+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    825
    Thanks
    255
    Thanked
    201
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Really struggling lately...

    I'm a stay at home mum by choice... and I don't use daycare by choice as well.
    I have a 3.5 year old and a 9 month baby and I'm beside myself lately because I can't meet the play needs of my 3 year old.
    I could before, when bub was younger as she'd feed anywhere, sleep anywhere and so forth...
    but now she won't b/feed unless in dark quiet room and won't sleep unless she has the same and she's now on solids having meal 3 times a day...
    Her routine is full which means I have very little time in between to spend time with miss 3.
    I have a very small house and even smaller kitchen which means I must do gradual tidy up and clean up throughout the course of the day otherwise I have no bench space to do the next meal.
    So that takes up play time too.
    It's mainly gotten this tricky in the last month or so.
    DD3 is going to a kindergarten next year which I am very relieved about... but in the meantime I really want to do activities with her and take her places like I used to but it's soooo hard lately..
    If I do take her somewhere I end up payig for it heavily in other ways... cranky tired and hungry baby and basic jobs at home left undone..
    So I end up staying up very late trying to do them after the kids go to sleep...
    and don't ask about sleep with bub because she wakes frequently and thus so do I and my husband. Neither of my kids falls asleep easily or early.
    Also we have no relatives to use as hellp or babysitters I feel very isolated at times.
    My friends live far across town and are caught up with their own busy family lives as well...
    Just having a whinge and a whine I suppose.
    I feel very sad about how things are for my 3 year old... I have considered and reconsidered childcare often in the last few weeks but I keep concluding I'm not okay with it. (I worked in quite a few centres over the course of many years and I have my own reasons).
    It's not long to go before things take a turn for the better but right now in these next few months I am just really really struggling to feel like I'm doing okay and meeting the needs of everyone adequately. Especially my 3 year old. I feel so sorry for her right now and it's an awful feeling. I love her so much.
    What do other Mum's do? All our circumstances are different... I guess we all have challenges unique to our own situation.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    1,403
    Thanks
    93
    Thanked
    387
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Really struggling lately...

    I don't have a 3yr old but I was an only child and had to entertain myself a lot! Just thought I'd send those ideas your way... Since she's big sister why not make her mummy's little helper while you tidy and clean she can 'help' its always a confidence boost! Also maybe some educational stimulation? Maybe start flash cards or reading DVDs... And finally how about a dog/puppy cat something she can chase around? I used to love playing outside made a million mud cakes and collected hundreds of rocks... back in my day... Feeling old now :-(

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to ciaomamma For This Useful Post:

    onedayatatime  (21-09-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    158
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    46
    Reviews
    0
    I can relate! I have a similar age gap although my two are older now (just turned 4 and 15mths). I ended up using daycare one half day a week at first, then went to one full day (8:30-3:30).If you definitely don't want to use a centre, would you consider family day care? Otherwise, would you consider a "mothers helper"? At this time of year, school is coming to an end for Yr 11s and 12s. A morning or two a week could be a great experience for a student who may be going on to child care related studies next year. You could have them come to your home and be an extra pair of hands. Whether duties would be solely minding kids or included some household tasks (hanging washing, maybe doing dishes, snack preparation etc, not big stuff) would be up to you to negotiate. You would be there to supervise so they wouldn't need to be qualified as they wouldn't be alone with the kids. I'd also expect that you'd need to pay but I have no idea what rate. I'd guess less than for babysitting as they are not sole-in-charge. Might be a more appealing summer job than working at Maccas!

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Lynken For This Useful Post:

    onedayatatime  (21-09-2012)

  6. #4
    Theophania's Avatar
    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    3,075
    Thanks
    819
    Thanked
    832
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I am lucky in this instance because DS and DD are only 16 months apart they entertain each other (is full on though)... I do send mine to daycare 2 days a week and I do enjoy the break and they love letting loose. But on the other days I just let the kids decide what we are doing... Some days if its raining they love making the lounge room into a cubby house and watching a movie together with some popcorn. When its sunny outside they love water play. I fill up some buckets, give them containers and they make their own fun with that.

    I do get my kids involved in cleaning up though. I give them their own cloth and we turn the music on and all dance around the house while we clean. Some days we go to the park or visit friends but mostly we just play random stuff at home...

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Theophania For This Useful Post:

    onedayatatime  (21-09-2012)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    1

    Default What about your needs?

    Sounds like you've got a lot on your hands!
    I can't help but feel you've not mentioned your own needs. This isn't being selfish, looking after ourselves is a really important part of parenting.
    If you're spending all day cleaning up/playing/feeding etc I can't imagine you're giving yourself any time at all. It's those moments that allow us to come up with different solutions...

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Seraphinite For This Useful Post:

    onedayatatime  (01-10-2012)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5,530
    Thanks
    377
    Thanked
    1,526
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Don't be so hard on yourself, you are not superwoman. There's a lot to be said for independent play, and you are not required to entertain your three year old constantly. I think this notion that we must constantly be engaging our kids in stimulating playtime, art and craft and taking them out places is a modern, western idea. Also, it seems to be implied that if you keep your house really clean you neglect your kids. I still struggle with this, though. Of course you should interact and engage your 3yo but you can do it as part of your daily routine. So, while you are doing the dishes, she can help dry and put away, or she can sit at the kitchen table and draw and talk to you. When you hang out the washing, she can pass you pegs or can be scooting around the backyard on a trike, or something...

