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  1. #1
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    Default Do I have a right to be annoyed or should I get over it

    I'm so frustrated at the moment and just wanted other perspectives. I'm due with my first baby mid January, this will be my parents second grandchild, my brother had a baby last year.

    I'm currently mid way through and getting more uncomfortable by the day, I don't know how I'll feel by 8 months but I'm guessing pretty uncomfy and could probably use some help/ support from my mum as my husband will have to work right up to the day of birth in order to take time off after.

    My mums family lives overseas, the other day she tells me one of our distant relatives is getting married in December and she's going for the wedding, I didn't know what to say, just mumbled something about being due in January, her response was I'll be back before your due and anyway I have a family that I want to see too.

    This is just a sore spot for me because I've always felt she favours my brother. Even though it was his wife and not him that had to go though labour, she never would've left right before they were due, it's just a slap in the face after I do so much for them and he's hardly ever around.

    Do I sound ridiculous and should i just get over it and grow up, it's not like I wanted her in the delivery room or anything anyway, i guess it would be nice if she could just see it from my point of view that I could actually give birth early, in which case I'd have my first child without my mum around, which she thinks I should get over because her family were all overseas when she had us and she managed fine so why do I have to be so needy.

    Anyway I'm sorry for the long post, I guess I'm just hormonal, dealing with other family problems and I just never thought she'd be so disinterested in being around for the birth of her grandchild, especially since she keeps going on about how she never got to do anything with her first grandchild because my sister in law wouldnt let her bath, change, hold her baby so she intends to do all those things with mine whether I like it or not.

  2. #2
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I'm sorry your not getting the support you hoped for tbh I expected more from my mum in a hands on way and didn't really get it either I guess I just learnt the hard way that we had to do it on our own. My advice is to speak to her if you can be clear that you want her involved, not saying you should demand her support just be clear that it's welcome

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    I'm not exactly sure what you need your mum for , ie what do you want her to do for you before the birth?

    I think that she thinks that she will be back before the birth so she probably doesn't see what the problem is? I don't either to be honest. I think we need more information.

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    Thanks headoverfeet I tried talking to her later to tell her that I was worried about her missing the birth and therefore her granddaughters first days, that's when she started with all the stuff about how she was alone without her mum when she gave birth so I should get over it. I'm a bit of a hot head so got mad and told her I hope she does miss the birth and regrets her decision. Not very mature I know, when it comes to my mum I lover her but she infuriates me like no one else!

    Thanks for the advice though, I might give it a while then try talking to her again without the hysterics. Or maybe I'll just leave it and let her do what she wants, I just feel like if I have to beg her or convince to be interested it's not really worth it.

  5. #5
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    sunny flower, I get what you're saying, that's why I posted, to see if I'm making it out to be bigger than it is, so thanks for your reply.

    I don't really need her to do anything, I've never been pregnant before, don't know what kind of support I'd need at 8 months, just think its her lackluster attitude that's frustrating me. Also I have a cousin who was due in June and gave birth in April this year, so I guess I'm a bit paranoid about her potentially not being here but I know realistically as long as my husband is aroud that's all that matters.

    I think overall it's just a feeling that she doesn't give a s**t, but I suppose it's her right to do whatever she wants and I probably should suck it up

  6. #6
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    I think that we kids expect our parents to always be there for us and when they aren't we get very angry. Believe me i understand, my mum will be very helpful with babysitting if I ask her but our relationship is based on me making all the arrangements and driving over there. Feels very one sided and frustrating...

    Hopefully you won't go early and she will be there but I wouldn't speak about it again. As you say , why should you have to harass her to be there ? But I hope for your sake she has returned before you give birth.

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    I get what you're saying but I really dont think you should worry about it. With my first pregnancy I was very "Ahh! What'll I do, how will I do it, eek eek!" but aside from being a bit uncomfy and whale-like at the end its pretty much business aa usual, particularly if your on mat leave and not looking after another child.My husband didn't have any time off at all (and even worked the morning of the delivery, then back to work the next day) and honestly it was fine.Im not saying any of this to discount your feelings. I understand. But you will he fine.And she'll probably be back before the baby arrives anyway.

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    I think you might be being a little hard on your Mum, there is not much she could do for your prior to the birth anyway, if bubs comes early would she come back if you needed her? My Mum was interstate for 2 weeks and came back 2 days before my due date, I went 5 days over so no problems however I wouldn't have minded much if she wasn't here for the birth, I didn't want her in the delivery room and was exhausted and unwell post delivery so only saw her once bubs first week. I think in your situation which is a lot of "what if's?" then you need to relax a little, you will be fine, soak up those last weeks alone with DH. It sounds like she is keen to be a hands on Nanna when your DD arrives. Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy.

  9. #9
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    Thanks everyone for your replies, I had a feeling I was being a bit pregzilla about it. In fairness though I think I haven't explained the situation that well. Mums always been passive aggressive towards me which she wont aknowledge and it drives me insane. I've been in therapy for years to deal with her and was really making progress but I think the pregnancy hormones have undone some of that and I'm back to being hypersensitive. Its not that she wants to see her family that bothers me, its the all too familiar attitude of "you're not a priority in my life, get over it" that upsets me. I take all your points though and will probably just leave it be, whatever happens happens. Thanks again for helping me get some perspective.


 

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