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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by SimplyMum View Post
    My sister is not a horrible person, but I'm not sure I can say "it's time you found a job and started contributing" alone. I will try and have that conversation with her.
    It really does sounds like a tough situation and a very unfair one too. I know these conversations are very tough to have - part of the reason for this is the person you need to have it with makes it very hard to have the conversation. I believe they do this so you won't have the conversation. This is manipulative and whether it is deliberate or not, it's not right.
    If you don't have the conversation you will end up resenting your sister and possibly damaging your relationship anyway. What you are asking is reasonable and just. Sometimes people just bank on you not asking and things just continue. I'm wondering if you not having the conversation is a form of continuing to enable her to behave like this - it could be the push she needs to get going in her life. It's hard but necessary. You are justified.

  2. #22
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    This may sound harsh, but you're paying your way- if your parents are struggling, that's their issue. If they want to get by and tighten their belts, so be it. You're not your sister's parent, you have no obligation to help her find a job or talk her into helping your parents more. that's their business and their issue. It's really hard to keep out of these things, especially when it's your own mum getting stuffed around, but do try.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    This may sound harsh, but you're paying your way- if your parents are struggling, that's their issue. If they want to get by and tighten their belts, so be it. You're not your sister's parent, you have no obligation to help her find a job or talk her into helping your parents more. that's their business and their issue. It's really hard to keep out of these things, especially when it's your own mum getting stuffed around, but do try.
    You know what I agree with this too. I think it is up to your parents, why is all the family responsibility falling onto you? Sometimes parents can be dominated and taken advantage of - do you think this is the case with your sister?

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    Now that I think about it, yes- I think my sister is manipulative. But, she has been struggling with my Dad over the last month or so, more than usual. With his laziness, and sometimes it feels like he does certain things just to get at people (my Mum, myself and my sister). I suggested she get a job. I find that not being around him 24/7 helps with my Mum and my own sanity. 2 stones, 1 bird and all that. So, after she agreed (kind of) I printed off a kmart job application and took it home to her. She wanted me to fill it out which I refused- afterall she'll probably ask me to send it off, she can surely do some of the work involved to get herself a job. We'll see how that goes. Somehow I can see it not eventuating into anything.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SimplyMum View Post
    Now that I think about it, yes- I think my sister is manipulative. But, she has been struggling with my Dad over the last month or so, more than usual. With his laziness, and sometimes it feels like he does certain things just to get at people (my Mum, myself and my sister). I suggested she get a job. I find that not being around him 24/7 helps with my Mum and my own sanity. 2 stones, 1 bird and all that. So, after she agreed (kind of) I printed off a kmart job application and took it home to her. She wanted me to fill it out which I refused- afterall she'll probably ask me to send it off, she can surely do some of the work involved to get herself a job. We'll see how that goes. Somehow I can see it not eventuating into anything.
    By the sounds of how busy you are you wouldn't have time to rock up and do her job interview either.

    I know people (close to me) that have come out of a psychosis and afterwards have taken years to mobilise. They have also banked on others looking after them and it's almost an expectation of theirs 'because I'm not well'. It can only go on so long before those looking after them become unwell due to the strain of caring and taking the load. I think with everything you're doing that you could be the next in the cycle. Getting back to your OP - definitely do not take another job I think you will lead yourself into both physical and emotional exhaustion. You could have developed a sort of 'compassion fatigue' with your sister, where you just become worn out emotionally and mentally. Have you thought of some counselling for yourself to handle this situation?

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    By the sounds of how busy you are you wouldn't have time to rock up and do her job interview either.

    I know people (close to me) that have come out of a psychosis and afterwards have taken years to mobilise. They have also banked on others looking after them and it's almost an expectation of theirs 'because I'm not well'. It can only go on so long before those looking after them become unwell due to the strain of caring and taking the load. I think with everything you're doing that you could be the next in the cycle. Getting back to your OP - definitely do not take another job I think you will lead yourself into both physical and emotional exhaustion. You could have developed a sort of 'compassion fatigue' with your sister, where you just become worn out emotionally and mentally. Have you thought of some counselling for yourself to handle this situation?
    Sorry, I laugh because I don't have time for counselling! I just remind myself daily of my 3month holiday. Thanks for suggesting it though, as silly as this sounds, it's nice to have people care, even if you are complete strangers.

    She was in a very stroppy mood last night because the wifi wasn't working. Mum fixed the internet but we couldn't get the wifi connection to work. Mum didn't eat dinner until 8pm, and she was buggered. She just doesn't seem to recognise the effort, esp after she's been at work all day.


 

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