Background: I am a shift-worker, working 12 hour shifts, day afternoon and night, on a rotational basis. DH works Mon-Fri in a "regular" professional type job.
Last night I worked 3pm-3am. I was up by 7:30 with the kids (DD 3 and DS 11 months), straight to work, then home around 4am. I had previously discussed with DH the prospect of him going into work a little later than usual so that I could have a little bit more than 3 hours sleep. I discussed this with him verbally, and also sent him my shifts with notes regarding where I would require him to speak to his work about coming in late/working from home/leaving early. DH works in a "family friendly" flexible workplace, several of his friends at work do similar things for/with their families. He spoke to his boss when I returned to work, who indicated that it was OK that DH start late/finish late or start early/finish early to be of assistance to me.
As DH left for work yesterday, I asked him if he had spoken to his boss, found out he had not, and reminded him that he should. When I rang him from work last night, he told me that he had STILL NOT spoken to his boss about coming into work late. I pointed out that I needed sleep too, especially as I will be home with our youngest all day, and he mumbled something about how he "had to work".
At 4am I got home, got ready for bed and threw myself in there as fast as possible, figuring that DH would have be leave by 830-9 at the latest, giving me at least 4 hours sleep, which, as shiftworkers would understand, isbetter than nothing!
At nearly 7:30 this morning, DH decided sit in our front living room, TV on, directly outside our bedroom door, with both our kids. DD threw a massive tanty directly outside the door. DH just let her sit there and scream, for 10 minutes, until I called out. This of course meant that DD wanted to come and climb all over me, which DH also did nothing to prevent. He then came in and said "well you have to get out of bed now anyway, I cannot be late for work, I have to work you know, my boss doesn't know I am going to be late".
I got mad, as I am near delusional and on maybe 3 hours sleep in 24 hours. DH tells me that I need to "get over it" and "deal with it", while constantly insinuating that his job is more important than mine, which for some reason means that he should never have to compromise EVER. He told me that he couldn't do anything about DD screaming, and that I had to get up anyway so he could not see the issue with letting her tantrum directly outside the bedroom door. We ended up having a massive fight, so I am now teary, sleep deprived and MAD. Really mad.
I understand that he earns more than me (though I am hardly earning minimum wage myself, I earn decent $$ too). But the thing is, I did not want to work the rotating hours, I wanted to work set shifts. The reason I am not is because he did not want me to lose the generous loading that I get for working these shifts.
Sorry this is a bit of a novel, but do you think I am being unreasonable? Should I just cop it sweet and understand that I will never be allowed to sleep again? This has upset me to the point where I want to go and find somewhere else to sleep for a couple of nights, I am so angry (and sleep-deprived, lol).