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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grebbeci View Post
    Sorry Simplymum, just read back through my post and realised I may have come off as sounding a bit judgemental. Certainly didn't mean to. I just feel so much for you going through what you are going through. Is your sister receiving any treatment for her bipolar??
    I certainly didn't take it that way. I struggled through the 'whys' and 'how comes' for a long time until I realise to not question it, just accept it for what it is and get on with life.

    Not at the moment. Her weeks used to be filled with drs- from counsellors, psychotherapists and GP's.

  2. #12
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    That sounds like a really tough situation. Does she get child support and centrelink? Could she even contribute $50 a week to help? Maybe she could give the money to you to pay towards bills to avoid paying your dad.

    I really feel for you. It must be very frustrating.

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  4. #13
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    Wow, it sounds like you are really stuck in a situation that is not ideal for many people. It is so hard when the individuals in your family have such difficult and unique things to cope with.
    I really don't think getting a part time job in retail will be worth it: you will pay a heap of tax, you will resent every minute that you are away from your child, and you will be exhausted. You certainly do not sound like you have the spare time to sort it out.
    I agree with PP that your sister, regardless of her situation, probably needs to be contributing more to the family. Do you have the kind of relationship with her where you could have an honest conversation? As in "no pressure, this is the truth of our family situation at the moment, this is the lengths I am prepared to go to and this is how much it is worrying mum"? If she has issues with your dad, perhaps bypassing any situation he is involved in is best.
    I am sure your sister, despite her problems is not a horrible person, you appear to have no malice towards her. Maybe a reality check without backing her into a corner could help?

  5. #14
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    My sister is not a horrible person, but I'm not sure I can say "it's time you found a job and started contributing" alone. I will try and have that conversation with her.

  6. #15
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    Why is it that she can't give the money to your mum if she doesn't want to give it to your dad? I mean, wouldn't the groceries benefit him too?
    It sounds like she's found a convenient way of dodging paying more money to me. Not to be mean to your sister, just calling it as I see it.

    It's a bit of an excuse to not give it to your dad when she could give it to your mum, or even for her to take the elec/gas bills from your mum and pay them.

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    I mean, wouldn't the groceries benefit him too?
    It sounds like she's found a convenient way of dodging paying more money to me.
    I think this too, and I have tried to explain it. As well as the 'whether you like him or not, your still living under his house' logic but to no avail. Mum's a pushover and I think she's found a way to 'justify' it. But still, nothing I can do about it. I don't agree with it, which is why I don't do it.

    So, had that talk. My sister came up with the same ol' story 'I should get a job'. Mum came up with 'we'll just have to cut back'.

    I talked to a friend and she told me in no uncertain terms DO NOT DO IT!

    Do not even think about it. You work hard. You are a mother. You are a student. It is not your responsibility to take on more. You contribute fairly to the family budget. I know this sounds harsh but there are two people living in the household who do not work and should look into how they can contribute more. It will do you more harm than good if you take on more. It will affect your health.
    I spoke to my sister (older- out of home), she said I should for a short period of time to help Mum out. I have Christmas off from study so perhaps I'll look into some christmas work. Any ideas?
    Last edited by SimplyMum; 21-09-2012 at 14:49.

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    Perhaps we should be looking at the expense side of things instead of the income side of things, since that seems unlikely to change.

    WHY exactly is your Mum struggling to pay bills? Which bills exactly? In the house as far as I can see are 2 full-time workers, 1 person presumably with superannuation and I presume your sister receives some centrelink benefits too. I just wonder if you can pin down what exactly is causing the financial stress and maybe address these somehow.

  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by EmyB View Post
    Perhaps we should be looking at the expense side of things instead of the income side of things, since that seems unlikely to change.

    WHY exactly is your Mum struggling to pay bills? Which bills exactly? In the house as far as I can see are 2 full-time workers, 1 person presumably with superannuation and I presume your sister receives some centrelink benefits too. I just wonder if you can pin down what exactly is causing the financial stress and maybe address these somehow.
    Oh, I can tell you where its coming from!

    Dad lost his job, so got out what little super he had and he and Mum put it all on the mortgage, so he has no super essentially. Mum gives him $150 a fortnight to spend at his leisure (this includes petrol money he might need). Where does he spend this? Heaven knows but he's always wanting more money. He'll manipulate whoever he can to get more money, even my Nan who is in a nursing home (we suspect).

    My sister does receive full parenting payment single, and you pretty much know her situation.

    So, yes my Mum and I are the only 2 working full time (or at all) in the house. Other than my board, Mum bears the brunt of all household bills. The reason for me moving back home was to help save for a big holiday we (Dad, Mum, myself and my son) were supposed to be going on. I now have that financial committment, although I doubt Mum and Dad will be joining us (hopefully Mum will come- it'll do her good to be away from the burden of Dad for a little while).

  10. #19
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    I agree with your friend and not with your older sister.

    You need to think of your son too, I am sure he would love some extra mum time over the christmas break. I read in your earlier posts that you wouldn't want your relationship with him to suffer again and I truly think that if you take on another job then it will.
    From your post above it seems like the idea of moving in with your parents was to save financially and now it just seems to be costing you more. How did your mum survive before you were living there??

  11. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grebbeci View Post
    I agree with your friend and not with your older sister.

    You need to think of your son too, I am sure he would love some extra mum time over the christmas break. I read in your earlier posts that you wouldn't want your relationship with him to suffer again and I truly think that if you take on another job then it will.
    From your post above it seems like the idea of moving in with your parents was to save financially and now it just seems to be costing you more. How did your mum survive before you were living there??
    Before I was living there, Dad had a job. He lost his job, it was decided that I would move in, than he found another and lost that too. Seeing he is at retirement age- they got out his super. He said he would love to get another job but has made very little effort so far, despite this- he still spends (bought a kyack on ebay without telling Mum).

    I've decided to not get another job. Your right, DS comes first- end of story, and we do enough. He's already upset that we don't get to spend the holidays together and truthfully- me too! Nope- no 2nd job for me, sorry Mum.
    Last edited by SimplyMum; 25-09-2012 at 07:56.


 

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