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  1. #1
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    Default Struggle Street

    I'm sure most of you know of my situation but those that don't, I live with my parents (one retired, one still working full time), my sister, a full time SAHM to my niece and nephew who are 5 and 2 who attend daycare an alternate days, and my son 6yo.

    I pay board, while my sister buys groceries here and there.

    My Mum is struggling with money and paying bills. I've looked at my budget and I can not possibly afford anymore than what I am currently. So, I'm thinking about applying for a casual job to help a little more. Working maybe weekends and some nights (24/7 retail outlet). Some things I'm worried about; I currently work full time so overload is definately one of them. I also study part time, so being able to complete that also. Time with my son. And also the tax implications- would it even be worth the small amount of hours I would be working and the tax I would be paying?

    What's your opinions?

  2. #2
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    Does your sister contribute any way other than buying groceries here and there? Because I think that maybe it's her that needs to find a way to contribute more to the household expenses than you. I don't think it's worth trading off the time with your son for the pittance of extra money you are likely to get after tax on a 2nd job.
    Whilst I get that everyone deserves the opportunity to be a SAHM it sounds like your sister is freeloading a fair bit, maybe she could consider taking the kids out of daycare seeing as how she is at home all the time.

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    If you work full time and study part time then I wouldn't take a second job as that sounds like a path to burn out.

    i agree that your sister needs to contribute more than just groceries here and there. If her contribution is caring for the kids during the day then I would suggest she take the kids out of daycare and put the money she was paying for that into contributing to bills.

    Perhaps you all sit down, say the current arrangement is not working as too much of the bills burden falls to your mum, and together work out a new arrangement that ensures enough money for bills.

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    I don't think it would be worth it for you to take an extra job.

    What does your sister do on the days her kids attend daycare? Could she work a few hours?

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    My sister refuses to pay any money to my Dad (issues) so her and Mum came up with the idea that she buy groceries although it doesn't really happen. She will do a shop maybe once a month or so. She's applied for a few jobs but lost interest a while ago. She does a heap of the cleaning within the house and that does make it easier. She is only without any kids for 1 day- my nephew (who is due to start school next year) goes for 4 days per week, and my niece goes for 2 days per week. One day she is child free and mostly relaxes this day.

    I've gone down the path of unfair that she doesn't pay board and what not, and we've done the whole job thing where I've encouraged, helped with applications etc etc. It uses up a lot of emtional and mental energy and I was getting very frustrated and stressed, not to mention the effects it was having on my relationships with my family. Sometimes, its easier to just do it yourself. It's the cop out route but what am I supposed to do? Mum's struggling, she's doing as much as she can.

    I just don't see any other option.

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    If your sister won't give money to your dad out of principle, then why doesn't she be given responsibility for one of the bills eg electricity, and pays it directly. She's an adult and needs to start acting like one. She's living there, she needs to contribute reliably and fairly. Is a family meeting out of the question?

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    Is a family meeting out of the question?
    We'll more than likely discuss it tonight. I'll at least bring it up with Mum.

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    I'm still trying to get my head around being a "SAHM" but paying to put the kids in daycare. Isn't the idea of being a SAHM to be at home with the kids? Maybe you need to talk to your mum about putting some wind in your sisters sails. There is no way in the world you should be working 2 jobs and studying whilst she is at home.

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  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grebbeci View Post
    I'm still trying to get my head around being a "SAHM" but paying to put the kids in daycare. Isn't the idea of being a SAHM to be at home with the kids? Maybe you need to talk to your mum about putting some wind in your sisters sails. There is no way in the world you should be working 2 jobs and studying whilst she is at home.
    My sister went through a real rough patch with depression, bipolar etc etc. She's now off the meds and not seeing counsellors and I think that's all my Mum requires from her. That's enough.
    As I said, I fought it- for a long time, the injustice and also the lack of independence for my sister. It's unfair and it's not doing her any favours. But no-one listened, my Mum defended her and kept supporting her. I wanted to help but the emotional and mental anguish it was causing me started affecting the most important thing in my life. My relationship with my son. So, I dropped it. I let it go. I love my sister but my relationship with my son just isn't worth her independence, not to mention my relationship with my mum and my sister as well.

    I have asked my older sister for advise as well and will be discussing this with Mum.

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by SimplyMum View Post
    My sister went through a real rough patch with depression, bipolar etc etc. She's now off the meds and not seeing counsellors and I think that's all my Mum requires from her. That's enough.
    As I said, I fought it- for a long time, the injustice and also the lack of independence for my sister. It's unfair and it's not doing her any favours. But no-one listened, my Mum defended her and kept supporting her. I wanted to help but the emotional and mental anguish it was causing me started affecting the most important thing in my life. My relationship with my son. So, I dropped it. I let it go. I love my sister but my relationship with my son just isn't worth her independence, not to mention my relationship with my mum and my sister as well.

    I have asked my older sister for advise as well and will be discussing this with Mum.
    Sorry Simplymum, just read back through my post and realised I may have come off as sounding a bit judgemental. Certainly didn't mean to. I just feel so much for you going through what you are going through. Is your sister receiving any treatment for her bipolar??


 

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