    I know what you mean. I feel sorry for him too. He does so much around the house and everything else but I would still find somethings to complain about. Hes funny but I never laugh at his jokes and a lot more. He thinks its the pregnancy. I dont know. With my first pregnancy though, I was very emotional, and was very clingy to him, that was the only time I was really affectionate.
    I feel quite sad because I dont know what to do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ciaomamma View Post
    If he's mentioned that he wants that affection/caring side of things you might need to make an effort, if not physical (I know what you mean being uncomfortable and wanting your space) but maybe show that you care by doing little things for him. I found we went through a stage like that too for me it was more because whenever I'd have a cuddle or a kiss or anything he'd assume its on and it would lead to s-x but I wanted just the cuddle! So I stopped getting close unless I was keen for s-x. We got out of that stage now, it's really amazing what he will think its a show of caring, example I get up with him every morning make him coffee and lunch, he thinks its nice but doesn't see the effort I make dragging myself out of bed however if I write a little corny message like "thank you for working so hard we love you" he's on cloud 9 totally feels loved and appreciated!! Go figure!!! But I do suggest you try it's so important to keep each other happy and feeling loved
    LOL. Maybe I should give that a try.
    Hes always been the one makng me breakfast. Once i remember I was making breakfast for DS and for myself, was going to make DH some too but then I thought he'll probably just have cereal, he can do it hmself. DH then said you dont even make me breakfast......he was sad, i could tell. SInce then I always make him breakfast and offer him drinks and etc whenever I am having something or making something for DS.
    I know I should've made him something, but I just cant be bothered. But then I feel really bad afterwards.
    But I do agree, I need to do something about it....

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    mummabec is offline I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love
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    I'm a bit the same tubster! I don't have the answer, I struggle to show I care through cuddles and kisses, and he always wants them when I busy cooking dinner or with the kids so I can end up looking really dismissive and cold. Have a look at the 5 languages of love, it really opened my eyes as I show my love through acts of kindness like making his lunch for him, or making him a cuppa once the kids are in bed etc. he very much shows his love through touch and affection. Now we both are aware it does make it a little easier, although we still are not entirely on the same page. Good luck

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    Awww go easy on yourself. It's hard being pregnant & having a little one, you can feel like you have no body autonomy & everybody wants a piece of you. I think it's quite normal to want to keep your body to yourself when you can.If its affecting your relationship though and you do want to be affectionate, I agree that you may need to fake it til you make it! Little things like aiming to kiss/hug him spontaneously at least twice today, etc. You'll probably be surprised at the big difference it makes to how both of you are feeling.

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    This may sound like an awful question, but do you think you still love him?
    I think it's one thing if you don't really show love by physical affection (and i agree, 5 love languages is a great book)- but... how DO you show love to him? You conmplain, you don't laugh at his jokes, you don't do little things like get him a drink if you're getting one. When you think of how much you love and appreciate him, what does it make you want to do? anything? What things does he do for you that you really appreciate and want to reciprocate? Do you tell him you love him?
    It sounds to me like you're really taking him for granted. Even if you're pregnant and can't do much for him, it takes no energy or effort to say "I love you and i wish i could show it more but right now it's hard for me to be touchy-feely, or do things for you, but i really appreciate everything you're doing for me" but, as you said, I'm not sure it's just the pregnancy. It sounds like this may all have been happening for quite a while?
    At 38 weeks pregnant I think it's going to be really hard to concentrate on your relationship with DH right now, but i really think you need to have a big chat about it now, and come up with a plan to put in place once the new baby isn't so new anymore. Because a new baby is going to make everything seem a million times worse, i think you both need to make a pact to hang in there for a little while until you can get around to focussing on each other again.
    Good luck

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    Quote Originally Posted by mummabec View Post
    I struggle to show I care through cuddles and kisses, and he always wants them when I busy cooking dinner or with the kids so I can end up looking really dismissive and cold.
    Yep! It happens here too, when I am super busy trying to get DS ready for bath, in the middle of picking up dirty clothes on the floor and he would want a kiss or cuddle or a bit of mucking around, and I really want to get things done. I will check out that book for sure!

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    [QUOTE=grumpybump;684372 I agree that you may need to fake it til you make it! Little things like aiming to kiss/hug him spontaneously.[/QUOTE]

    Yep been trying to do that since I put the post up lol

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