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    Default Advice required: Sperm donation or coparent?

    I have a huge decision to make and I wondered if anyone can offer advice or other perspectives. I am a 39 yr old single female who would love to try to have a child. I have two options - enter into a coparent relationship with my gay best friend or use a sperm donor.

    1) Coparenting - my friend and I have been friends for 25 years and have talked about having a baby extensively. He is keen to have a child and is in a very stable, long term relationship and owns his own company so is the 'perfect' coparent. If I agreed to this I would have to move from Sydney back to the UK (I moved to Australia 2 years ago). Although I think this would be a good option for the child (knowing who their father is and having 2 loving parents, even though we don't live together). My concern is whether I would be restricting myself in the medium/long term as I would be 'tied' to Cardiff, Wales. I am quite an independant person and might find this a challenge (especially if I meet a partner in the future). On a positive note I have some very close friends who live in Cardiff and my parents/brother live a few hours away.

    2) Sperm donation - I can use a sperm donor and raise the child on my own. I am financially secure and my sister who is having a baby lives in Sydney and has offered to be a big support. I realise that raising a child on my own is a huge undertaking and I worry about the child not knowing who the father is. I will know the donor (so the child can find out more information when they turn 18) but I am not sure if this is enough.

    I am interested in hearing other peoples advice/thoughts as I want to make sure that I consider everything very carefully. Many thanks....

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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Slightly different situation but I am in a lesbian relationship and we have decided to go the anonymous (identity release) donor route despite having had an offer from a close (gay) friend of ours.The reasons we went this route were because ultimately we didn't want a third partner in the relationship, even though we'd agreed he would be an uncle figure, not a co-parent. I wouldn't like to be restricted to one area, even if I did have family.I think with an anonymous donor, the way you handle it with your child will make all the difference. If you support them in making contact with their donor if/when they want to (and make sure they know the support is there from a young age), I think you'll find it'll be less of an issue (depends on the child too).The other thing is, your child won't be the result of abandonment from their bio dad, but the result of a lot of love and preparation by you. As the child of a deadbeat dad, I think this is a big difference, and was a big factor in my decision to use an anonymous donor despite my own experience.Sorry this is long winded!!! Also, going through a clinic will probably be able to fast track your chances of getting pregnant. If you want to know the name of our clinic (no waiting times, lots of donors) PM me In short- you will know in your heart what you want to do. Don't make biology the sole decider Good luck!

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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Uggh my nicely spaced out post got squished together

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    Rainbow road - many thanks for your comments. It is the hardest decision I've ever had to make and one I need to make sooner rather than later! I agree that the way I raise the child is vital and as long as I am open, honest and loving s/he will be in good hands. I already have a clinic sorted but if I have any other questions I'll pm you. Thanks again.

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    Hello. I trieded instant messaging you but I'm not sure it worked. I wondered if u would be able to send the details of you clinic in case they can help me. Many thanks in advance. Hope 73


 

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