I'm really hoping there are some other lesbian mums out there who can lend me a supportive ear.
I am the proud birth mum of our 19mth old son. My partner and I have been together for 6years and over that time, our plans and ideas about parenting have changed. More specifically, in the early days, my then girlfriend wasn't sure she wanted kids. I thought it would break us. But then she came around to the idea (thank goodness!) but didn't want to be pregnant or give birth herself. So i was to birth two babies.
Around the time we found our donor, she decided that she too wanted to carry and birth a baby, so it made sense that we would have one each. I went first as I was older and more clucky (through IVF) and became pregnant relatively quickly. I had a fabulous pregnancy and a wonderful birth. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I loved every bit of it. I have wanted to have a child my whole life. I have resigned from my job and am enjoying being at home full time with our son.
But time was ticking so it was my partner's turn to get pregnant and now she is!! 6 weeks. We have our first scan this week.
I have been feeling so mixed up through the whole TTC process and now she's actually pregnant, I wish more than anything that it was me. I feel so much grief and sadness that our son will be the only pregnancy and birth I experience. My partner is amazing, is aware of my feelings and doesn't take it personally one bit! She's a gem. But I feel so guilty that I'm jealous. And at times I resent that she is the one who is pregnant and has changed her mind from the early days - which of course she has every right to do.
Does any of this ring true for anyone else? Does anyone else have a similar experience? I'm so stuck in my grief, I feel I am missing some of the joy of this new life that is growing in her belly. Our baby. I try to shield her from my feelings which at times makes me grumpy and that's no fun for anyone. I'm due to see a counsellor in a couple of weeks and hope I can get some support around this, but the thing I long for is to talk to someone who "gets it". another lesbian mum in a similar situation.
Is there anyone out there?