    Yes, there should be time everyday for special one-on-one time, reading, or play dough or something, but this doesn't have to be the major part of your day.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to duckduckgoose For This Useful Post:

    Gracie's Mum  (30-09-2012),onedayatatime  (01-10-2012)

  12. #7
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    10,123
    Thanks
    910
    Thanked
    1,165
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    DO you think you could afford a couple of hours a week for a nanny? If you could get someone to come and watch the baby for 2 hours, twice a week... then you could dedicate that time to your toddler. Or if you could get a Mummy's helper a couple of mornings a week to help with the house and baby. Alternatively, there's always eager people studying early childhood at TAFE or uni who would love the opportunity to come and do activities with your older DD a couple of mornings or afternoons a week, take her on an outing or something.

    Food for thought

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to OJandMe For This Useful Post:

    onedayatatime  (01-10-2012)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    4,247
    Thanks
    160
    Thanked
    311
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    ive been bagged recently for not having a tidy home (my response was a big fight with my mum and my DH wouldnt dare question me anymore)....im sorry but im doing my best. i hear you tho about feeling like the older toddler is left out in way..my DD is 5mo and some days is very clingy etc....i feel guilty for letting my DS watch wayyy too much tele....it got to me as my mum accused me of paying too much attention to my baby and neglecting my older child. i started taking him to playgroup and thinking of doing gymbaroo....i try to take him out by himself on the weekend but i dont always succeed....i try to make him read books to the baby so it feels like im playing with him but includes all three of us..but tbh i dont get much housework done and i know ppl think i bludge all day / am lazy / whatever but im not good at and i'd rather be with the children. my DS does require a lot of attention and he is only 27 months old....i do lots of drawing and painting as well ...but yep the house suffers and sometimes it gets to me but i try to do a very rough and ready tidy at night. its the best i can do. its hard work with 2 little ones but i think well most ppl have siblings so all children have had to deal with this and they have survived!

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to jfblady72 For This Useful Post:

    onedayatatime  (01-10-2012)

  16. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    825
    Thanks
    255
    Thanked
    201
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    These are very sound points that you guys have made...thankyou.

    Last weekend my husband stayed home for a day so I could be free to go off and spend a bit of time with myself. I had a bit of time in nature. Was lovely.

    Anyway.. when I got back he said that Miss 3 is fine. He said that she's happy and healthy and if anything - she's actually too demanding! And I realized he is right! I have been bending myself over backwards always to keep her busy and mind active etc... but a bit of independant play and dare I say BOREDOM might do her a bit of good! So this whole week I have not worried or felt guilty at her heavy sighs; and "I'm bored" statements have been water off a ducks back to me. I turned to her and listed off the equipment that's been provided and told her it's up to her to make something of it.

    But in fairness, this whole year she does spend a lot of time in her imagination having activities and conversations with imaginery company. I know it's good for her but I also know if she was in childcare she'd have real company and friends and I suppose this is what I try to make up for.

    I agree about the tidy house vs time with kids thing. My house is no showpiece. I do the minimum to get by. But in a small house I have to keep at it daily in order to have room to move. The kitchen clean up I do throughout the day is truly just to have bench space. It is really, really small. We don't have a playroom so all toys and play are in the main living area. It gets very cluttered very quickly.

    HAVING TIME TO MYSELF - well this is certainly a big problem I have identified lately. This year I've had virtually no time to myself at all. An hour a week at the very most and it's often several weeks between that hour. (as in - getting out of the house by myelf). It's finally getting easier because bub is going longer between feeds now she's better at her solids. She won't take expressed breast milk. But I'm not worried about this as it's on the improve.

    But I agree that you have to feel good in order to be a good mum. It's something I am starting to work on as it's so necessary. With me...I can work and work and work for ages and ages like a machine and not notice what it's doing to me... until suddenly one day I crack-up! So I had a long talk with dh and we're going to try to manage our time to allow a regular 'get out' time for me. It's hard though because we are homeowners and with an old house there is so much basic maintainence required... weekends are the time to get these jobs done (cleaning out gutters, painting, garden etc) which means it's hard for me to feel okay about dumping the children in his care while I ping off for an hour or three!. But we are just going to have to allow this time because I can't be a great Mum when I feel so wretched.

    I feel much better after my time out last weekend - and I think I've had hormones playing up too - period starting to finally return after pregnancy. The baby-year is a tough year - at least that's what I've found and I look forward to a bit more balance and harmony next year.

  17. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    103
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    15
    Reviews
    0
    Hi jfblady

    I don't really know what you're going through but I will say one thing: I hate housework anytime and I've only got a maltese/shih tzu to look after and not by myself. Steve and mum do their fair share! I'm called LB by mum, bro, and other family members, which stands for Lazy Bones. How rude!! But truthfully, I'd rather pluck my non-existent eyebrows with a pair of pliers than do housework.

    So... tell your ma to hire a Johny Depp lookalike for you to clean up around the place and that you'd be happy to assist him by shouting "great job!!" and "couldn't be cleaner" with a few "wooh hooos" thrown in to the mix. And then you could introduce him to me

    Ya see how I create complete fantasies? How embarro!!


 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Mother and Baby Shop
Save $$$ during our Christmas Sale Mother and Baby Shop
Great prices on Schoenhut kids pianos, toys, baby clothing as well as big brands like Pigeon, NUK, Cherub Baby and many more. Sale starts on 1 November 2016 and ends on the 27 December 2016. Hurry! Place your order today!
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Life Fertility
Life Fertility Clinic is a boutique fertility clinic located in Spring Hill, Brisbane. Our dedicated fertility and IVF specialists offer professional, holistic, personalised options for the treatment of each patient’s specific needs.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!